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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex mil dictating what she wants

64 replies

user1483809827 · 12/01/2017 10:31

Just had a call from ex mil. She wants to see dd (2) today but she's at nursery and I'm busy so therefore I said no and explained that ex will bring dd to visit at the weekend.

She then went crazy saying she wants to see her twice a week and that I don't know what it's like to be a grandparent. We were no contact since dd was born and in December ex and her made up. So it's been 3 weeks and she's dictating what she wants even though she didn't give a fuck before.

I told her that once a week is plenty when ex takes dd to their house and she shouted down the phone at me.

I'm also not happy with dd going to their house as it absolutely stinks. They're chainsmokers but don't smoke in the house when dd is there.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DailyFail1 · 12/01/2017 10:33

Yanbu. You've split with your ex now. If she wants to see your dd more often then she has to go through your ex. Would threaten to shop her for threatening behaviour if she continues to call you.

GreenTureen · 12/01/2017 10:33

Let her carry on dictating and then ignore it. If she calls again shouting abuse tell her to stop or you'll be blocking her number...then block if it happens again.

There's not much you can do about ex taking dd to MILs house but you can allow all contact to be facilitated through him and just keep repeating that to MIL.

Ilovecaindingle · 12/01/2017 10:34

Yanbu to leave it to your ex to take her in his time!!

Being a grandmother is a privilege!
Cheeky bat!!
Don't give her a second thought. .

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user892 · 12/01/2017 10:39

yanbu. put the phone down next time she starts shouting!

Original poster
user1483809827 · 12/01/2017 10:40

She thinks she has a right to see dd whenever she wants. We broke up when dd was 6 months old and she wasnt interested in seeing her.

Ex not surprisingly thinks I should let her visit. Why on earth should I?!

OP posts:
Petalbird · 12/01/2017 10:41

Nope the ex has to arrange the ex mil

Original poster
user1483809827 · 12/01/2017 10:41

Ex doesn't want to 'get involved' and won't say anything about her house smelling. I told him about the effects of second hand smoking and I know he agrees but he's just being spiteful. I'm really not happy about her going to their house

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user892 · 12/01/2017 10:43

I'm really not happy about her going to their house

Unfortunately you can't stop him :(

Trifleorbust · 12/01/2017 10:44

This really is your ex's problem. If you are happy to arrange ad hoc visits with your ex MiL then do that, but don't commit to any regular 'slots' - why the hell should you?

Original poster
user1483809827 · 12/01/2017 10:48

Not happy about it at all. If it meant that her coming here would replace dd going to theirs then I'd allow it as their house is horrible. But she's going there as well as them coming here.

OP posts:
ChickenPoop · 12/01/2017 10:50

I'd stop talking to her to be honest. She doesn't need to communicate with you she can speak to her son.

NavyandWhite · 12/01/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

38cody · 12/01/2017 10:51

No YANBU - he had visits in place and will prob be all too happy to be with his mother S it's easier for him. If she comes home with clothing smallimg of smoke then that has to be addressed and maybe you should take advice - threaten supervised access if he continues to put her young lungs at risk. Particularly as she didn't take an interest from birth I would stick to your guns and if she's rude again then def block her number.

dangermouseisace · 12/01/2017 10:57

YANBU you don't have to have anything to do with that woman. One of the joys of divorce.

You don't have to have her at your house, and you don't have to drop your kid off at hers. It's for your ex to sort out visits with your ex MIL, in his time. If she calls again say that all contact with your daughter needs to go through your ex and that she's not to contact you again.

I get the smoking thing…my kids used to come back reeking of it although exMIL didn't smoke in the house. It's disgusting, the smell gets everywhere.

pipsqueak25 · 12/01/2017 10:58

it's shitty but it's up to ex what he does on the contact time, you can't dictate to him about it but raise your concerns about the smoke again.
as for mil that's his problem, he needs to speak with her, you don't.
you could ask for contact centre arrangement but that will cost you and him to facilitate, not to mention strain relations between you.

Jaysis · 12/01/2017 10:59

She sees her grandchild on her son's access time. Nothing to do with you. Let her yell down the phone to him.

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 12/01/2017 11:00

Make sure nursery know that they are on NO ACCOUNT to release your DD to her if she turns up to "collect her early". Stick to your guns about the smoking.

You may need to speak with a mediator / solicitor about your wishes, and contact the police if she continues to harass you. Your xMIL has one grandparent day a year by law to see your DD. If you decide she's not to see your DD because of the abuse and harassment she's handing out to you, then you can get an injunction against her.

Hope everything goes well.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 12/01/2017 11:02

We were no contact since dd was born and in December ex and her made up.

With a bit of luck, he may go NC on her again.

Original poster
user1483809827 · 12/01/2017 11:03

He wouldnt want to upset his mum and is a coward so he wouldn't agree with me. The smoke thing is really bothering me.

OP posts:
ghostwatch · 12/01/2017 11:10

Ex has to deal with "his people" let him arrange it. She has no right to shout down the phone get caller ID, put some boundaries in place and nip it in the bud asap. I only contact ex with text unless his dd wants to chat with him. These days its civil and friendly but it wasn't always like that.

pipsqueak25 · 12/01/2017 11:12

as for the smoke thing, then you might need to seek contact centre.
as for mil once she has been blocked she might cause problems but take that situation if it happens and deal with it the best way you think.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/01/2017 11:14

I said this to my exMiL when I split up with her son

"One of the very few good things to come out of this split is that I no longer have to pretend to give a shit what you think."

Seriously, you don't have to listen to her.