To be annoyed with this host?

[forwhom]

Background:

An old friend invites a group of us to her holiday house for New Year's Eve. A lot of people pulled out which left quite a hodge podge group.

We arrived early in the day and her and her family where there. They took us out boating and we had a really nice time.

New Years night rolls around we all pitch in and cook dinner everyone gets sloshed but DH and have young kids so head to bed earlyish.

Wake up in the morning hosts mother is there but not host we potter about then go off and do our thing come back around lunch time and have a good chat to hosts mum. Host still isn't to be seen. It gets to around 2pm and we are feeling really out of place so decided to go home.

Ring host once back home to say thank you etc

Still haven't heard anything from her...

Where was the host? Still in bed?

Why are you annoyed?

Did you ask her Mum where she was? Did anything happen yesterday/last night to piss her off? Could she have taken offence at you going to bed early and didn't want to see you today as a result?
Sorry for all the questions but it's odd behaviour from someone who's invited you. Seems she may be annoyed at you for something.

Weird that they didn't leave a note or message or tell you the night before that they would be out this morning.

I am assuming she was sleeping off a hangover, we didn't have a choice we had the kids with us so had to stay behind with them and not go to the bar.

I guess I felt annoyed that I still
Haven't heard from her. Hangovers suck I don't care that she needed to sleep but it's been almost two days now and still nothing?

Maybe she was just really really really hung over and couldn't move or speak been there

Sounds like she put you up and looked after you well, possibly thought her mum was a fair proxy in a group setting.

I don't know why you felt out of place or why you had to leave? Why did you feel you needed to be "hosted"?

Sorry for the three replies. Her mum didn't know where she was. She was either in one of the guest houses or staying out with someone.

Did you leave early? Or just leave without saying goodbye?

X post

How has it been nearly two days? Are you not UK based?

Perhaps your message went astray, all mine did today as NYE tends to fuck up the networks for a while and she thinks you sloped off in a mood?

It was probably my anxiety making me feel out of place. We had to leave that day anyway.

I can't think of anything we did to piss her off...

Is she single? Maybe she is in the midst of an rampant NYE fling

I am not in the UK it has not been 12 hours. It is the night of the 2nd here.

I just really wanted to say goodbye in person but couldn't find or reach her, I left a phone message and text message (one about a seperate issue) and haven't heard anything.

Now my anxiety is making me panic, have I pissed her off??

I am not in the UK it has not been 12 hours. It is the night of the 2nd here.

She's probably fine and not pissed off, nothing to panic about. Just wait to hear from her. Not much else you can do.

Honestly don't fret, these things always turn out to be innocuous.

She might just be pottering about clearing up, or on days out and a bit lax in contact.

Ther is no major bad behaviour on either side to be annoyed about, honestly.

I'm not sure why you'd be annoyed. Do you want her to thank you for thanking her? If no one is sure where she is that might be worrying, but then her mother would've raised the alarm probably.

forwhom I am not sure why you are angry. She looked after you well.

"I just really wanted to say goodbye in person but couldn't find or reach her, I left a phone message and text message (one about a seperate issue) and haven't heard anything."

Could you send a bunch of flowers by interflora or a box of chocs by post/courier to say that you had a nice time and are sorry you could not find her to say goodbye in person?

"Now my anxiety is making me panic, have I pissed her off??" I doubt it but anyway, even if you had, you did nothing wrong.

If you're hosting then surely it's rude to not show your face the next day when you still have guests. I can understand why OP would have felt out of place. Even if she was really hung over should could have shown her face for 5 mins and explained she's hung over and needs to go back to bed. Or if she was too ill to show her face she could have text to say sorry she didn't appear the morning after

Exactly - is it really normal to not show your face the next day?

What's she normally like when she drinks, does she just have a few or go totally OTT? She may not remember very much about the night.

Also, if I had invited people to stay for NY I would actually expect to spend NYE together. That would either mean staying in to see in the NY or else as many people as possible staying together to go out. Did you know they would be going out? If I had been hosting you and plans were clear in advance, i would probably have expected one of you to come out to celebrate? But then it's a pet peeve of mine when couples cancel arrangements because of childcare when one of them could still go if they really wanted to.

What did everyone else do with their DC?

I wouldn't send flowers btw - as long as you took a gift at the time it's not necessary and actually makes it look like you did something wrong.

Who else stayed over and was up next day, was it just her missing?

I am assuming she was sleeping off a hangover, we didn't have a choice we had the kids with us so had to stay behind with them and not go to the bar.
Was this an adult only NYE? Has she got DC?

Sounds like she's not yet ready to answer texts or get in touch. If she's anything like me, this will be nothing to do with you, she just doesn't want to answer when she's hungover/busy. Is she still at the holiday house?