To feel my holiday has been ruined

[Halle71]

There is a back story - I wrote a post in the summer about ILs descending from NZ for 3 weeks and DH was really nasty to me because I'm pretty introverted and found it hard to handle. I get on fine with them when we visit them but we are out and about doing our own thing rather than sitting in the house as they do here.

Anyway, in October we booked to go to Thailand for 2 weeks and they invited themselves - said they have a free week in Vietnam so they will come to Thailand before or after. I wasn't best pleased. Who the fuck does that? Invite themselves on other people holidays? I thought if I ignored it they might not do it. I told DH that if they have to, they can do the last week so we have a week by ourselves first.
Just got out of the gym to find a Viber from MIL to say they are booking 5-15 April.
We are there 1 (but arrive on 2nd) to 16. We leave v early that day.
So we have 3 days alone.
He won't pick up the phone and I'm on the bus shaking with anger.
We are booking our Xmas flights to NZ this weekend and I'm going to tell him to fuck off.
Sorry for the rant, like I said, I'm shaking!

I agree with Jay do them first and get it over and done with, although I wouldn't be having any of it.

This might not look good, but if your DH wants to babysit (or be babysat by) his parents, then maybe you should do what you're good at - go off by yourself and explore! I think I would have to. You've booked this holiday with the intention of having a relaxing beach holiday, finding secluded beaches away from the main drag - and lo and behold, someone who "hates beaches" invites themselves along and trashes that plan!

Well, don't let it. Leave your DH and his parents to whatever other thing they're doing, you troll off in your hire car (if you have one) and explore!

Yes, yes - I know it should have been with your DH, but perhaps after you come back from the first day out, raving about how much fun you had and what great things you saw, he might change his mind about sitting in with the folks...

Doing not their own thing might mean they are staying the same hotel as you, planning to run into you at breakfast and then actually sharing a villa for week 2. You need to clarify this.

YANBU.

Introverts frequently like spending time with people, but they find it draining. Extroverts on the other hand gain energy by being with others and feel drained by spending time on their own. An introvert having to spend two weeks with quite a few other people (even if they are closer relatives) wouldn't be rested at the end, they'd be exhausted, and quite irritable.

Good luck. I wouldn't do it - would flatly refuse to holiday with my Mil but you seem to have an ok relationship but yes it's a crap thing to do and either thoughtless or careless of them.

Yanbu. Bloody hell. Yanbu and thrice Yanbu.

YANBU. JUst remember if they'd stuck to the original agreement there wouldn't have been a problem. They moved the goalposts not you.
If anyone is crass enough to make you feel bad just say pils agreed you needed time on your own and originally they were only coming for one week.
If dh doesn't back you on this position I'd be giving him a bollocking.

I am have inlaws that are fairly geographically distant. They're usually quite good. However whilst visiting them and after stating that on a forthcoming 'down day' their DS and I were heading off for a day trip to see something lovely a bit away from where they live in the UK, I suddenly got 'Oh, thats our favourite place'... (accompanied with expectant looks) - what could we do? They're so polite? Right...
They wanted to eat here because they'd always eaten there before. They wanted to see this because those were the areas they'd failed to see the previous 20 times they'd been there. This was over Christmas. I am pregnant. Was 5 months at the time. I had never been there before. I had been looking forward to time with my partner, me and our little belly-encased baby. Not to be.

Worse still, the FIL refused to let us drive (he's 80+). We had to go in their car. After a horrific journey there. A horrific pacifying day there... we had to travel back in the dark which, to be succinct, was fing scary and fing dangerous. By the time I got back, my nerves were shredded. I said it once and once only 'We will NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN. I WILL NEVER ALSO GET IN A CAR WITH YOUR FATHER. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?'

The partner was mortified, but sheepish.. However, it was only when his colleague a week later said 'nice take over by your parents', did he realise that the day had been ruined and where I had been coming from.

All power to you sister, but that kind of shit will never happen to me again - and that was just one day. You were right to put your foot down. I will NEVER go on holiday with my inlaws. NOT EVER.

Thanks for the supportive messages. Good to know I'm not so abnormal!

That's my worry sanitysnake.
FIL is older than MIL and has a couple of health issues. Even in NZ at their beach house, where the weather is fresher and the beach empty,

The other thing I thought about (while stewing in bed over it), is that that between the 3 families we have 7 kids beteeen 1 and 7. We will keep them up later than usual, and maybe get sitters one or two nights, but we are in a hotel so generally quite early nights. PIL are big drinkers

Whoops pressed send.

.... but I'm buggered if DH is keavibg me to babysit while he goes out with them.

Well you could look at it like this they now get 2 weeks at Christmas instead of 3.Take the other week as your missed holiday and go somewhere with your dh.Just dont tell them about it.

Somewhere like Bali on your way to tehm.You arrive nice and fresh.

but I'm buggered if DH is keavibg me to babysit while he goes out with them.

I think you need to sit down sit your husband now and explain exactly what you don't want to happen.

Tell your Dh that your parents have said they want to come too, see if he thinks that is such a good idea, seeing his parents are coming.
Somehow I think if it was your parents and not his he wouldn't be so fine with it all.
If they are coming to Thailand, I'd cancel the idea of NZ for Christmas.

I'm with Summer on this one.. You need to tell your DH in no uncertain terms what will NOT be happening on this trip. I'd also tell him that you will be enforcing these terms vociferously, too. It is just not fair on you. Not at all. My thoughts and sympathies are with you x

This is bloody ridiculous. Your DH needs to establish some boundaries. It's all well and good them using the excuse that you hardly see them but that doesn't give them the right to muscle in on your holiday. Who the hell does that??

I would tell DH that in future that this will not happen again, and if parents invite themselves he needs to tell them to uninvite themselves.

He told them we want a week on our own so they are going to 'do their own thing' and meet us on the 8th.
It feels shit - I've got what I wanted but it will make me out to be an arse with the rest of the family etc

This makes me so angry. No OP, you haven't got what you wanted. You've got half your planned holiday and half a completely different family holiday.

Don't let anyone tell you it's fine and sorted now. Once again you've compromised and your H hasn't said no to his pushy parents.

The thing about living across the other side of the world is that they might like to spend more time with their son. Some people do like to be with their Parents / children more than others.
Often part if the deal for split families is that most holiday times are spent together.
If I could only see my parents at Christmas I certainly would expect a long time at Easter with them! He was perhaps reluctant to pick up the phone because he wants to see them but now he is trying to keep you happy also.