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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask parents to leave?

80 replies

Lalunya85 · 19/01/2017 08:43

Ds will be 3 at the end of the month and we have invited some of his friends and his nursery group to a party. The party is at our house and we've hired an entertainer for 1.5 hours.

The thing is, I miscalculated how many people would confirm to come! We currently have 13 kids confirmed including the birthday boy and his baby sister. We live in a terraced house with a large ish living room and dining area, a small kitchen, and a little extra room on the ground floor. Plus a small garden at the back. Two bedrooms upstairs.

I'm worried about space! I'm thrilled that so many have confirmed but what do I do with all the parents? At this age, would it be unreasonable to suggest to parents that they could leave the child at ours and pick them up in a couple of hours? Some of the kids will be 4 or nearly 4.

Any ideas??

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 19/01/2017 21:52

Definitely offer parents a drop and run. Most won't take you up on it but a couple might and even that would make a difference. I always stay at parties because it's generally expected. But, if someone offers ... I take every opportunity to leave my not-even-3-yet year old wherever and whenever with whoever! Grin

(not literally before anyone calls ss! - but with people I and she knows then sure).
She has much older sisters so I think I'm a bit blasé with her.

pyjamasonbananas · 19/01/2017 21:52

We've had 3 year olds left at parties, but it's not that common.

DEFINITELY check that you won't get both parents AND the younger sibling(s) - that's always been what's tipped me over the edge!

LowDudgeon · 19/01/2017 21:59

When DD2 was either 3 or 4 - forget which & can't check but I think 4 - we had a big party, at the village hall where she used to go to playgroup, & I expected most parents to stay.

In fact hardly any of them did (maybe because it was "at playgroup") & I was completely frazzled by the end! Shock

This was more than 25 years ago though. I don't know if parents are a bit less casual these days...

Good luck anyway, OP. Def have wine Wink

5moreminutes · 20/01/2017 07:54

Trollspooglitter that is the first sensible explanation I've ever heard of the "obviously a party invite addressed to one child means two parents and all children should attend even though we don't know the birthday child's family" mindset! I've always assumed excessively loved up parents who can't bare to be apart, or massively insecure parents who think neither can cope alone with the kid/kids or don't trust one another! BlushShock

Headinthedraw · 20/01/2017 08:00

I agree-look into a church hall.8 kids max for parties at our house and that's with no adults staying and lots of space (7 year olds)

Chewbecca · 20/01/2017 18:30

Why not look into a venue this year? It would really solve your problem.

& don't mean to be grumpy pants but if people are leaving their 3 year olds with you, I don't think you should have a glass of wine. All very well when looking after your own but other parents might be not terribly happy.

Shona52 · 20/01/2017 18:43

Sorry I wouldn't leave my child at this age alone (really should have been something you thought about then inviting so many - don't know many parents who would leave a child this age alone and st such a busy event)

A nursery adult ratio is 1 to 8 (for children 3 to 5) and less when under 3.

diddl · 20/01/2017 18:43

I'd have left mine given the chance!

Presumably the ones who go to nursery are used to being left.

How long is there before/after the entertainer?

Craigie · 20/01/2017 18:50

3/4 is too young to expect the parents to leave. Parents will just have to hover in the kitchen/other room.

lilywillywoo · 20/01/2017 19:11

I was happy to leave mine at that age, they were fine and I was glad of the break for a couple of hours.

KingLooieCatz · 20/01/2017 19:13

It's all very well with the village hall suggestions, they were plentiful where we used to live, we got the Scout hut for an afternoon for about £40 there, but where we live now I checked it out and couldn't get anything for less than about £100.

ifink · 20/01/2017 19:17

oh yes, we had the best 3 year old party for DD in our tiny London terraced house - I have the fondest memories of it too. It was ridiculously tight on space but three year olds really don't care - we had most of the adults in our (v narrow) kitchen with some dad's sitting on the stair case whilst the kids were in the front room. It's amazing how many you can fit in those victorian houses....

