Ex mil dictating what she wants

[user1483809827]

Just had a call from ex mil. She wants to see dd (2) today but she's at nursery and I'm busy so therefore I said no and explained that ex will bring dd to visit at the weekend.

She then went crazy saying she wants to see her twice a week and that I don't know what it's like to be a grandparent. We were no contact since dd was born and in December ex and her made up. So it's been 3 weeks and she's dictating what she wants even though she didn't give a fuck before.

I told her that once a week is plenty when ex takes dd to their house and she shouted down the phone at me.

I'm also not happy with dd going to their house as it absolutely stinks. They're chainsmokers but don't smoke in the house when dd is there.

AIBU?

You are railing against your ex mil placing demands on you, but think you are entitled to place demands on her.
Can't have it both ways.

Keep it simple. His contact, his family, his decision to make. The same goes for you and yours.

How often does ex have DD?

If they don't smoke around her you don't really have a leg to stand on

If they don't smoke around her you don't really have a leg to stand on

Even if they do smoke around her OP doesn't have a leg to stand on, unfortunately. Unless it's in a car, of course.

I agree pick your battles.

If your ex doesn't see a problem with DD going to his mums then it might be easier to let him get on with it unless there are really obvious concerns- e.g. MIL smoking around daughter, hitting, emotional abuse, whatever. If his mum needs to phone someone to say DD is ill it has to be him- you have nothing to do with her. I think quite a lot of MIL's/mothers have dangerous outdated advice/recommendations (mine had some crazy ones) and are stuck in their ways. I try to not think about what goes on when my kids are with exMIL as it is out of my control- I have to accept that my ex has to be the person to call the shots in his time as he has equal responsibility for the kids although they live with me. It is a hard thing to get used to, but it is possible, and your daughter will be fine. A lot of mums aren't happy about what goes on when their kids are with their ex but we have to let it go. If MIL is as much an arse as she sounds DD won't want to go to hers soon enough (my kids are now at the stage where the protest vehemently as ex MiL is a complete narcissist even worse than their father)

Well my ex is happy to respect my wishes and mil has been informed what they are. She's brought all of her sons up to bow down to her and has feuds with all 4 daughter in laws because we're the ones who stand up to her for the sake of our children

YANBU. Your relationship is with your ex, not her.
Record her, give a copy of the recording to your ex. Let him deal with it.

What's "one say a year for contact with grandoarent by law"

I have spent ages at university doing familŷ law and never heard of such a thing being automatic

God another MiL bashing thread......(just kidding)

Of course she's being ridiculous. It would be one thing if she'd been seeing dd every day and suddenly you're cutting her off. If she's had no contact for years she can't suddenly demand access at her whim. She can arrange it with her own DS during his contact time.

Why are you answering the phone to her?

Your xMIL has one grandparent day a year by law to see your DD.

I don't think this is true - I've certainly never heard of it.

Tell her you won't be getting into any conversation with her about DD or anything else until she can behave like a reasonable adult and conduct a conversation without shouting. Or tell her to fuck right off....

It's not chased

Don't let her dictate a thing! If your DD is coming back a bit smoky, maybe change their night to a school night? If she's going into school really smoky that will be noticed. If she has a respiratory illness, you can stop this, if not you can limit it. Only communicate with any of them by text or email, keep it logged