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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not agree?

74 replies

Frogonalog16 · 25/01/2017 06:15

So me and the OH have been together for 2.5y. He didn't have facebook when we got together but got it not long after. He's now decided he doesn't want it anymore and has deleted that and his instagram. So he txt me from work last night saying he thinks I should delete my facebook so we can start a "fresh chapter in our own little bubble"

AIBU to not want to live in a fucking bubble?! I'm a stay at home parent with a 16m old and he works shifts so I spend quite a lot of time by myself, so apart from the school run with my eldest fb is sometimes the only adult interaction I get. I told him I would get rid only if I decided I wanted to and received this reply

Ok so Facebook obvs more important than me,you do what you want in life and what makes you happy and I will do same then,see what happens. X

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 25/01/2017 06:17

How old are you both? Perhaps as your teacher for advice?

StealthPolarBear · 25/01/2017 06:17

He is. And controlling.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 25/01/2017 06:19

Is he controlling in other ways?

Lulu1083 · 25/01/2017 06:20

He is very controlling. That message isn't even bothering to hide it! Don't let him isolate you Flowers

SparklyUnicornPoo · 25/01/2017 06:24

Is there more to this? He's either hiding something, suspects you are or is weirdly controlling.

My OH doesn't use Facebook I do, we've been together 9 years, I genuinely can't see why it's an issue. Unless you are like my sister and insist on reading every status out loud and showing him every picture, coz that is fucking annoying.

Scarydinosaurs · 25/01/2017 06:26

Dodgy as fuck

Chloe84 · 25/01/2017 06:38

For "fresh chapter in our own little bubble" read "I limit your world to me because I resent you having a life outside of me".

What a controlling wank badger. I quit FB but if DH had told me to I would have told him to piss off.

I'm guessing he didn't have alot of interaction with people on FB and you do?

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 06:42

Sounds like he could be trying to cut you off from friends. Unless there is a back story of you being on Facebook 24/7 and he is trying to help you live in the real world?

Feels more like the former though. Be careful with this one.

Iggi999 · 25/01/2017 06:42

Massive red flag.
Best interpretation is he's sick of you using it all evening. Worst is he doesn't want you to have access to other people while he tightens the noose.

Original poster
Frogonalog16 · 25/01/2017 06:45

If anything he used to post on there more than I do. I really only use it for having a quick flick through and uploading the odd picture for family to see.
To be honest I don't feel like I've been happy in the relationship for a few months so maybe he's sensing that.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 25/01/2017 06:48

It doesn't sound like you have a lot going on in the day. Do you have rl friends to meet or talk to? They might spot things we haven't.
Don't let him try to ban mumsnet!

StealthPolarBear · 25/01/2017 06:49

You've not been together too long, I'd cut your losses now.

Euripidesralph · 25/01/2017 06:51

Massive red flags not just the asking to delete Facebook but also the passive aggressive guilt tripping threat

Seriously rethink him

KateDaniels2 · 25/01/2017 06:52

Sorry but i suspect he is hiding something and is worried someone will contact you throught social media.

NapQueen · 25/01/2017 06:54

Good God he sounds awful.

Why would he want you inside a bubble of it wasn't to control you?

Why does he think that having fb means you love him less?

I'm wagering he has been up to some dodgy shit (women etc) and the deleting off Facebook is to prevent the easy contact whoever is holding over him getting in touch with either of you.

NapQueen · 25/01/2017 06:54

Ah xpost

TanteJeanne · 25/01/2017 06:57

That horrible threat - with a kiss at the end???

Original poster
Frogonalog16 · 25/01/2017 07:02

I do have friends but they mainly work full time so is difficult to find time to see them. I have been questioning the relationship for a while for a number of reasons but we've got a 16m old together and my 8y old calls him dad so I'm kind of griting my teeth at the moment for their sakes

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 25/01/2017 07:03

He sounds like my stepdad. I
didn't know, DM recently told me.

Get out. DM stayed for 47 years.

Chloe84 · 25/01/2017 07:03

I think he is deluded that limiting OP's contact with others would make her love him more.

That text marks a nasty step change in his attitude.

Original poster
Frogonalog16 · 25/01/2017 07:21

I am going to confront him about the txt when my eldest has gone to school. I don't think I can carry on like this. I worry what will happen if we do split though. The house is his and when we've argued before he's asked when I'm moving out. I have no family less than a half hour drive away and thats my 90y old Nan. My eldest obviously needs to go to school here so don't know what I'd do

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 25/01/2017 07:33

do you spend a lot of time on facebook when he is around?
can you go to toddler groups and make friends?

Original poster
Frogonalog16 · 25/01/2017 07:49

Not an extortionate amount and nowhere near as much as he did. I do go to groups but with a friend I already knew and in the nect town, I'm not confident to go to ones in my area by myself

OP posts:
ChuckSnowballs · 25/01/2017 07:51

Ok so Facebook obvs more important than me,you do what you want in life and what makes you happy and I will do same then,see what happens. X

Ok then. Fuckity bye.

What he is doing is testing you. You are supposed to say 'Oh no, don't end it I'll do whatever you want'. What you need to do is say 'Ok then fuckity bye'. Or words to that effect.

Then move near your family, book your child in at a different school and get on with your life.

Stormwhale · 25/01/2017 07:57

My gut feeling is he has fucked up and is worried it's going to get back to you. It's very odd that he deletes his out of the blue, but much more odd that he demands you do the same. I think he wants you to be off the radar so someone can't contact you. I would put money on it actually.