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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm done, and to stop breastfeeding?

55 replies

Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 08:19

My DD will be 2 in March. It's been a hard 2 years with my husband walking out on us at the end of October.

I've breastfed. We had no problems. Other than at around 6months when she decided that only left boob would do.
I had planned to continue till she was 2. However I'm done. I want my body back. I'm sick of her pulling at my top and demanding 'boboo'.
We are lucky that we live with my mother (this is so identifying) who is a retired midwife. So she is going to help.
Despite me knowing that I'm done that I've had enough I feel guilty. Alot of guilt. So I guess what I'm trying to ask in the most roundabout way is, AIBU to stop now? And what should I expect? Everyone helps with establishing BF but not much info on what to do to stop.

OP posts:
dodgydonkeysdoodah · 10/01/2017 08:26

I breastfed DD, like you, til almost 2. Had planned 2 in my head but got that I wasn't enjoying it any more. I think it was only bedtime feeds by then but she didn't need it and was more interested in using me as a climbing frame and trying out all sorts of new feeding positions which wasn't very comfortable for my poor nipples! I think distraction techniques and going out to leave your child with your mum at crucial times is the way ahead, but it does rather depend how much you're still feeding / producing. If it's more than one or two a day, you'll need to cut down first as your boobs might explode!

dodgydonkeysdoodah · 10/01/2017 08:27

PS Don't feel guilty. You've done way, way more than most people will ever contemplate.

Original poster
Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 08:30

It is more than 2 a day. She mainly uses it for comfort. I don't know how much she actually feeds though..

OP posts:
TheRealCurlySue · 10/01/2017 08:31

Please don't feel guilty. Any amount of breastfeeding is better than no breastfeeding. You have done immensely well feeding your DD for as long as you have.

IWantATardis · 10/01/2017 08:32

If it's not working for you anymore, then YANBU to stop.

No advice on how to go about it as DS2 self weaned, other than to agree with the pp about cutting down gradually probably being best to stop breasts getting engorged.

Original poster
Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 08:32

I'm actually dealing it, but for my own sanity we need to stop now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 08:34

Iwantatardis - I kept hoping she'd self wean... Though I think she'd still be ringing me in her twenties. She's obsessed.

OP posts:
Bettyspants · 10/01/2017 08:35

Oh my goodness don't feel guilty! I was ready to stop when ds was two and I think he was too but I kept on as he loved the comfort...for another 2 years... bloody hard when working full time and I started to almost resent bf !!! I was so determined to not feel the pressure to stop at 'an appropriate age' with FB it went the other way and was a bit of a night mare!! You've done an awesome job!

Isadora2007 · 10/01/2017 08:40

I have heard of people saying boobs (or the term their child uses) are poorly and some even put a plaster on them and then the child knows they're off limits for now and just kind of stops.
Personally I would rather just put some boundaries in place so only milk in bed or before bed or first thing in the morning. Is there a feed you actually enjoy OP? I would keep that one but cut all the others. Use distraction and possibly even a reward.
When I weaned DS because I was pg and it just felt yuck I bribed him with a wee snooker table. Told him only big boys got snooker and so if he was big he couldn't have Milkies any more. So when he cried for milkies I reminded him he was a big snooker playing boy... distraction during the day... tire her out. Really be SURE it's what you WANT to do as I found it so so hard when it was a "I suppose I should" rather than an "I want" as it is An emotional thing and a type of relationship.

Which is also why I asked if you'd consider keeping one feed. Then you stick to "milkies at x time" and distract as above. That would also be a gradual end to your journey and might help you feel happier about our choice as it will continue towards her second birthday but Be ending as well.
Best of luck. Feel free to pm me as I have four children all of whom have stopped in differing ways age 2 ish.

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/01/2017 08:51

My child is a little younger than two, but I'm in the same situation. Breastfeeding is causing me some physical difficulties (I can't shift weight, my menstrual cycle is all over the place, sweet child occasionally bites/chews and thinks it's hilarious that it causes me pain). I don't mind a quick night feed but any other milk offered is usually thrown everywhere after a few sips. Sorry, no advice, you're doing the right thing!

followTheyellowbrickRoad · 10/01/2017 08:55

I was lucky and mine all self weaned. My friend went down the sticking plaster route and that worked for her.

Joolsy · 10/01/2017 08:59

If she is mainly doing it for comfort, you should not feel guilty in stopping now. I bf both my DDs till they were 9 months, then teeth started growing and I got bitten (is that the correct word? Sorry still not awake) so I stopped, without an ouce of guilt. Good luck

Miserylovescompany2 · 10/01/2017 09:04

You've done a fabulous job. Please don't feel guilty.

