Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To request that parents visit without bringing the dog?!

54 replies

IsItWine0ClockSoon · 24/12/2016 07:59

My parents live 3 hours away and have been to visit us twice in the 4 months since we moved. They have a dog which I love but isn't very well trained at all. She will bark, sometimes run off, is quite fluffy and therefore gets filthy, and howls when she's left home alone. We have a brand new house and so I cannot stand her trailing wet, muddy paws in, up onto the sofa etc etc.
Am I being unreasonable to ask them to leave her at home when they come and stay next?

OP posts:

MsGameandWatch · 24/12/2016 08:01

Well it's up to you, but given that they're three hours drive away, it just means they won't be able to visit you really as they can't leave her for that long. Have they got someone they can leave her with?

Sirzy · 24/12/2016 08:02

Yanbu to ask that but at the same time they wouldn't be unreasonable to say they can't visit. Sounds like the dog can't be left at home while they visit so it will obviously make things harder.

Expecting them to clean her before she comes in and clean up any more mess is probably more realistic

Wolfiefan · 24/12/2016 08:03

YANBU to say don't bring the dog.
You must give them notice though. They will need to find a pet sitter or kennels or doggy daycare. They can't just leave the dog all day.

Lilaclily · 24/12/2016 08:03

You'll have to visit them instead sadly

Seryph · 24/12/2016 08:04

Why would the dog be trailing wet muddy paws in the house? In the winter we have a towel at the ready, and a jug of warm water if necessary, and we clean paws at the door.
Can you not insist on pavement walks during a brief visit? That way the dog won't be muddy, or get some of those doggy wetwipes to sort her out with when she gets back from a walk.
Have you tried leaving a radio on in the house or the TV so she has some company when you are out?

If you love the dog surely you are willing to work these things out, otherwise will your parents even be able to come?

reallyreallyreallytired · 24/12/2016 08:04

If it's small can't they bring a crate with them maybe?

Original poster

IsItWine0ClockSoon · 24/12/2016 08:05

They have plenty of friends local to where they live who have offered to have the dog but they feel uncomfortable asking. She is far too humanised to be put into a kennel-they would consider that almost barbaric whereas I think she's a dog, not a child!

OP posts:

Fairylea · 24/12/2016 08:06

As others have said, you can request that they leave the dog but accept they may not visit at all. My mum has 3 dogs and wouldn't leave them for more than 3-4 hours on their own.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 24/12/2016 08:07

Up to you, but I'd be seriously upset if my kids didn't cared more about their house than having me visit (because I wouldn't be able to leave my dog for that long).
Can't you just ask them to bring a towel to wipe the dogs paws off at the door and tell them the dog isn't allowed on the furniture?

coffeetasteslikeshit · 24/12/2016 08:08

Don't know where that 'didn't' came from!

HermioneWoozle · 24/12/2016 08:08

What MsGame said. Could you compromise by leaving her in the kitchen and asking them to wipe her paws/the rest of her before she goes into the rest of the house? They should also give her some exercise when she arrives, to tire her out. I hope they are training her.

AndShesGone · 24/12/2016 08:09

People are really only offering to be polite at this time of year.

I wouldn't leave my dog in a strange house for what, 15 hours? It's an imposition.

Yes, in a kennels planned for IN ADVANCE by leaving her there for a few hours and building up to it. Doggy day care all planned in advance, yes.

But randomly being asked not to bring her to a festive gathering with no time to prepare? Well I just wouldn't do it.

aginghippy · 24/12/2016 08:10

YANBU to ask, but then you have to accept that one or both of them may not come if they can't find someone to look after the dog.

twodarkeyes · 24/12/2016 08:12

I'm in two minds really.

I'm probably being unreasonable but I wouldn't want to go somewhere my dog wasn't welcome.

PossumInAPearTree · 24/12/2016 08:12

Why don't you ask that they don't bring her in a muddy condition? There's no reason for a dog to be muddy unless it goes on a muddy walk that day so if they don't take it on a muddy walk it should be fine. If your garden is muddy it can go out on a lead and be kept away from mud. They should bring an old towel with them.

