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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find facebook depressing?

67 replies

Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 09:42

I've just flicked through a few pages, and now feel crap and lonely, even though I actually have a nice life.

I don't post very often, but I put something on yesterday, got lots of 'likes' but then realised that no one from work 'liked' the post, so I''m now feeling a touch uneasy, even though I only posted about a very innocuous family occasion. But yet again, FB has managed to make me paranoid!

I don't want to bin it totally, as quite a few groups I''m involved in are organised via FB, and it's a good way to keep in touch with people.

But I can't be the only person who feels inadequate and unpopular after reading FB?

OP posts:

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 13:22

But yet again, FB has managed to make me paranoid!

No, YOU have made YOU paranoid. It isn't the technology at all, its the people who use it and the way you use it.
You're using FB to show off to people, and now you're upset that not enough people were impressed. That's about you, not FB.

Fortybingowings · 29/01/2017 13:28

FB allows people to rose-tint their life as they present it and I'm sure it makes many people depressed.
For instance mine is absolutely bloody choc-a-block with other couples having 'child free' breaks while someone has their kids. This while I'm stuck at home with tonsillitis, two toddlers, my dad's about to die and I'm balancing two jobs and a husband who's about to go on a boy's holiday. But I don't put any of this shit on Facebook, so I expect everyone thinks my life is just rosy.
It should be called fake book. It's addictive and sometimes useful. But ultimately pretence

Original poster

Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 13:30

Showing off? I had lunch with some relatives, I wasn't sunning myself in Barbados!

OP posts:

Verbena37 · 29/01/2017 13:33

Don't focus on who likes your posts.....surely you post stuff about your family because you want other family and friends to see how you're doing or to put pics of the kids on etc? It doesn't mean everybody has to 'like' them and if they don't, it doesn't mean they don't like your stuff etc.

I have a love hate thing with Fb.
It's good to see friends and family are doing or to get info about stuff.
It really annoys me when people post how fab everything is and 'aren't we great' type stuff. In reality, they're only posting all that imo, because their life is the opposite to that. That's just the painting they want people to see, when in actual fact, their life isn't everything they want it to be. Or they're just shallow and don't realise nobody gives a shit if their baby did a poo out the side of the nappy this morning!

I've unfollowed a lot of people lately.....so they're still on there as friends but I don't see all the vomit-inducing mush they post.about what they've had for lunch etc.

I post a few things I think people might be interested in......like when Tilikum the orca whale died or interesting stuff about education....stuff people might not have heard about or other stuff like government petitions etc or new research about something.

Nothing I post is gushy about how handsome my DH is (I actually have a friend who does that!) or their political view of Donald trump etc.
Occasionally I post pics of the kids but with no comment so relatives can see them growing up.
Sometimes I post funny things the kids have said "mummy, is that a man or a lady?" Type comment that's funny.

Just declutter some stuff.....unlike a load of groups if you never visit their page, unfollow people that annoy you, defreind people you don't care about and you'll feel a whole lot better.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 13:36

Showing off? I had lunch with some relatives, I wasn't sunning myself in Barbados!

It doesn't matter what you were doing, you posted it on FB and (heres the important bit) were counting the likes and checking who they were from. You were measuring some imagined metric of worth or pride or something by the feedback of others, and judged that you did not get enough.
FB didn't do that, you did.

2014newme · 29/01/2017 13:39

I like fb but I wouldn't be interested in a work colleagues family event in fact I am not fb friends with colleagues deliberately

SpikeGilesSandwich · 29/01/2017 13:50

Facebook is bad for your mental health, I only keep my account for invites and messenger, it can be helpful if you need to get hold of someone. Stay off the irritating newsfeed and you'll be ok. I think the saying "Comparison is the thief of joy" should be Facebook's motto.

Original poster

Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 13:59

comparison is the theft of joy

Fabulous phrase!

OP posts:

Oblomov17 · 29/01/2017 14:04

I like FB. I don't mind or care if not many people like my occasional status/posts. Generally if 2 people like it, that's good enough for me.
And I don't get paranoid if you and sue go for coffee, I'm just pleased for you, and it reminds me that I too must text you and sue individually to go for coffee with you!

mintthins · 29/01/2017 14:10

On the other hand, I have been tremendously uplifted today by the response to Mo Farah's FB post about his nationality. I think it is possible to weed out the crap, and only read what is good for you.

mintthins · 29/01/2017 14:11

Actually, I think I only spotted the Mo post after Sue mentioned it whilst we were having coffee...

Trills · 29/01/2017 14:15

If the people you follow on Facebook post things that upset you, then either

a - they are posting things that are generally unpleasant - you can unfollow the people who are like this

b - you may be prone to overthinking, or to interpreting things in the worst light - maybe Facebook is not a healthy place for you to spend your time

Neither of these means that Facebook is bad for everyone. I like it. I like seeing that Sue and Natalia have had coffee.

Trills · 29/01/2017 14:18

then realised that no one from work 'liked' the post, so I''m now feeling a touch uneasy,

This, to me, suggests that your problem is b. Expecting too much, worrying too much, interpreting things too much.

