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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas lights and the neighbours

122 replies

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 19:27

I really need some mumsnet perspective here as to whether I ABU.

We have lived in our current house for 3 years this will be our 4th christmas here. Every year we have put outside lights up on our house and decorated our windows so they look nice to the outside.

The first year 5 days after putting our net lights up the next door neighbors brought some fair enough I thought maybe they liked mine and wanted their house to look nice too. Ever since then they have brought exactly the same as what we have and it has started to really annoy me as I like to be different.

Then comes this year they have decorated their house like it is a landing pad for aeroplanes and they have gone totally over the top. I went out the front as they were out there and was having a friendly chat with them and talking about the lights and the lady who lives there said well we decided to do the lights like this because we didn't want to be in your shadow anymore. I don't really know how to take that?

The lights aren't the only thing they copy us with though we brought a new car they brought a new car not the same make but a 4x4 like ours, she has started dressing her dd the same as I dress mine (they go to the same nursery) we redid our front garden they did, we brought the kids some outdoor play equipment they did, we brought a new bbq they did you get the picture they copy is down to a T.

I am actually really angry about it all but my dh says that I should let it go and be flattered they want to be like us so mumsnet jury what do you think AIBU?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Wookiecookies · 01/12/2016 21:21

Pretty sure I have seen the Danny Devito version of this aibu.

Great film!

Wookiecookies · 01/12/2016 21:22

...

MiladyThesaurus · 01/12/2016 21:25

That's the film I posted the trailer of Wookie.

The OP seems to think he Christmas lights are more tasteful than danny's though.

DesolateWaist · 01/12/2016 21:25

Can you borrow something random then when they buy the same just make some excuses and see what they do?

ViewBasket · 01/12/2016 21:25

The "in your shadow" comment would annoy me. It sounds as if she's oddly competitive and felt she was out-done every time you bought something new. Classic "keeping up with the Joneses" and I'd find it weird too.

I would laugh and say "I didn't think it was a competition, that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?"

Or tell her you're going to hire some floodlights from the local football club and install them on your roof next weekend, decorate your car with a string of carrots and red noses around the top, and make fake snow fall outside the front door every time someone rings the doorbell... then sit back and see what she does next

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 21:26

I certainly won't be trying to outdo them by covering my house in excessive lights that I don't even like. I wouldn't want them to be any more in my shadow.

OP posts:

MiladyThesaurus · 01/12/2016 21:28

TBH, if you cover your house in 25,000 lights (in national lampoon style) there probably won't be any shadows for miles around as your house will be blazing like the sun.

ItsALLAboutMeMeMeME · 01/12/2016 21:28

pklme "if one house is smartened up by new owners, the others can look shabby in comparison. If my neighbour did certain things to smarten their home and mine started to look shabby, I would then smarten mine too. If what they did looked good, I might copy it. Not because I want to be the same, but because if I did something different it might look odd"

My thinking too. We moved into our house earlier this year, it was a bank-owned foreclosure and had been empty a while but the bank, in an effort to shift it, had had the outside painted, new windows put in, new roof so it did kind of make the other 3 houses in the culdesac look a bit shabby. Our neighbors opposite told us straight out when we moved in that they were planning to get their windows upgraded and have their outside painted in a similar shade to ours because ours looked so nice. Oh and the Japanese maple in their yard she said she had 'copied' because she really loved the gorgeous one in ours and thought she'd better not steal the one that's now ours as she'd been tempted to while the place was empty. I, in turn, told them I was planning on putting in a similar garden feature to one they have and I did. Each of our dhs owns a charcoal pick up truck, different makes; we each also own a white suv with black trim, again different makes, she really loves the black wheel rims on mine and wants to replace the factory aluminium ones on hers with black ones. They have a gas bbq on their front patio and we have a charcoal one on our back patio. I could go on but NONE of us cares. Their lights are already up. We're not putting outside lights up this year, we got rid of a lot of stuff when we relocated and had other things we needed to replace before deccies but next Christmas we will and again, NO ONE will care if they're similar or completely OTT Vegas style.