HelenaWay · 20/01/2017 19:20

I left mine at that age. I never stayed at a party with them. I didn't realise I was expected to Confused.

AnnabelC · 20/01/2017 19:27

A marquee in the garden, attached to the house with a heater. With sides of course. They are good for the summer also and not too expensive. Just saying. It probably is too cold . 😁

maddiemookins16mum · 20/01/2017 19:29

Parents expect to stay with their children these days, and 3 (or under) is still quite young, different at 5 or 6 years old.
Change the venue if possible, it will be far less stressful for you.

5moreminutes · 20/01/2017 19:31

I had 10 x 3 and 4 year olds for pfb's 3rd birthday (she was luckily the youngest). I roped in the older teen sister of her best friend (aged 16 or 17) to help and DH was in the building but mostly in charge of our then 12 month old my mum was also there if ratios had been a concern but only marginally more use than a chocolate tea pot as she tried to hog my attention and didn't speak the guest children's language

Not one parent stayed and that was fine. I did the party myself - musical chairs and pass the parcel and a treasure hunt (late summer so outdoors luckily) no entertainer.

It was a bit frantic but manageable... I learnt my lesson in terms of numbers and stuck to the local norm of one guest per year of child's age excluding siblings after that for all future parties, but vastly prefer it to 2nd birthday parties where inevitably every parent stays and you have to entertain the parents and feel self conscious if you try to go into kid entertainment mode. I do find kids generally easier to have in the house than adults!

It can be done but in the UK most parents won't drop and run - it doesn't hurt to offer and if 3 or 4 take you up on it that's 3 or 4 less adults to fit in to compensate for the ones who insist on turning up as a couple joined at the hip and both staying

Chrisinthemorning · 20/01/2017 19:39

I wouldn't have left DS at 3 and still not sure at 4 and in reception. He is starting to go on play dates without me though. I think nursery and reception parents stay and then by year 1 so 5/6 it starts to be ok to leave them
HTH

Lesley1980 · 20/01/2017 19:58

My sister in law had a party in her house with 5 girls from my nieces nursery & all the parents left. Hovered for a bit & then asked if they could leave. My niece was 4 so the girls would have similar ages but my SIL knew the parents quite well as they met at nursery pick up & drop off.

gemma19846 · 20/01/2017 20:49

I wouldnt of left mine at 4. Hes 7 now and id feel abit better about it but only if i knew the parents quite well too

caringcarer · 20/01/2017 22:29

I wouldn't leave a child under 5 but I would not mind sitting in kitchen or being a bit squashed.

Sara107 · 20/01/2017 22:37

It would be a lot to be left with 13 3 and 4 year olds, even with an entertainer. Just organising loo trips could take up your entire time! At dD's 4th party, parents stayed except for one child who was dropped off. She wouldn't join in, and I was trying to get tea ready for 24 kids. After a while, she decided to just take off. It was pretty stressful and I had to phone the parents to get back asap. So really, you need the parents there because just one or two awkward customers will completely tie up all your time and attention ( not to mention the loo trips, at that age half the kids will need help).

Blossomdeary · 20/01/2017 22:42

This is what we always did at every party when my children are small. We could not possibly have fitted all the parents in too. They were glad to drop them off and have a break! Why would the parents need to be there?

MindfulBear · 20/01/2017 23:48

Depends on the kids. Tell parents they are not expected to stay but those that do will be expected to bring some snacks & to help out!!!

PanannyPanoo · 21/01/2017 09:00

I would lose as much furniture as you can. put party tea in individual bags or boxes so children just sit on the floor to eat. nothing being passed round etc. on need for children to move. children in main room. parents will find space in hall sit on stairs, kitchen and your other downstairsroom. if food is all portioned out before you wont need to be moving around. I think it will be fab. chaotic but fab! Have fun.

GoodEnough1 · 21/01/2017 09:00

In my experience (a while ago as both mine teenagers now) the parents most likely to scarper and leave you to it are the ones that need a break from their naughty little tykes. Beware.

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