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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this free holiday again?

64 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/01/2017 12:40

Parents have a holiday home, they go several times a year for 2-3 wks at a time. Travel consists of a long drive (think 11am -6pm with a lunch stop) overnight ferry, then couple of hours drive again.

House is rural, looks nice, quiet I think. Local towns and villages.
They keep asking me to go with them. They will pay for everything. Previously I've said Im not willing to use 3 weeks of annual leave for it, and have animals to look after. This time though I'm on maternity leave and the animals are less and easier. Husband could look after them. I will however have a toddler and few months baby.

I can't say the idea of the holiday fills me with joy. The drive especially, I wouldn't fancy anyway let alone with 'the family'. I live my parents but not sure I fancy getting on for three weeks constant company.

Dm will be offended I feel sure. My siblings and kids are happy to take advantage of these free holidays wherever possible. I'm not keen on being paid for and can't/won't pay for a holiday I'm not that keen on.

So, aibu to keep saying no? And how do I get it across causing least offence?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 19/01/2017 12:43

Why do they want you to go if they live with you anyway? Wouldn't it make more sense if they went on their own, so you all had a break from each other? Would you fancy going if it was just your immediate family (DH and children) going?

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 19/01/2017 12:45

They don't live with me, sorry I meant I love me parents.

And no, it's not the sort of holiday I'd choose, it's expensive with the ferry crossing.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 19/01/2017 12:47

If you don't want to go then don't go Hmm

tiggerbounce77 · 19/01/2017 12:48

When your parents are no longer here will you look back and regret the times you decided not to spend with them?

Ilovecaindingle · 19/01/2017 12:49

I read it as 'love' my parents. .
Just tell them it would be more of a break for them without the kids and the noise etc and you have too much responsibility at home to have a holiday - you were thinking of time away with dh and the kids not just you and the kids anyway. Not a long drive and 3 weeks!!

JaquieFromTheBlock · 19/01/2017 12:50

I would never holiday with my parents.. a few weeks of being around them constantly would do my nut

Will they let you use the holiday home with your immediate family, as in loan it to you at a time they are not using it?

Your DM will just have to get used to you saying no hun, you cant protect her feelings to the cost of your own, just say you would prefer to spend holiday time with your husband and kids

ImperialBlether · 19/01/2017 12:50

Oh tigger, you can't use that to blackmail the OP!

carnationlilyrose · 19/01/2017 12:51

Do you have to take the ferry and drive and go for the whole three weeks? Why not fly to the nearest airport and just do a week out there? Why does it have to be all or nothing?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/01/2017 12:51

Would it be possible to fly there, maybe for a shorter period of time?

Overnight ferry plus a 2 hour drive suggests northern Spain or Ireland, both of which can be flown to comparitively cheaply.

tiggerbounce77 · 19/01/2017 12:51

It's not blackmail, if you won't have any regrets in the future then don't go

BarbaraofSeville · 19/01/2017 12:51

Cross post carnation

ChuckSnowballs · 19/01/2017 12:52

Can you not go for the last week, and then stay on yourself for another one or two?

Is it somewhere worth going? Eg France? Hmm cheese and a fresh baguette.

Trills · 19/01/2017 12:53

I would not want to spend 3 weeks living with my parents.

AndNowItsSeven · 19/01/2017 12:56

Journey sounds perfectly normal for a holiday, don't see the problem.

JaquieFromTheBlock · 19/01/2017 12:59

In fact when I say I never would go on holiday, I did once go on a holiday in the UK with my parents, me, my DD who was about five then, and my parents and it was a huge mistake.

I should have remembered from my own childhood how they are not very child friendly, and children are supposed to be 'seen and not heard'. Also decided to suddenly out of the blue get involved with disciplining DD which made me fume

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 19/01/2017 12:59

I would go, just once while you are on maternity leave and see how you get on. Make sure you have a way of getting out though - are you insured to drive the car so you can go out for the day alone?

Stonewash · 19/01/2017 13:09

You could say no, which you're entitled to do, and they should accept it.

Or you could go for a few days, and travel by plane.

EssentialHummus · 19/01/2017 13:09

Can you not go for the last week, and then stay on yourself for another one or two?

I'd do this. Also, fly there if you can (and want to).

HairsprayBabe · 19/01/2017 13:10

Why not just go for a week if 3 weeks is too much?

You can always go home if you aren't enjoying it - invent an animal emergency etc.

MaryMargaret · 19/01/2017 13:13

Went on holiday with dd at 4 months. Old enough to know she was away from home, not old enough (obviously) to know why. She cried practically the whole bloody time! more relevant perhaps is how you get on with dps, and what thete will be for todfler in the way of play parks, streams to paddle in etc etc. Will they enable you to have somevrest, or will it be stressful and exhausting. If you aren't pretty confident it won't be stressful, I suggest you say the travel will be too tiring wirh a baby (it certainly would have been with mine!)

Gizlotsmum · 19/01/2017 13:13

As pp have said could you go for one week in the middle of their 3 weeks? I can tolerate my parents for 5 days max before they start to irritate me.. but I still make the effort for holidays especially as the kids love it

mouldycheesefan · 19/01/2017 13:13

Confused as to why you have to go for three weeks? Is it because you would be travelling with them?

extrabiotin · 19/01/2017 13:18

You say parents will pay for everything, does that mean all travel costs or just whilst you are there or both?

TBH I would go for a week only. I would take a flight to the nearest airport and hire a car for the week. That has to be a better option unless the house is in Outer Mongolia or something!

You never know, you might really enjoy it, and go back every year after. But if you don't well, you will have done it once anyway.

eurochick · 19/01/2017 13:18

Going for a few days sounds like a good compromise. Would this be possible?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/01/2017 13:18

It's a long way to drive with a little baby and small child. If you want to go but it's the travelling that's putting you off, I'd think about flying and getting picked up from the airport if not too far away or do it in 2 days. You don't seem very keen though so it's really your choice. I would have thought the holiday home would be great once your children are older.

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