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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my holiday has been ruined

68 replies

Halle71 · 19/01/2017 21:56

There is a back story - I wrote a post in the summer about ILs descending from NZ for 3 weeks and DH was really nasty to me because I'm pretty introverted and found it hard to handle. I get on fine with them when we visit them but we are out and about doing our own thing rather than sitting in the house as they do here.

Anyway, in October we booked to go to Thailand for 2 weeks and they invited themselves - said they have a free week in Vietnam so they will come to Thailand before or after. I wasn't best pleased. Who the fuck does that? Invite themselves on other people holidays? I thought if I ignored it they might not do it. I told DH that if they have to, they can do the last week so we have a week by ourselves first.
Just got out of the gym to find a Viber from MIL to say they are booking 5-15 April.
We are there 1 (but arrive on 2nd) to 16. We leave v early that day.
So we have 3 days alone.
He won't pick up the phone and I'm on the bus shaking with anger.
We are booking our Xmas flights to NZ this weekend and I'm going to tell him to fuck off.
Sorry for the rant, like I said, I'm shaking!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 19/01/2017 21:58

I would be apoplectic with rage if someone invited themselves on my holiday!!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 19/01/2017 22:00

Oh, that's shit. Your DH should be sticking up for you. Is there any special reason he can't? I didn't see your previous thread.

Xmasfairy86 · 19/01/2017 22:01

WHO DOES THAT??!!! Angry
I'm angry for you halle!!!!

clumsyduck · 19/01/2017 22:01

So your last day is a write off travelling and the at you arrive will probably be a write off , tired from travel , unpacking , getting your bearings etc . So youl have 2 days alone . Mad for you op !!!

clumsyduck · 19/01/2017 22:01

Day*

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 19/01/2017 22:02

Sorry, my reply isn't terribly useful if your DH can't get his DPs to change their booking. If he can I think he should.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 19/01/2017 22:02

I'd tell my DH that if he didn't tell them no, they weren't inviting themselves on your holiday, I wouldn't be going. I'd hit the roof at anyone doing this!

Graceymac · 19/01/2017 22:03

How does your DH feel about this. Does he see his family often? Would he like to spend his holiday in their company? I think if he does you need to accept it. I can't imagine my dds living on the other side of the world and am sure I would make every effort to see them if the opportunity arose.
I would imagine he doesn't see much of them if they live in NZ and this is probably a rare opportunity to see them and easy for them to travel to due to the location.
Personally I like spending time with my ILs and would often invite them to join us and our 3 dds so it wouldn't be an issue for me. I guess it must depend on the relationship you have.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 19/01/2017 22:04

That's bullshit. Angry

Clankboing · 19/01/2017 22:04

I think he had better tell them to unbook it, quickly.

dollydaydream114 · 19/01/2017 22:08

FFS, why do people think it's even remotely OK to invite themselves on to someone else's holiday?

YANBU to be annoyed and your DH needs to put his foot down and stop letting his family take over.

Like you, I am naturally introverted and find lots of company very stressful. It doesn't mean I don't like people; it's just that I need to be by myself again once I've spent some time with them. I totally understand how you feel.

Original poster
Halle71 · 19/01/2017 22:08

Gracey
He sees them the same amount as I see my parents on average - we see mine for a day here and there and there are with us or us with them, probably 4 weeks a year on average.
But to your point, that's why I accepted one week. And that's why we're going to NZ again for 3 weeks at Christmas when there are a million places I would like to go to.

I don't think a week on our own is too much to ask.

OP posts:
Krapom · 19/01/2017 22:09

Well I suppose from their point of view, their son, who they rarely get to see and lives forever away is going to be relatively local to them and they want to jump at the chance to see him. In their excitement they've got carried away. They're not evil. They love their family and they've made a mistake. They're very excited to see both of you and they've thoughtlessly, but not maliciously, assumed you'd feel the same. You're not being unreasonable, but try and be sympathetic when you're dealing with this. It might be your kids living thousands of miles away one day.

Original poster
Halle71 · 19/01/2017 22:10

He's on the phone now.

OP posts:
crazycadetmum · 19/01/2017 22:11

I think I would send email to MIL says no that doesn't work for us.

I find that sometimes if I communicate with inlaws they take stuff from me that they wouldn't from DH! Would it work if you talked to inlaws. Explained you need some time alone...

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 19/01/2017 22:13

Krapom, that was a kind and sensible comment.

Blu · 19/01/2017 22:14

'Are booking'?
So haven't booked?
I would have asked DH to respond immediately and say 'just to let you know we need some alone time to take a breather together so if you do come those dates don't expect to see or hear from us for the first week of our hol'.

Can he / would he say that?

Can you change the dates of your hol?

Politix · 19/01/2017 22:16

Could you arrange time apart when you are in Thailand?

Graceymac · 19/01/2017 22:16

It truely doesn't bother me, I like my ILs company and I get great help from my ILs with my three dds.
I certainly am not an extrovert but I feel very much that my ILs are as good as my own family now. I guess we all want different things from our holidays, since I have had a family they have certainly changed and now the more help the better!

Msqueen33 · 19/01/2017 22:18

I'd be fuming!

Blu · 19/01/2017 22:18

Gracey, maybe you should go on hol with the OP's ILs!

Graceymac · 19/01/2017 22:19

Maybe I will!! Are they free to travel to France in July!Grin

fabulous01 · 19/01/2017 22:20

I would book somewhere else or mention that you may do it
We never tell in laws holiday plans for that reason or we go to places we know they hate ...

MycatsaPirate · 19/01/2017 22:21

Would you be able to change your holiday destination?

And not tell them.

Brighteyes27 · 19/01/2017 22:22

I feel sorry for you. My MIL has tried to do this several times when we have been vague and booked something in this country and she knows roughly which area/county we are going to they threaten to maybe come and meet us for a few days but we are only going for a week!!! If we wanted you to come we would have invited you I scream in my head!!! They will ring us if they are going to meet us FFS. I then feel the holiday is ruined as I am dreading they may phone any minute every day.
This is a big holiday you'll have different interests and different paces. YANBU tell DH to grow a pair man up and tell them or I would change the holiday dates or place a little keep it quiet and pretend the travel agent must have changed it made a mistake or something. Say perhaps it's for the best and we can both enjoy spending our holidays as we choose.