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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm done, and to stop breastfeeding?

55 replies

Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 08:19

My DD will be 2 in March. It's been a hard 2 years with my husband walking out on us at the end of October.

I've breastfed. We had no problems. Other than at around 6months when she decided that only left boob would do.
I had planned to continue till she was 2. However I'm done. I want my body back. I'm sick of her pulling at my top and demanding 'boboo'.
We are lucky that we live with my mother (this is so identifying) who is a retired midwife. So she is going to help.
Despite me knowing that I'm done that I've had enough I feel guilty. Alot of guilt. So I guess what I'm trying to ask in the most roundabout way is, AIBU to stop now? And what should I expect? Everyone helps with establishing BF but not much info on what to do to stop.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 10/01/2017 09:35

My DD is 2 in a few weeks and still breastfeeds. To be honest I don't see how 'waiting until she is 2' is going to make a huge difference? It's not going to be easy today or in a month?

I salute all you extended breastfeeders. It's hard. I have forgotten what it's like not to have a child hanging off my breast!!!!

( said child is fine when I'm at work or not there but if I'm home she is always wanting 'booby')

ToastyFingers · 10/01/2017 09:49

I fed dd1 until she was somewhere between 18 months and two years, and then called it quits because it was becoming a real strain.

Looking back, we hardly went anywhere, because if I refused to feed her out and about she'd cry and cry or pull my top down.

She was very verbal and spoke in sentences at 18 months and has always been tall, so I got some filthy looks when she'd start screaming "I want milk now, mean mummy!"

Dd2 has just turned one, and I've cut feeds down to just the bedtime one, which seems to be going fairly well so far. Fingers crossed eh?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 10/01/2017 09:49

Well done to you! Breastfeeding is hard work and you should feel really proud of yourself. I fed til just past 2 years and I felt horribly guilty for stopping too. It's the natural state of mothers to feel guilty so try not to sweat it.

I dropped the least necessary feeds, one every few days, because when we started to stop around 2 years I was still feeding DS to sleep plus mid-morning, midday and afternoon feeds.

Non-sleep related feeds were easy with distraction. Also with a cup of regular milk instead so you know they don't actually need it.

For the to-sleep feeds I gave him a big cup of milk then explained how it's just milk anyway and he'd already had some so he didn't need more. A couple of nights he kicked up a stink about it but it didn't take long to get the idea. I did have to just say no sometimes and if he didn't get too too upset I'd just cuddle him to sleep. If he got really upset I gave in...

Anyway, when it was down to just the comfort feeds if he woke in the night I explained to him the milk was about to stop working because he was a big boy now and that milk is just for babies. It made sense to him. He asked a few times to feed again but I just explained it had gone away. Which it had.

I don't think there's much acknowledgement of the fact that breastfeeding is really, really hard to keep up long term, even when you don't have problems with it. It's just plain exhausting. Good news is you will feel your energy levels return when you stop. I find having the energy to be a better mum more than makes up for finishing breastfeeding after such a long time. And to be honest, it may take til March for you to stop completely anyway (if you're a pushover like me).

Trifleorbust · 10/01/2017 10:16

Two years?! I can't believe you're questioning yourself to be honest. You have done more than all but a tiny number of mothers, and more than transferred any (marginal to start with) health benefits to your SD in the first few weeks.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 10/01/2017 10:34

Of course YANBU! She doesn't need it for sustenance anymore.

I stopped at 14 months and never felt any guilt over it at all. I don't really understand people that do if I'm honest - food gives them the calories they need and cuddles and kisses give them the comfort they need. I don't think I've ever heard of an adult saying they resented being denied the boob at any age!

Mari50 · 10/01/2017 10:35

I bf my daughter until she was 2.5, I stopped because I got tired of the jumper pulling and figured that if she was old enough to vocalise she was old enough to cope without. Plus I was sick of seeing my nipples stretched like chewing gum as she let them go to be honest (I had such lovely nipples pre bf)
I was bf morning and night (and any stressful times), I just told her that mummy's boobies were broken and there was no more milk, she wasn't overly impressed the first night but by the next night she was over it. We still had cuddles and quiet time. She did look wistfully at my breasts for a couple of years if she saw me naked but it was an easy transition.
Good luck and well done.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 10/01/2017 10:36

I fed DS1 until 13m (stopped to get periods back for a second pregnancy) and DS2 for 20m.

With DS2, I reached a similar point. He'd become more erratic and demanding about feeds and it had turned from being a pleasant cuddly time into a chore where my body felt claimed. Had he weaned down to a regular bedtime feed, I'd have been happy continuing, but it felt like a liability. He'd happily adjusted around working 3 days a week since 10 months anyway. I went cold turkey. I'd gone cold turkey in the night a few months earlier as I was exhausted. He was told the milk had gone and stopped asking after 2 or 3 days of refusal.

There's no need to feel guilt. The benefits of breastfeeding diminish over time, so if the cost to you isn't worth it, it's not worth it (although this applies at any stage). It's not like the early stages where there's a decent chance of things getting easier in the near future, and milk being the only source of nutrition.

downwardfacingdog · 10/01/2017 10:44

Yanbu. I found a good bra that helps makes your breasts physically inaccessible is useful when weaning toddlers. Good luck.

PostTruthEra · 10/01/2017 10:52

Congratulations on feeding for so long! You've done so well and given your daughter such a great start. There is no way you should feel guilty at all!