My mil doesn't let our dog in the house and is two hours away. Which is why we haven't been to see her in over a year.

SoupDragon · 24/12/2016 08:15

She is far too humanised to be put into a kennel-they would consider that almost barbaric whereas I think she's a dog, not a child!

I would consider putting my dog inkennels "barbaric" as hewojld hate it and pine. He goes to a "home from home" host instead.

YANBU and I wouldn't take my dog where he wasn't wanted (he's a hyperactive spaniel) but you do have to accept that this is going to limit visits.

Fairylea · 24/12/2016 08:15

The thing is dog lovers and non doggy people will never see eye to eye. As someone upthread posted they would be upset their kids cared more about their house than having them visit - sounds like something my mum would say. For me I just don't like dogs - they smell and are hairy and messy no matter how clean they are and I absolutely wouldn't want one in my house. It's not a case of not loving my mum or not wanting her to visit...! (Luckily in my situation my mum lives 5 mins away so she doesn't need to leave them too long and I can visit hers easily too).

Original poster

IsItWine0ClockSoon · 24/12/2016 08:18

Thank you all for your thoughts. It would appear that i need to accept their situation with the dog and get some things in place to make sure she is clean and comfortable in my home. It does also make me sound very uptight...I'll just blame the time of year for now!
X x

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 24/12/2016 08:21

I don't think you sound uptight :)

I don't think I'd want my dog in my house if he wasn't my own!

Stilltryingtobeme · 24/12/2016 08:21

I love dogs, I have a dog, my in laws have the only dog I've ever met that I can't stand. Bright, intelligent thing but she's had zero training. She's awful. Jumps everywhere. Knocks over my kids, I'm disabled and she'll jump on me, barks, sometimes urinates..... Needless to say her attendance is heavily discouraged.... Yanbu!

mirokarikovo · 24/12/2016 08:29

Op you say "come and stay" so I'm assuming you mean overnights not just short visits which most previous replies seem to be addressing.

You have no obligation to accept this dog in your house.
Your parents have no obligation to visit.
Assuming that you have reasonably good relationships with them and want to see them, any solution to this needs to respect both those positions.

The easiest one is - they don't visit you, you visit them.

They aren't under any obligation to get their dog used to daycare either. It's not an unreasonable position for them to say that they consider the dog part of the family and where she isn't welcome then they won't feel welcome. That's their choice.

Love51 · 24/12/2016 08:43

This is going to be divided between people like coffee and two who possibly see the dog as 'part if the family' as those of us who don't. And we go loads of places where others in the family aren't welcome. I don't see it as caring more about the house than having someone visit, I see it as them caring more about the dog than visiting me! Luckily everyone in my family, even dog owners, are of the same mind!

Sleeperandthespindle · 24/12/2016 08:43

I love dogs. I have a delightful, beautifully trained, hairy, happy, smelly spaniel. He loves children, cuddles and long walks.

I also love my brother and his children. I wanted them to visit for Christmas (long journey). One DN has multiple allergies, the other two are toddlers. There are now 12 people in the house for four days.

Lovely spaniel has gone to kennels. He will have three long walks with other dogs each day. The kennels is clean, calm, warm. I have no guilt (but I do have a clean house).

It is possible for people who are dog lovers and those who are not to compromise sometimes. Not a solution to this OP (although I'd provide the utility room or garage unless dog very clean), but just to illustrate that dogs don't have to either rule your life or be completely neglected.

Wolfiefan · 24/12/2016 08:46

I don't think you sound uptight at all. I have a dog. I don't expect an invitation for me to include her.
They don't need to use a kennel. There are other options. But it's their dog. They need to make arrangements.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 24/12/2016 09:09

OK, I swear I'm not asking this to be goady, I just genuinely don't understand. How is saying that you don't want a dog in your house because it will get your house dirty, to people who can't visit without bringing the dog, NOT saying that you care more about a clean house than seeing those people?

For what it's worth, I don't take my dogs to my mum's house for this very reason, and it does upset me. But then, my mum and me have a very fragile relationship anyway, whereby I've always felt, from a young age, that the house was more important to my mum than I was. So I may be quite emotionally invested in this thread

Flip

1 2 3