ViewBasket · 01/12/2016 21:29

I don't know if that was to me OP? I wasn't suggesting you actually do those things, just see if she copies the "idea" and does them herself...

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 21:33

viewbasket no not to you we must have x posted. Although I actually rather like your suggestion [grin?

OP posts:

PunkrockerGirl · 01/12/2016 21:34

I get that, op.
But my db died (young) at Christmas last year. So you'll forgive me if I'm failing to see why you'd get worked up about something as trivial as this

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 21:44

Punkrockergirl I thought that maybe it wouldn't have been long ago that it happened. I remember for a long time thinking that the whole world was against me and anything would send me over the edge. It's only recently that I have actually come to terms with my ddad's death and that was with the help of a wonderful counsellor and my ddad passed away 5 years ago he was young aswell only 48.

OP posts:

Luggage16 · 01/12/2016 21:51

If your kids are both in nursery is it not simply they hit the same stages at the same time so you both got garden toys in the summer and both change their wardrobe as the weather changed etc? tbh you sound a bit paranoid about things that everyone does (I don't know anyone with a pre-schooler, a garden and no garden toys for example!)

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 01/12/2016 21:53

In the great scheme of things it's not a big deal, and if you don't have actively malicious neighbours then you can count yourself lucky. BUT people copying you is annoying! And this is not in the great scheme of things - it's neighbours. Trivial stuff gets under your skin.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to find it annoying, but there's nothing much you can do. In the interests of harmonious relationships can you find a funny side to it and let it go? Perhaps you could find a song along those lines and sing it to yourself through gritted teeth. But I'm not sure there is one.

MyWineTime · 01/12/2016 21:54

Do you genuinely believe that they bought a 4x4 just to copy you?
And a BBQ and play equipment just to copy you?
You have a child the same age - could they not have just decided to have bought similar things?
Even if they did copy you (which I don't believe) why do you even care?
Life is far too short to get stressed about things like this.

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 21:58

luggage16 they have anot her daughter 2 yearse older aswell. I thought that to start with but they would buy exactly what we had about a week after we would. And I don't mean we brought a swing set and they also brought a swing set they asked us what brand it was and then went out and got the exact same one. We then brought a wooden playhouse and she stated that she didn't like wooden playhouses as you have to keep painting them but then brought a wooden one. Clothes yes we have been changing the wardrobe due to season butility she buys her dd the same clothes like the exact same dress and has started doing her dds hair the same as mine. I wouldn't mind similarities as there is only so much stuff in the world but why exactly the same thing?

OP posts:

TeenageCentaurMortificado · 01/12/2016 21:59

Do this

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 01/12/2016 22:01

It is unmannerly to be haranguing someone for confusing brought with bought. I wouldn't say this had I not had wine - I would just think it and move on. Wine AND the internet - would anyone like to join in a 'who has the most disinhibiting factors on this thread' competition?

PunkrockerGirl · 01/12/2016 22:23

Blimey op, could you be any more patronising? Yes, db died approx a year ago. Df died a few years before that as did dm (both similar ages to your df which hopefully gives you an idea of db's age) all 3 of them from cancer.
The lights don't fucking matter, unless you choose to make it an issue. Personally I couldn't be arsed, life's too short and all that ..

AwaywiththePixies27 · 01/12/2016 22:24

I'd swap you my neighbours for your copycat ones OP. If it's not the selfish twat one waking BOTH my children up at 3am with his overnight partying it's the grumpy bellend sod being abusive to emergency paramedics for parking outside his house at 5am.

One summer with this shower lot would have you wanting copycat neighbour back within a week.

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 22:24

TeenageCentaurMortificado amazing I hadn't actually thought of something like that.

OP posts:

AwaywiththePixies27 · 01/12/2016 22:25

PunkRockerGirl

Original poster

rhuhbarb4 · 01/12/2016 22:26

punkrockergirl apologies I did not mean to be patronising in any way. Please don't think that I was maybe best just left alone.

OP posts:

AwaywiththePixies27 · 01/12/2016 22:27

Do this one OP

DragonMamma · 01/12/2016 22:27

It's BOUGHT, NOT BROUGHT

BOUGHT
BOUGHT
BOUGHT
BOUGHT

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