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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas lights and the neighbours

122 replies

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 19:27

I really need some mumsnet perspective here as to whether I ABU.

We have lived in our current house for 3 years this will be our 4th christmas here. Every year we have put outside lights up on our house and decorated our windows so they look nice to the outside.

The first year 5 days after putting our net lights up the next door neighbors brought some fair enough I thought maybe they liked mine and wanted their house to look nice too. Ever since then they have brought exactly the same as what we have and it has started to really annoy me as I like to be different.

Then comes this year they have decorated their house like it is a landing pad for aeroplanes and they have gone totally over the top. I went out the front as they were out there and was having a friendly chat with them and talking about the lights and the lady who lives there said well we decided to do the lights like this because we didn't want to be in your shadow anymore. I don't really know how to take that?

The lights aren't the only thing they copy us with though we brought a new car they brought a new car not the same make but a 4x4 like ours, she has started dressing her dd the same as I dress mine (they go to the same nursery) we redid our front garden they did, we brought the kids some outdoor play equipment they did, we brought a new bbq they did you get the picture they copy is down to a T.

I am actually really angry about it all but my dh says that I should let it go and be flattered they want to be like us so mumsnet jury what do you think AIBU?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

mumonashoestring · 01/12/2016 19:56

You're getting angry about it? But pinkypie's right you could have so much fun with them

Pity their dismal lack of self-worth/confidence and drive them batshit with a tastefully understated display. After al, you'll enjoy yours more because you'll be looking at your lights instead of desperately rushing round trying to make sure you're not being 'out-done' in some way.

SirChenjin · 01/12/2016 19:59

I'm sure it's not war - I made a similar comment to my neighbour about their Christmas lights and it's now a competition to see who has the best lights we win. It's just a bit of fun, and in the grand scheme of things it's not worth falling out over, surely?

RoseGoldHippie · 01/12/2016 20:00

Are you sure this wasn't meant to be a light hearted remark OP? Like saying yours were always better so they wanted to push the boat out?

Maybe she has picked up on the fact you are getting annoyed about her seemingly copying you?

80sMum · 01/12/2016 20:01

YABU. It's not worth bothering about.

Schmoozer · 01/12/2016 20:02

Yawn.....sounds like your nieighbour made a throwaway comment, and it's
Not sounding copy cat to me, just people doing what most of us do, buy run of the mill household items !!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 01/12/2016 20:03

Reminds me of this:

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 20:04

mumonashoestring that's the exact thing I don't understand why they feel the need to do this we get on with them really well and my dd and hers get on really well. She has been round mine for coffee loads of times and he helped my dh when we first moved in. I have never been invited to hers for coffee though and now I'm thinking that maybe she feeldoes 'outdone'.

OP posts:

ptumbi · 01/12/2016 20:06

I'm always a bit about people who decorate their houses with tons of lights - I mean, how much electricity are you using, to give the neighbours a good show?

How much is the bill in january?

Sybys · 01/12/2016 20:08

Buy some really horrible decorations, wait for the neighbours to copy, then return yours and get nice ones.

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 20:09

ptumbi I only have 3 sets of lights that use electricity. I have a few that are solar powered so ours not too much difference. The neighbours though I dread tof think come January.

OP posts:

Bertucci · 01/12/2016 20:10

I loathe excessive Christmas lights on a house.

GreenPetal94 · 01/12/2016 20:11

neighbours can do much worse things than copy you. Just carry on doing whatever you fancy.

mumonashoestring · 01/12/2016 20:11

I suspect she just has crushingly low confidence in her own taste etc, is a bit in awe of yours, and expresses herself poorly. Unfortunate combination.

My parents used to have a neighbour who always looked immaculate (even in casual/gardening clothes), had the most beautifully decorated and accessorised home and just seemed to do everything with a certain amount of flair and grace (unlike those of us who are usually flailing around just about managing to go out in matching shoes ). Thing is, she was absolutely lovely, not at all pretentious and would quite happily sit in a messy kitchen drinking instant coffee out of an old mug with a friend, but that didn't stop people in the village who hardly knew her deciding she was stuck up/a show off etc. because they had a massive chip on their shoulder.

pklme · 01/12/2016 20:12

If one house is smartened up by new owners, the others can look shabby in comparison. If my neighbour did certain things to smarten their home and mine started to look shabby, I would then smarten mine too. If what they did looked good, I might copy it. Not because I want to be the same, but because if I did something different it might look odd.

PlumsGalore · 01/12/2016 20:14

Is your surname Jones?

Beeziekn33ze · 01/12/2016 20:19

Happy Christmas, everyone!

previously1474907171 · 01/12/2016 20:20

Maybe someone has been watching this

mygorgeousmilo · 01/12/2016 20:22

BOUGHT not brought ffs

CruCru · 01/12/2016 20:23

The thing is, not everyone realises just how homogeneous people who live within an area can be. Stuff like cars, children's clothes, garden furniture can be fashion rather than someone deciding to specifically copy you. I'm sure there are six grey / silver VW Golfs on my street (one of which is mine).

MsStricty · 01/12/2016 20:25

How wonderful that you inspired your neighbour, OP - I'd take it as a compliment and enjoy what you've both done with your houses.

emmcan · 01/12/2016 20:29

The answer? A 20 foot high burning cross, right on your front lawn. If she follows you on that, you have a new soul-mate. If not, she is forever in your charred, smouldering shadow. Win/win.

LivingInMidnight · 01/12/2016 20:29

How do you know they didn't have lights up every year before you moved in? I always have lights but buy new ones fairly often because old sets break.

Emmageddon · 01/12/2016 20:32

previously1474907171

That's exactly what I was thinking of, the fierce competition between two neighbours ( Robson Green and Mark Benton) about their Christmas light displays. It was funny as a a one-off comedy drama on the TV, a bit silly in real life.

MsJamieFraser · 01/12/2016 20:36

I just dont get this, why do you care that your neighbour copies you, why do you care her lights are bigger than yours this year, even if she feels you've been out doing her.

Concentrate on you and your family, the are the only things that matter, I dont care what the jones do, I do care that my family is happy. Far more important things to worry about than this nonsense.

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 20:37

livinginmidnight I know because our first Christmas she told me that she doesnt do them because she doesn't like outside lights and other neighbours have also commented on her buying lights ever since we moved in.

OP posts:

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