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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask parents to leave?

80 replies

Lalunya85 · 19/01/2017 08:43

Ds will be 3 at the end of the month and we have invited some of his friends and his nursery group to a party. The party is at our house and we've hired an entertainer for 1.5 hours.

The thing is, I miscalculated how many people would confirm to come! We currently have 13 kids confirmed including the birthday boy and his baby sister. We live in a terraced house with a large ish living room and dining area, a small kitchen, and a little extra room on the ground floor. Plus a small garden at the back. Two bedrooms upstairs.

I'm worried about space! I'm thrilled that so many have confirmed but what do I do with all the parents? At this age, would it be unreasonable to suggest to parents that they could leave the child at ours and pick them up in a couple of hours? Some of the kids will be 4 or nearly 4.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 19/01/2017 11:26

My experience of this is that the children, despite being a quarter of the physical size, take up waaaay more space than the parents at parties. Parents can tuck themselves into corners, and are unlikely to run around shrieking, and may even help you carry a plate or two to the kitchen. They can also act as a buffer between the 3-year-olds and any fragile or potentially dangerous spots.

Have you got a couple of chairs in the garden? Because if you have the back door open then it's a good idea to have a couple of adults out there anyway, to supervise. You can always deputise another parent to make them cups of coffee to keep them warm!

Dagnabit · 19/01/2017 11:27

I wouldn't have left my dc when they were 3 - and would you really want to be completely responsible for several 3 year olds?! Least if the parents are there, you can concentrate on hosting the party and not trying to get little Jonny it's always Jonny, the little fucker to stop weeing in your pot plants. The moving furniture and putting up a gazebo are both great suggestions.

MrsJayy · 19/01/2017 11:29

Do you want to be responsible for 14 3 yr old s plus baby once one says I want a wee they will all want a wee and then there is I want a drink oh o want a drink ... either just squeeze the parents in or see if you can get the church hall

5moreminutes · 19/01/2017 11:36

You might want to make sure people aren't planning on bringing both parents or siblings - maybe worth a ring around or group text mentioning that you are really pleased everyone can come but will be tight on space so parents are welcome to drop off if they have other children to look after, or of course if their child would prefer them to stay they are welcome but lease just one parent per invited child.

With my older two the parents expected to drop off or asked if it would be ok to stay as their child was a bit anxious, and I was very taken aback when I took DC3 to a 4th birthday party expecting to drop him off and all the kids had both parents staying the whole way through - most were only children but one had both parents and a sibling along ... the parents weren't old friends or anything and the invitation hadn't been addressed to the family, just for some reason that still baffles me there was suddenly a different dynamic... People can have quite unexpected expectations!

empirerecordsrocked · 19/01/2017 11:37

I wouldn't have left mine at that age and actually think its an unworkable number of small people for a small house if the weather is bad / cold and they can't go outside.

I'd decamp to a church hall.

TeethDrama · 19/01/2017 11:52

Parents are highly unlikely to leave children at that age because behaviour, upsets, toileting issues, tears, tantrums and a whole lot of stuff.

You have made a rookie error in inviting so many toddlers to your home. Don't worry, you won't make the same mistake again Grin

Toddlers/small children come with parents attached. Either invite less children or factor in at least one (possibly two) parents and also a few babies.

Clandestino · 19/01/2017 11:58

We only did the home party twice. Then we relocated happily to the playcentres near us and nothing would sway me to do a party at home. You come, kids make a mess, run around roaring, most parents leave anyway but you know someone else is going to clean up. Bliss.

TeethDrama · 19/01/2017 11:59

PS You will be very grateful the parents are around to deal with their own kids, even though you have an entertainer.

Not all the children will like the entertainer, some will be bored no matter how good the entertainer is, some will cry because balloons, loud noises, unexpected tricks.

Some will be more interested in playing with your DCs toys or exploring the house.

Some will be badly behaved even if they are normally great. It's hard to discipline two or three squabbles between children that aren't your own, sometimes the squabbles happen simultaneously.

Are you sure you can keep all these 3 year olds safe on your own? At a party for 3 year olds my DS went to, the hosts had an old glass (not safety glass) dividing door between the two rooms, which another child slammed hard and I just managed to whip my DS's fingers off the door frame before it slammed on them.

The food bit will be chaos if it's just you and your DH running the show.

Have the parents there, you can't be in 5 places at once. Maybe say "space is tight so one parent per child would be great" or something like that.

MimsyFluff · 19/01/2017 12:02

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old. Would you leave your 3 year old at someone's house that you don't know?

Jeanstootight · 19/01/2017 12:07

Id hire a hall - most kids wont want to be left alone in unfamiliar surroundings

SoupDragon · 19/01/2017 12:13

A gazebo in the garden...?? Its bloody freezing!

User1234567891011 · 19/01/2017 12:17

SoupDragon Listen. When I wrote that I was still tucked up in bed - I forgot it was January for a moment in that warm duvet cocoon, it was a shite idea, I see that now Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 19/01/2017 12:22

It will be fine.