Allthewaves · 10/01/2017 11:00

Your not enjoying it, then stop. Cut down to night feed and wear a good bra so she can't get access. Say no during the day and distract. it's a learned behaviour for her now so she's going to ask then moan/have a strop when she doesn't get her own way, like most 2 year olds. As long as you set boundaries and stick to them religiously you will be surprised how quickly she forgets about it

StarryIllusion · 10/01/2017 11:12

I managed 6 weeks before switching to formula. It just made my skin crawl, I hated it and it got so bad I just wanted to throw him across the room to get him off me. You've done brilliantly to carry on this long.

Purplebluebird · 10/01/2017 11:45

You've done so well to get to where you are! Don't feel guilty about stopping, you can help her find other ways to be comforted, like cuddles and hugs. I am still bf'ing my almost 3 year old, and can't wait to stop! I just don't know how to get him to sleep without it O.o

Original poster

Kit2015 · 10/01/2017 12:59

I've not had time to read all the replies in full but since my husband left I've questioned everything I've been doing. So I just wanted to say thanks. Your responses have made me cry. Thank you.

OP posts:

justpeachy74 · 10/01/2017 13:21

My dc is 2 now and I feel the same as you. I'm glad we did it but I really want to stop now. I have done for a while. I just don't know how to and then there's the guilt. No one makes me feel guilty. It's just me. And dc's little face. She enjoys it so much still.
Anyway I understand the guilt and objectively I would say you've done an amazing job, especially with what you've been through. Now give yourself a break.
Good luck.

badabing36 · 10/01/2017 13:33

Mine is just over one and I'm place marking here because I want tips.

No reason to feel guilty. Everyone I know, (who has asked me outright if I still breastfeed) asks me when I'm stopping. I don't know! I don't know how you stop. People make you feel guilty for stopping, or a weirdo for carrying on you can't win.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 10/01/2017 13:45

My DS is a little older but has recently developed a liking for cows milk and he now only breastfeeds at bedtime, but that's mainly because it's my only way of getting him to keep still long enough to go to sleep! There were odd days at first where I basically couldn't sit on the sofa because he'd assume it was time for milk.

You have no reason to feel bad for stopping. You can carry on and cut down if you want, you can stop completely.

With younger babies, you're advised to stop gradually to prevent engorgement and pain but I would guess that this will be much less of an issue at this age. Maybe there will be some discomfort, but I don't know. I'm sure there's a peer supporter somewhere on here that will know better than me.

I recently got out a load of clothes that I haven't been able to wear whilst he was feeding a lot, especially big jumpers, perfect for this time of year!

Good luck

MrsNutella · 10/01/2017 13:49

op if it isn't working for you then stop. It's the right thing for you. Follow what you feel is right

I stopped with both of mine around 10months (they were wriggly and pinched me, it just wasn't fun for me at all!)

A friend stopped with her DD around 2 or 2 1/2 by putting lemon on her nipples. She told her DD that her milk was bad and that was it. I thought it was a good simple idea.

ImatationOfLife · 10/01/2017 13:59

It is absolutely OK to stop when you're ready to (and I say this as someone who fed for 3 years and extended co sleeping too).

Also recommend gradual i.e. no feeding in the day, then we did no feeding at bed time and actually left the night feeds for last as I didn't want screaming in the night.

Good luck!

rightsofwomen · 10/01/2017 14:02

I don't think there's much acknowledgement of the fact that breastfeeding is really, really hard to keep up long term, even when you don't have problems with it. It's just plain exhausting.

This wasn't my experience at all. It would have been more work to stop I think.

TooSmittle · 10/01/2017 14:16

To echo everyone else, YANBU at all! You've seen her through what must have been a tremendously difficult time for you both, you've given her a great start in life nutritionally and it's absolutely fine to recognise your own needs too. Don't feel sad, feel proud.

I read about a woman in your situation who put plasters on her nipples and told her DC that her boobs were broken and there was no more milk. DC accepted it fine and took to a new, 'special' cup very well. It might be something to consider?

You must have been through hell recently, I hope you're as ok as you can possibly be.

domesticslattern · 10/01/2017 14:29

You know the chair you usually sit on to bf?Just don't sit on it for two or three weeks. Seriously, I found as soon as I sat down DD2 would clamber on. I felt dessicated. I spent a lot of time standing up! After two weeks she had completely broken the habit.

DixieNormas · 10/01/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/01/2017 14:34

I gave up at 4mths after using both bottles and breasts since he was 2 weeks due to medical issues.
I felt incredibly guilty and I think that is a normal response.

NotCitrus · 10/01/2017 14:40

I remember this age with dd. She was still sleeping in my room which meant she'd wake in the night and want me, and at 4am I would take the option that involved me not having to get out of bed and would shut her up...

Finally just over 2 she got her own room, I shoved her in it, and thankfully she and I both slept better and when she woke I tucked her in again, end of problem. She's learning so much right now, so many new ways to interact - cuddles and stories and doing things with mummy...

FarAwayHills · 10/01/2017 14:52

Don't feel guilty you've done amazing. No one should feel guilty if it's not working for them. As my DM pointed out during my guilt at stopping, how many adults do you know that are traumatised because their mum stopped breastfeeding or when kids reach school age who will know or care who has been breastfed for longer.

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