So what if nobody from work liked that post? Maybe they didn't see it. Maybe they saw it but didn't think it was particularly interesting. It doesn't mean they hate you or don't want to be your friend or think that you post boring things. It just means that they haven't pressed the button.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 14:21

then realised that no one from work 'liked' the post, so I''m now feeling a touch uneasy

As pp says, why would the fact that people you work with haven't liked your family gathering make you feel uneasy? It's an odd reaction. Do you think this means they don't like you, rather than your photo?

Original poster

Sunday999 · 29/01/2017 14:25

Maybe I''m overthinking, so perhaps FB isn't a good place for me to be.

OP posts:

languagelearner · 29/01/2017 14:25

I logged on to FB a couple of minutes ago, and I only had to pull up the Welcoming screen to feel a little bit bad, Ninetynine. Someone had posted a pic of a painting they had just painted and said they were a beginner, but it looked pretty advanced to me.

Trills · 29/01/2017 14:28

Someone you know and presumably like put up a picture of a painting they had done. It looked good. This made you feel bad.

If that kind of thing makes you feel bad, Facebook probably will not make your life better.

People like different things and react differently to things - it's OK to say "Facebook is not for me",

SugarLoveHeart · 29/01/2017 14:30

I hardly look at it now. It's just so boring! I know a lot of friends who live for likes etc... But I do worry for the younger generation who seem to really need the approval of social media. It's social currency. Goes to show that if FB affects grown women's confidence, how powerful the comparison thing is.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 14:36

I only had to pull up the Welcoming screen to feel a little bit bad, Ninetynine. Someone had posted a pic of a painting they had just painted and said they were a beginner, but it looked pretty advanced to me

Why does a friends achievement make you feel bad? And why do you think that is FB's fault? It's not.

PuppyMouse · 29/01/2017 14:37

I find it horribly addictive and can waste hours watching stupid videos of cats falling over or chickens wearing trousers. I like the groups I'm in and my family are on it.

But recently I posted and didn't think anything of it. Only to then get a message from a friend asking if I'd seen a mutual friend's post and was it about me. I wouldn't have even seen it if she hadn't mentioned to me. It was basically an attention-seeking post slagging someone off but not saying what they'd done or who. All these strangers were joining in agreeing and saying this person must be vile etc etc.

Turns out it was about me and the mutual friend had taken personal offence at what I'd posted but I genuinely hadn't realised or meant anything by it. It turned into a big falling out, we no longer speak really on or off FB even though I am still baffled and have apologised profusely for my social ineptness. It's been upsetting and exhausting and I now assume if other mutual friends don't reply to messages that they've heard horrible things about me. It can make you paranoid and crazy imo.

RortyCrankle · 29/01/2017 14:44

I have never been on FB and don't think its a great idea to lay bare your life online where it stays forever.

As an FB virgin I don't really understand (a) why work colleagues would be added as I thought FB was more about your friends and family, (b) why you would expect them to 'like' something you've posted about your personal life and (c) why you would care if they did or not?

alsmutko · 29/01/2017 14:45

Just because people are FB friends with you doesn't mean your posts pop up on their feed, depends on how many other 'friends' and 'pages' or 'groups' they follow, and how much interaction you have with them. Many people might not even have seen it.
I'm always on FB several times a day. Often get news from there and the advantage of that is that it usually reflects my views - posts from campaigns I support for instance.
I do try to 'like' posts of friends I don't see often just for them to know I'm interested in their lives (a bit!). And it's so useful for keeping in touch with far flung family members.
However I too have been a bit miffed when it seems a post is ignored but it's usually a news item which I thought was important or interesting and I've been disappointed no-one has taken it up! But never felt that about a personal post because I realise others might be less interested that I'm at the Odeon waiting to see La La Land!

SugarLoveHeart · 29/01/2017 14:46

Ah that's terrible, Puppy!
You never know how others are going to react, as sometimes things lack context online.
I once flounced from FB as I had made a comment on a friend's status that someone I don't know took exception to.
Friend - I've got Swine Flu!
Me - Don't worry. Swine Flu is the new black!
His Mate - Racism is the new black...

WTF? It was then that I realised that I you will encounter some fairly unintelligent folk on FB. This was a long time ago, now look at Twitter trolling etc... Anything is fair game online nowadays. I use it very carefully!

MagicChicken · 29/01/2017 14:55

As has been explained time and time again, you get out of FB what you put in. If you don't post very often and you don't comment on other people's statuses very often then you quite possibly don't appear on their news feeds at all, or you do but very low down and sometimes not for a day or two until after you posted will they even see it.

Don't take it so personally. FB algorithms are designed to prioritise those who post most regularly and react to others' posts most regularly.

Jellybean83 · 29/01/2017 14:59

I don't have Facebook, which can be a bit of a PITA when the whole world thinks everyone is on it. I had it for a few months about two years ago and it just made me feel totally inadequate. It was funny hearing some workmates and friends complaining in person about their crap/boring/monotonous lives, yet to see their Facebook they were the happiest most fulfilled person in the world. I knew it was all fake but it still made me miserable.

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