To say no to this free holiday again?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Parents have a holiday home, they go several times a year for 2-3 wks at a time. Travel consists of a long drive (think 11am -6pm with a lunch stop) overnight ferry, then couple of hours drive again.

House is rural, looks nice, quiet I think. Local towns and villages.
They keep asking me to go with them. They will pay for everything. Previously I've said Im not willing to use 3 weeks of annual leave for it, and have animals to look after. This time though I'm on maternity leave and the animals are less and easier. Husband could look after them. I will however have a toddler and few months baby.

I can't say the idea of the holiday fills me with joy. The drive especially, I wouldn't fancy anyway let alone with 'the family'. I live my parents but not sure I fancy getting on for three weeks constant company.

Dm will be offended I feel sure. My siblings and kids are happy to take advantage of these free holidays wherever possible. I'm not keen on being paid for and can't/won't pay for a holiday I'm not that keen on.

So, aibu to keep saying no? And how do I get it across causing least offence?

TBH, I'd do it sometimes. Especially as your parents are willing to help with your children, it could be a treat for you and of way of relaxing a bit. Looks like all you have to do is to pay for the ferry and maybe some small shopping while there so isn't that a way of saving for you on everyday expenses to compensate for the ferry cost?
You only have one set of parents and one day you may look back at those times and feel sorry you never accepted that invitation.

Do they have a very big car for you to all fit in?! My DCs carseats still take over one seat each so you can't fit an adult in the middle seat between them on the back seat. Once you also factor in buggy in the boot as well, is there not enough room - what a shame...

I would go with saying that it's a lovely offer but right now you don't think your children would cope with the long journey as they aren't good with car journeys of more than a couple of hours. That maybe when they are older you'll see if they are better at long car trips, or maybe you and DH could look at flying...

If you won't enjoy it and you'll see lots of your parents when they are in the UK, then dont be guilted into going.

In that case OP I think you're just going to have to say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. You're a grown up now. You're allowed to make your own decisions and there are ways of phrasing things that make them an easier pill to swallow.

However, if your DM is someone who takes offence easily you may just have to suck it up, while knowing that you've done yourself a massive favour that should make these offers a thing of the past. I wouldn't want to go ANYWHERE for three weeks, I don't think, and certainly not with my DM, so you have my sympathy. Take a deep breath and be honest.

oh sorry, missed your message that they have a 7 seater. so you'd be stuck with them for the full 3 weeks not even being able to pop to the shops without them...

Blame your DCs not being able to travel more than a couple of hours without getting sick. Make it about your DCs being unable to do the journey, not that no children should be in carseats that long, so you aren't going to get bullied into "well your sibling was happy for DNs to be in the carseat for more than 2 hours at a time..."

Price flights up get your parents to take luggage problem solved

Which 7 seater do they have? If its a Zafira/Smax type then that wont fit all of you in proper seats plus your gear. The boot seats are designed for occasional use for short journeys and I wouldnt put a car seat in them.

The car will fit everyone in OK, and they take a trailer for other stuff. Flights are not going to happen. Basically, they want me to go, travel with them, and be gone for 20 days Inc travelling days. It's not an option to do anything else - I can't afford to pay for alternative transport, and wouldnt in any case for a holiday I would never choose.

I don't want to sponge off them for a holiday, neither do I want to spend money on this holiday.

I do feel like I'm letting them down somehow.

I wish she'd stop asking tbh, I've said no for about ten years.

Have you checked out the cost of flights? I'm guessing it is France and quite often flights to the regional airports, off peak, can be v v cheap & you wouldn't have to pay for the baby. It might even be as low as, say, £60 for the 2 of you. If your parents picked you up at the airport and there were no more expenses, might it be doable? Recognising too that you won't be spending money at home that week on food etc.?

I do think YAB (a bit) U to shoot down every practical suggestion people have posted here.

Why are you so determined that you will not fly and this is unaffordable? If you don't want to go, don't. But with a family your size there must be some things you save and budget for and others you don't.

She's shooting down the suggestions because a) she can't afford them and b) she doesn't want to go.

OP, just keep saying no. Your DPs are sadly not getting the message, but just keep saying it. TBH I'd just say that you don't want to go anywhere for three weeks - its too long.

It doesn't sound like a holiday to me, just staying with your parents in a different house. Is there a pool and plenty of stuff to do? If it was a ' proper ' holiday with entertainment nearby, swimming pool etc the travelling wouldn't bother me but if its just a house in a rural area i wouldn't enjoy it with a baby and a toddler so i wouldn't go. Tell your mum you would love to go when the dcs are old enough to enjoy it.

Thanks juneau that's it really. We don't have much in the way of spare money, and what we might have/save can't be put towards this. A family holiday maybe, though we've not had one for 6 years due to finances.

And yes, three weeks is just too long. I'm going to go with that.

I think you just have to say that three weeks is too long and it's too much travelling with small child. That doesn't sound like an unreasonable excuse.

The people saying 'you'll regret the time you didn't spend with them' are being ridiculous. I adore my parents but I wouldn't want to go on a three-week holiday with them. They used to go to a friend's holiday home every year for a fortnight and DP and I would fly out and see them there for four or five days, and that was great, but three weeks would be too much for me, and probably for them too.

Three weeks with anyone (except DP) would be too much for me, I think.

Can you say no, but suggest some other time you can see them? A weekend away?