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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask parents to leave?

80 replies

Lalunya85 · 19/01/2017 08:43

Ds will be 3 at the end of the month and we have invited some of his friends and his nursery group to a party. The party is at our house and we've hired an entertainer for 1.5 hours.

The thing is, I miscalculated how many people would confirm to come! We currently have 13 kids confirmed including the birthday boy and his baby sister. We live in a terraced house with a large ish living room and dining area, a small kitchen, and a little extra room on the ground floor. Plus a small garden at the back. Two bedrooms upstairs.

I'm worried about space! I'm thrilled that so many have confirmed but what do I do with all the parents? At this age, would it be unreasonable to suggest to parents that they could leave the child at ours and pick them up in a couple of hours? Some of the kids will be 4 or nearly 4.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
misscarlar · 19/01/2017 08:46

I wouldn't leave my child unless I knew you well. These things tend to work out. could you move furniture Round a little - even temporarily into bedrooms if needs be

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 19/01/2017 08:48

Thanks misscarlar. This will be our first big birthday party so I guess part of it is just nerves at my end! I hope it'll all work out.

Good idea about getting rid of furniture. Will think about what we can move.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 19/01/2017 09:37

Some children will be fine with this, some won't cope at this age. I'd be as flexible as possible for this age group.

We used to do the furniture shifting thing and concentrate on games that took up more attention that space iyswim. Entertainer will probably sort that latter part. It was hard work at the time, but now that they are both grown-up I look back at those home-based parties with a good deal of nostalgia. 1.5 hours also seems like a good time: we found the maximum was 2 hrs, anything over that and you risk chaos.

User1234567891011 · 19/01/2017 09:58

Can you get a cheap gazebo thing and stick the adults in the garden with some drinks/food?

Strongmummy · 19/01/2017 10:10

Lalunya I know exactly how you feel. We had more acceptances than I had imagined at my son's third and it started stressing me out. However some dropped out on the day and we moved furniture round......I also had a glass of wine before the party so felt far more relaxed! agree with others that some parents wouldn't feel happy leaving their kids, but it'll be fine. Enjoy!

minipie · 19/01/2017 10:20

I wouldn't want to have left my DD at that age (even at nearly 4) as couldn't be sure she'd behave or remember to go to the loo in all the excitement.

I wouldn't have any problems with being crowded though!

Agree with furniture shifting, and ask the entertainer to do games which don't require a huge space.

BingoBingoBingoBango · 19/01/2017 10:23

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old.

purplecollar · 19/01/2017 10:24

I wouldn't ask them to leave. They'll find space to stand, don't worry.

I say that because when dd was 3 I was asked to leave to make space. I came back to find her and a friend completely unsupervised in the garden up in a treehouse with a 10 foot sheer drop in front of them. You can't watch 13 3 year olds yourself. There'll be toileting issues, food issues and some will do dangerous things. Don't take the risk.

ExplodedCloud · 19/01/2017 10:26

Neither of mine would have been suitable for leaving at 3, sorry.

FetchezLaVache · 19/01/2017 10:37

I wouldn't have been happy leaving DS at that age either, sorry. Can you see if you can shift the party to a cheap church hall or community centre?

TinyTear · 19/01/2017 10:45

Sorry, no one has left children in all the parties I've been to - 3 and 4 year olds

we have a party for my 5yo in a few weeks and because of space we only invited 5 children... last year we invited more so we hired a hall, this year it's at home , so only 5...

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 19/01/2017 10:51

Nope, I wouldn't have left mine at three either, I don't think one or two adults can supervise that many safely. I've hosted in a similar size house, everyone finds space, even if sitting on the stairs or similar.

Allthebestnamesareused · 19/01/2017 10:52

I don't remember people leaving their kids until it was parties at school and even then if it was abig venue like a Fun Factory (ballpond/laserquest) etc they'd wait and watch.

ChasedByBees · 19/01/2017 10:56

I wouldn't have left a 3 yr old.

GlitterGlue · 19/01/2017 10:56

Any chance of booking a church hall or community centre? Most people won't leave at that age.

lunchboxtroubles · 19/01/2017 11:03

I could have left my daughter at 3 - my son, no way, he still clung to me at birthday parties. I think you should assume most will stay, dropoff parties tend to start in Y1 in my experience.

my2bundles · 19/01/2017 11:13

I wouldn't trust someone to care for my child at that age when they don't know the parent well when there at so many children. It would only take one if them to cry for the whole party for uour attention to be taken away from the others. 3 year olds are still babies.

BarbarianMum · 19/01/2017 11:17

Sorry but I think YABU yes. At that age I think all you can do is say you are happy for parents to leave their child if they want to. Personally I'd not have left mine at that age.

Bushymuffmum · 19/01/2017 11:19

I suspect most people won't leave em at that age but I wouldn't worry about it - as long as there are some refreshments for the parents they won't mind hanging around - just make it clear if you don't mind them leaving for a bit.
IKEA do little metal stools at £3 each (or they did a couple of years ago) maybe u could buy a few of those?

middlings · 19/01/2017 11:19

DD1 (Reception) went to a party on Sunday. She flew in the door apparently (DH dropped her off), threw herself into the party and didn't even look over her shoulder (she knew DH was leaving her). I arrived to pick her up two hours later and got a nod in my general direction when I arrived.

There were at least five other parents there lamenting the fact that they hadn't been "allowed" to leave by their children and had stayed the whole time.

You'll get some who want to/can and some who don't want to/can't. No-one minds a bit of a squeeze and the nice ones will help out!

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2017 11:20

Most would not leave their 3 year old. Mabey a gazebo in the garden.

itsmine · 19/01/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArtfulPuss · 19/01/2017 11:22

I wouldn't have left my older two at 3 or 4 but by the time DS2 got to that age I was very much in the 'drop and run' camp, providing parents of birthday child were OK with it - there were always enough adults around who knew him well enough to comfort him if necessary or (more likely) to have a word if he was getting over-excited. It sort of depends how well the children and their parents know you, I think, and how many guaranteed adult helpers you have - you will definitely want some parents to stay!

Could you provide some grown-up snacks and drinks in the kitchen or dining room and encourage them to congregate in there, leaving entertainer + kids in living room?

GivenupSocialmediaNOTMN · 19/01/2017 11:26

YABU but it's probably because you're naive to what 3 year olds are like in a large group.

5moreminutes · 19/01/2017 11:26

Let people know you are happy for them to leave but it is a year or two too young to actually ask that they do. Some will be pleased to though, especially if they have a confident child and younger siblings - two of mine were happy to be dropped off at 3 and one wasn't. 4th birthdays at home are usually drop off where we are but it's fairly unusual to do a big party and the kids have usually been to each others houses before.

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