HardofCleaning · 10/01/2017 09:05

I breastfed my DS until 3.5 and am glad I did but it sounds like it's definitely time for you to give up. I knew it was when it became obvious my DS wasn't going to self wean (or at least not before he was 6) and I became resentful of doing it. You need to look after yourself too. She's got 99.999% of the benefit she'll ever get out of it now and if you're not enjoying it it's a case of diminishing returns. Stop and feel proud not guilty.

GreenGoblin0 · 10/01/2017 09:07

I BF until DD was 2 yrs. was always intending to do it for a year and assumed she would self wean but never showed any signs of doing this. then decided to go on for 2 years but towards the end had really had enough of it most of the time. I remember feeling completely torn about it - recognise your description of using body as a climbing frame! we coincided the weaning with a 2 night conference away from home that I had to go on with work. when I got back she did ask for milk but I had to keep telling her it was all finished. Had to get DP to do bedtimes for quite a while after that. not sure how we would have weaned her without me going away tbh as she was Def using BF for more than comfort and was having 2 feeds a day. it will be hard. perhaps you need to tell her for a few days before that mummies milk is going to finish soon and then tell her when it's the last feed and then just keep telling her no more milk etc. will Def help to have your mum and DP take her from you when it gets too difficult. good luck.

GoodEyebrowDay · 10/01/2017 09:07

I only managed 6m before I had to stop. You've done bloody brilliant to last almost 2 years, well done

GoodEyebrowDay · 10/01/2017 09:08

Oh & I felt totally guilty at first but now, 6m down the line I barely even remember the bf days let alone feel guilty about them. Don't have the time!

CatsCantFlyFast · 10/01/2017 09:08

I stopped on my Dd's second birthday. We built up to it gradually, I might weaned and then dropped feeds one at a time so we were left with one a day. Plenty of warning that after her birthday no more milk. It was fine in the end, I think because we did it slowly

YokoUhOh · 10/01/2017 09:11

2 years is great, be kind to yourself.

DS1 would also have carried on until he was 35, but I stopped his final bedtime feed at 2.8 because breastfeeding was too effective a contraceptive and I wanted to conceive DC2 (now DS2!).

rightsofwomen · 10/01/2017 09:13

Of course YANBU, BF is a two way partnership.

Please don't feel guilty, it benefits no one, though I do understand.

You have given your DD such a great start.

The only thing I would say is that there are ways to set boundaries for your DD should you wish to continue. At nearly 2 she is able to learn to BF at certain times (say nap and bed time). With both mine I believed that they associated BF with comfort, which is fine of course, but they need to learn that there are other ways to find comfort.

So I went through a period with both of them of saying no to BF and trying to distract them or show them other ways to find comfort. This is when your Mum could help - just whisk your DD away and distract.

Or just be firm and say "no Mummy milk now, Mummy milk at nap time". You could tell her that BF only happens upstairs in her bedroom (or whatever). It was tough for a few days and there was a w/e I felt I couldn't sit down for fear of top tugging, but it was worth it as we were both much happier when BF just happened a couple of times a day. Both went on to self-wean.

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 10/01/2017 09:13

Just want t say, 2 years is amazing! Seriously, well done.
I think regardless of when you give up breast feeding, there is always guilt associated with it. Once you've done it, the freedom is lovely!

Gooseygoosey12345 · 10/01/2017 09:17

2 years is brilliant! I managed 3 weeks with DD1 and felt so guilty! My midwife told me to stop in the end (I had severe PND, it wasn't helping). You do need your body back, and you feel ready so it's ok to stop. Hoping I can last as long this time

dustarr73 · 10/01/2017 09:24

I know the feeling you just to have your body to yourself.My last child i weaned him at 18 months.He only fed at night and in the morning.It was getting to the stage i just didnt enjoy it anymore.

Break the habit.My dp used to put him in the bed in the morning for a feed so i stopped that.Got up and got breakfast.Same with nighttime,got dp to do bedtime.After a few days it was grand.He did look for a feed a few times but i told him no.Good luck.

HardofCleaning · 10/01/2017 09:27

in terms of how we did it cutting back gradually worked well for us. First night weaning, then only in the morning and before bed, then only in the morning then not at all.

1horatio · 10/01/2017 09:28

2 years? Wow!

DD is 5 months and I'm to breastfeeding anymore. (She isn't on solids, don't worry), which makes me feel really guilty, actually. But I just couldn't do it.

So. Wow. Nearly 2 years. YANBU.