Can you fit most parents into the 'other little room'? Even with folding chairs or cushions on the floor? Then use the living / dining room for the kids. Some parents will loiter with them. Don't bring food out until after the entertainer has finished. Offer drinks from the kitchen at the start.

My favourite children's parties have been in people's homes, where there has been a small, separate room for parents to sit in, eat biscuits, drink coffee and chat, while someone else runs the party. Lovely!

pithivier · 19/01/2017 13:55

I would say, you are welcome to leave your children with us, if you wish. This might reduce the numbers a bit.

CripsSandwiches · 19/01/2017 14:44

I agree with others - let parents know they're welcome to go get some child free time but you have to allow room for those that want to stay. I wouldn't have left my 3 year old because he might have had a tantrum about something or just got over excited etc.

Original poster
Lalunya85 · 19/01/2017 20:45

Thank you for all your replies! Seems like a unanimous verdict....!

And sorry for disappearing all day, work was busy Wink

I dont think we will look into church halls this year, but definitely in future!

I will let parents know that they are welcome to leave if they want but will be planning for them to stick around. I was kind of thinking that my closer friends would stay, so me and dh wouldn't be in sole charge of 13 pre schoolers and toddlers. But I can totally see the issues... So Thanks for setting me straight! I wouldn't want anyone peeing in my pot plants -and missing the target-. Grin

Also good to know people have had similar parties and remember them fondly! Or have been to parties like this and didn't mind the squeeze.

Glass of wine for me and any other adult that way inclined should sort out the rest!

I doubt we'll leave the back door to the garden and open, it'll be freezing! Might use the garden as a buggy car park...

And perhaps one of the bedrooms upstairs can be turned into an adult picnic area?

OP posts:
Kathsmum · 19/01/2017 20:47

Is there a hall nearby you can hire? More space and so much easier to tidy. Ours is anout £10 ph

chipsandchilli · 19/01/2017 20:55

I would find a small free church hall or cheap one for that many kids and parents and move t there with the entertainer if you can

Trollspoopglitter · 19/01/2017 21:08

I would definitely mention lack of buggy space. But agree with everyone else on not leaving a 3 year old (and many do start crying so imagine 4 of them in tears at same time, 2 needing a wee and birthday child wanting your full attention).

It's like herding cats.

Also, nursery parents who both work full time do often come in pairs if they don't have other siblings to watch as it's an opportunity to see their kids socialise with friends their own age and meet other parents.

itsgoodtobehome · 19/01/2017 21:20

I know you have said you have ruled it out, but village halls are dead cheap to hire. Ours is £18 for a birthday party - you get about 4 hours for that, so plenty of time to set up, clear up and have the party! Good luck.

greathat · 19/01/2017 21:23

Someone left a three year old at a party at mine once. It was my older child's party, so the older sibling was invited but I'd put the younger one there too. The grandma bought them both. I thought she'd stay she didn't. The 3 year old was potty training at the time too. It was stressful. DOn't be responsible for 3 year olds you don't know!

Ilovetorrentialrain · 19/01/2017 21:26

Was about to post but so many have said the same thing. OP your update sounds like a great plan. The party will be fab. Nobody will mind a bit of a squash and saying it's lovely so many could come is a good talking point.

EineKleine · 19/01/2017 21:26

Halls vary massively in price, from £20 or so to much much more. I don't think you can expect adults to huddle in an upstairs bedroom or the garden, it just won't work. And at 3 I would expect quite a few to come in couples, potentially with a baby in tow too, unless you specifically ask them to do otherwise.

BlackCatsRule · 19/01/2017 21:45

definitely relocate to a village hall.

Lazyafternoon · 19/01/2017 21:51

You'll be fine! Just have a space cleared that's big enough for all the kids to sit down on the floor, plus space for the entertainer to do their thing. Even if it means putting the dining table out in the garden/ garage making floor space is most important. If you're doing food keep it really simple (we did all prepackaged stuff like babybel, bagged carrot sticks, Pom bears, sausage rolls and mini sausages, then just party rings, jammy dodgers and that sort of thing for afters) so you can just put it out on the kitchen sides with paper plates, plastic cups etc so don't have piles of dirty plates taking up space on the sides!

I'd agree that at 3 it's an age (with my son and his friends parties) that both parents tend to turn up as its a social occasion for the parents as much as the kids. So unless you know otherwise cater for both parents turning up.

Also, no way would I leave my 3 year old at a party on his own unless you'd hired a full on crèche service with staff or I'd asked a particularly good friend to take charge of DS for me as a favour. I'd definitely want to know that there'd be a designated adult (who I knew and trusted) responsible for my child and they weren't watching more than about 3. It wouldn't be a personal thing that I wouldn't trust you, but trusting my sons nursery friends mum's friend (who you may have once shook hands with) to have responsibility for my DS for two hours at a birthday party with lots of sugary exciting craziness and entertainer to wind him up a bit more, with no parent present to tell him he's had enough sweets and crisps so he goes particularly hyperactive and bonkers, while I sit at home wondering how much havoc he's causing...? I'd rather stay and lurk in a corner with a glass of wine Wine

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