To request that parents visit without bringing the dog?!

[IsItWine0ClockSoon]

My parents live 3 hours away and have been to visit us twice in the 4 months since we moved. They have a dog which I love but isn't very well trained at all. She will bark, sometimes run off, is quite fluffy and therefore gets filthy, and howls when she's left home alone. We have a brand new house and so I cannot stand her trailing wet, muddy paws in, up onto the sofa etc etc.
Am I being unreasonable to ask them to leave her at home when they come and stay next?

Yanbu but you must accept this may stop them visiting and you may need to go to them rather than have them to you

Coffee - because if you visited our house for an hour with one messy untrained dog, our house wouldn't just be a dirty paw print on floor, but likely cost us in repairs and new furniture plus time of having to sort . All our furniture is white, we have sheepskin rugs, delicate items. One dirty dog running in would potentially mean stuff need replacing. This is why as humans here shoes and outdoor coats all come off in the hallway, I don't let humans in with muddy stuff either

Last time we visited in laws with their untrained dog, we stayed 2 hours. In that time the dog chewed one of dhs shoes '£300', chewed a phone charger into pieces '£20', pissed up ds1 coat '£25 dry cleaning', made holes in my tights jumping up, and ran off with ds1 book and covered in in chew marks and dirt from garden and scratched holes in both kids cardigans they were wearing jumping up '£60'. So that's £400+ just to visit them 2hrs and the inconvience of having to replace items and kids upset just because the dog is a menace. Also all our clothes have to washed as soon as home as we all stink of dog and covered in slobber. Kids spend most the time screaming the dog licked or jumped up at them. It's only a small ish dog as well

Someone wanting to come to our house with dog, it doesn't mean we don't want the person visiting, but them bringing dog means it's an unpleasant visit for everyone in the house as no one likes dogs.

The compromise her would be they could bring small dog and leave in a dog cage in hallway. Then we go outside for walks.

OK... let's assume the (my) dogs don't chew and aren't muddy and the house we're visiting (my parent's) isn't white. Then what?

I completely understand that in the situation Art just described it is reasonable to ask them not to bring the dog.

Coffee - at ethey trained to just sleep on a dog bed you brought with you? Or would they still be going up to people, licking, rubbing dog against other people and furniture? Cos even a clean dog rubbing body onto sofa or rug is going to make it stink of dog surely?

I think if people don't like dogs then unfortunately you just can't go there as it's horrid making their own home feel unpleasant. Can you arrive to meet somewhere else on neutral ground like a national trust place?

In all the years I lived in Canada, I don't recall anyone visiting with a dog - even those coming for long stays. I find it utterly bizarre here when people insist their dog comes too: despite being s dog lover.

Yanbu, why is it some dog people expect others to love and accommodate their dog regardless.
Twice I have people assuming that it was ok to bring their dogs when visiting......i have a houseful of cats.
Both expected me to put cats outside. One complained when I said the dog would have to go in the garden and the other complained when one of my cats attacked the dog despite being warned that he will not tolerate dogs so if she brought the dog it was at her own risk.

When I go to visit parents their dog will not leave me alone, jumping up slobbering all over me trying to sit on me, I cannot move without the dog barging me, I go home stinking of dog and covered in hair. One of my coats was ruined due to the bloody dog. My 11 year old dd was knocked right over the back of the sofa the last time she visited......yet I'm told he just wants attention and is being friendly so basically should suck it up. Needless to say I don't visit often or stay too long. He does not under any circumstances come to my house.

I could just imagine people's reactions if I said that I would only visit if I bring my (5)cats, that they would just have to put their dogs outside, complain to them if their dog attcked my cats. Let the cats have the run of their house and leave them to clean up the cat hair and any mess they might leave.
I get a cat sitter if I need to go anywhere, just because I love my cats I don't expect anyone else to love and accommodate them like I do. But plenty of dog owners take the attitude that everyone else "should" put their dog first, some just don't get that not everyone likes dogs or wants a dog in their home.

YANBU at all I don't like dogs in my house either, i feel if people choose to not come to someone's house who is an actual family member because of their dog (who is not a child and can be left or have a neighbour pop in once to let them out for toilet) then it's entirely their loss

FuckIt we have a few 'dog people' family members like this (i.e. Completely unaware of other people's feelings when it comes to their fur babies) and it sends me nuts. SIL has two enormous Collies who slobber and jump and bark in my face, they've bit adults and kids several times before. I'm extremely nervous of dogs (I do tell people this) anyway so the barking in my face always makes me jump. Rather than reprimanding the dogs she actually laughs at me and says I'm "so silly" as he's just being friendly she posted something the other day on FB about dogs saying "it's my [dogs] home, if you don't want hair on you stay of the furniture, my parents like me more than most humans" etc etc and rounded of with "if you don't like this don't come round".

Challenge accepted - we've been invited for New Year's Eve and I think I might just put my (9 month pregnant) feet up at home and shove miniature heroes into my face instead

I have dogs, andcouldnt leave them alone all day. BUT, I have a great deal of respect for other people's homes and would a) wipe paws b) clean up after them c) respect other people's boundaries re cleanliness and furniture. My dog is well trained (and my puppy will be too) so that they are not a liability. So, I am a doggy person, but YANBU in expecting that your home us not trashed by visiting pets ....but your issue is the owners, not the dog ...

