To be annoyed with this host?

[forwhom]

Background:

An old friend invites a group of us to her holiday house for New Year's Eve. A lot of people pulled out which left quite a hodge podge group.

We arrived early in the day and her and her family where there. They took us out boating and we had a really nice time.

New Years night rolls around we all pitch in and cook dinner everyone gets sloshed but DH and have young kids so head to bed earlyish.

Wake up in the morning hosts mother is there but not host we potter about then go off and do our thing come back around lunch time and have a good chat to hosts mum. Host still isn't to be seen. It gets to around 2pm and we are feeling really out of place so decided to go home.

Ring host once back home to say thank you etc

Still haven't heard anything from her...

So did you stay in one of the familiy holidays cottages? Maybe she didn't see herself as 'host' if you didn't join in with NYE (she went to bar & you went to bed).
Sounds like you did your own thing NYE so she did the same the next day!

I am not in the UK it has not been 12 hours. It is the night of the 2nd here.

How? Where on Earth are you?

Probably Australia or New Zealand Snap8

Even at 2am here it would have only been mid afternoon in Auckland. Earlier in Australia. Nowhere is 24 hours ahead of us!

I also at the time. Unless 3pm is night in NZ. If OP is in Samoa it could have been 4pm on the 2nd when she posted at 2am GMT.

If the rest is for real though you are really overthinking this OP. Just chill out and I'm sure you will hear from her soon.

YANBU, OP. It is very poor hosting and just plain weird not to show your face the next day if you are staying with them.

And it is not rude to go home early, especially when you have children with you.

It can't possibly have been "the night of the 2nd" when you posted that, wherever in the world you are. It was 2am UK time. Why exaggerate?

I'm on an island of the coast of New Zealand. I should have said late afternoon sorry.

I am assuming I am overthinking this. I always do.

The plan was to all stay together on NYE at the main house. We are the only ones with children and she assured us that it wouldn't be a problem (it wasn't) once they all got drinking and at around 11:15 everyone decided to go to the bar. Her mum offered to babysit the kids which we declined as she had said earlier in the day that she wanted a nice early night.

One of us could have gone to the bar and I suggested DH go but he didn't feel up to it and nor did I. ( we both love to party and know we wouldn't have been able to stop once started)

The plan was for lunch on the beach and boating the next morning. We were the only ones staying with them everyone else had booked a place down the road.

There is no - one else there now.

I don't expect anyone who is hungover to go boating or keep up lunch commitments but I do think it is odd to not show your face at all.

Did anyone else turn up or was it just you and her mum?

Sorry x post

It does seem odd that she didn't surface at all (we've got friends staying at our holiday house, and I was feeling bad for lolling in bed until 8am these past two mornings), and that she hasn't replied to your texts or messages. I mean, how long does it take.

Having said that, I'm sure there's an innocuous reason for it, and that you'll here from her at some point.

I also think you're over thinking this, she easily might not have got back till after six am or whatever, so she may have simply been sleeping it off. She maybe also read the text, thought she'd respond later then just forgot, or even she stayed elsewhere.

All this, I'm annoyed at her, is she annoyed at me stuff isn't necessary, no one needs to be annoyed with anyone.

So the friends mother offered to babysit, so you could celebrate NY. Was that not the point of the invite to celebrate NY together? To be honest, that would annoy me. Maybe give the friend some space and let her reply in her own time. You've left a message and sent a text...so, I'd leave it personally.

Just out of curiosity, what was the other issue that you had? Could this in itself have caused upset or embarrassment? I'm clutching at straws here???

I think you're overthinking it.

A few years ago I was looking after two children overnight on NYE, and the parents came home very early in the morning on NYD. I was supposed to look after them overnight and first thing, then we'd swap. The mum didn't show her face until about 7pm on NYD because she was so hungover, and she had a 4 month old child! What I'm trying to say is, people go big on NYE, and have hangovers still lingering when they're back to work. As you weren't out with them until the end, you wouldn't have seen what state she got it. I wouldn't worry too much. She may also be very embarrassed.

Oh yes I reckon she's just so hungover she's still recovering

Bit odd that you didn't all spend new year together , id decline the invite next year on that basis

Gin was the dad not around either?

I think it's just your anxiety making you feel like it's a bigger deal than it is. Sounds like she hosted you well but had a more drink fuelled NYE planned than you and didn't plan on doing even more hosting on NY day. I don't think that particularly unusual lots of people sleep in on NYs day and she probably got a few thank you for hosting and just didn't feel like she needed to reply. Personally I would have replied and tried to make an appearance on NY days but not doing so isn't a huge deal.

Could your MIL not come to you, and take the elder one out, or just take over while you catch up on sleep, or help by cooking or cleaning, shopping, etc.?

That's what I did when dd had no. 2 only 15 months after no. 1. We don't live very close so it was just one day a week, and I would stay the night before in order to be there first thing.
GDd was well used to us, since we had already done one day a week after dd went back to work when she was 9 months.

Oops, post d on wrong thread, sorry!

Stealth he surfaced about 3pm, to say he was too hungover, and disappeared off to bed again. I was just trying to make the point that if someone can be too hungover to come down to say hello to their children, it's entirely possible someone could be too hungover to tend to their guests!

I know someone like this, on quite a few ocassions I've texted to thank her for gifts, hospitality etc and in most cases she just doesn't reply. The first couple of times I fretted that I'd caused offence or something - but the invites kept coming, so now I assume it's just her way - a bit annoying but there you go.