There are obviously reasons which I understand about people not wanting dogs to visit their houses, being scared of dogs, the dog is badly behaved, there are resident cats, allergies. All of these I totally get.

The mess thing I get less......I can't imagine that a dog for a day or even overnight will make that much mess. Not if the owners are responsible and bring an old towel to dry paws with and don't allow the dog on the furniture.

My MIL has a cat which is her reason for not wanting our dog and I understand that and I don't moan. But it is the reason we don't visit often. We can't go in the summer and we often can't go in the winter. We are actually going on Boxing Day as the forecast is mild, dog will have to stay in the car. I will obviously pop out frequently. If it had been cold we wouldn't have been able to go.

Possum thing is though if you don't have a dog or pets, even the cleanest dogs do leave a smell especially in the carpets.

I like dogs but I wouldn't dream of hosting someone else's. I find the idea that people come visiting with their pets bizarre. OP just say no. They can't be very bothered about seeing you if they choose not to come just because they can't make separate arrangements for the furbaby.

I would ask that the dog be kept crated - for its own peace and yours. Because any responsible dog owner would have their dog crate-trained.

Yanbu you don't even have to have a reason, if you don't want the dog in your house they don't bring it. Why do some dog owners assume their dog is welcome in others houses?

My parents have a dog and they would never just assume it was welcome in someone else's house, family or not. When they visit us they leave the dog at home or with friends etc. Most people I know do this.

We do have one relative who tries to insist on bringing their dog and is most put out that I say it's not coming in the house.

I actually like dogs and if I wasn't allergic we may have one but I have asthma, eczema and hayfever and allergies and regardless don't want someone's dog in my house with fur, dander,the smell, any slobber etc. Especially at the moment we have crawling baby so I definitely don't want a dog around, you have to watch them constantly especially around children. My older children are all good with dogs, have been taught how to behave around them etc but you can never be too careful with dogs and children.

And is that a bad thing, I think it sets a precedent that they need to ask if the dog is invited,not just assume they can bring it.

Dog things to dog-tool your house:
-babygate to cordon off living room and another for upstairs or just one to keep dog in kitchen whilst drying off
-good dog rug at back door
-spare towel for drying off paws when they come in
-dog rawhide chews to keep them busy
-a cosy bed or memory foam mattress they'll prefer to your sofa

if you can ask your parents to bring this stuff with them but you may have to borrow a babygate if you don't have one

Can't they leave the dog in the car (assuming not a hot day obviously) take it out for a walk and back in the car? I have 2 cats; when we have folk over with dogs either the cats get locked upstairs (I'm afraid I make a of a show about this) or the dogs stay in the car whilst we're in the house and then we all go out and walk it. Overnight obviously would be different.

For some people, dogs are family and if this includes your parents then YABU, sorry.

Toptoe - that's more equipment than I used for a baby! We don't have separate kitchens etc, the living room, kitchen, dining are all just one room. A gate couldn't be put anywhere.

icy weave have done that, and they do keep dog in car but the whole visit was punctuated with passive aggressive trips to car to Christmas k on dog etc. And comments about the poor dog being left in car etc. I did point out if they had left dog in kennels like they do when they go on holiday then they wouldn't be an issue. Along with moaning about how hard it was to find dog friendly hotel.... Well you chose to bring dog even though we don't want it in our house...

And I get that dogs are family to some people, but it's not my family and I don't want it in my house I don't have to allow it in my house.

We do have gates on kitchen as we have crawling baby but I am not gating my house, providing equipment for someone to bring a dog if I allowed a dog that would be responsibility of dog owners if needed but you cannot expect people to accommodate your dog in this way.

I don't think YABU, but I also don't think your parents WBU to not visit under these circumstances. I think if you don't want to have their dog in your house then you don't have to have the dog in your house. But you also have to be ok with the repercussions of that- i.e. they might visit less/you may have to visit them more often.

As they live a 3 hour drive away you can't really expect them to leave the dog alone for the whole day. If you want them to come overnight without the dog, then they would have to either put the dog into kennels or stay with friends. I have a friend I would feel ok asking to have our dogs and also my parents, but would feel it really is a bit of an ask/burden for any length of time. I wouldn't put them into a kennels, having seen how stressed our previous dog was (and it was a very good kennels). Even if your parents did agree to out them into kennels for visits, it may limit visits as the good ones can be expensive. Everything would need more organising/less spontaneity/relying on availability of friends/kennels etc.

Is there no compromise to be had (assuming the dog is reasonably behaved and not destructive or aggressive etc)? For example, agreeing that the dog is dried/towelled/paws washed before coming in to the house, perhaps only being allowed in limited areas of the house and never on furniture?

My in laws bring their dog. We put a gate on the bottom of the stairs and towels by the back door to wipe paws after going outside. They also bring a bed for her to sleep in so she stays in there. Could you ask for things like that to be brought over?