To make DD cut her hair

[foamybananasweets]

DD is 10yo and has hair almost to her bum. She loves having long hair. She also loves swimming and trains with a squad 4x a week.

2 of those sessions are on week days and she gets out of the pool at 9pm. If she doesn't wash her hair it gets really horrible due to talc in hat and chlorine from water. She takes an age to wash her hair (there really is tonnes of it as its thick) and with drying it something like dry (not totally dry) she is rarely in bed before 10pm. And this is me doing everything I can to rush her... This is too late for her, and she is foul to be around, especially in the mornings as she is tired.

AIBU to say it's swimming or the long hair?

Could she wash it first thing in the morning? It could start drying naturally during breakfast.

I think yabu, will be really disappointing if you push her to give up a sporting activity if she wants to keep her hair long.

Can you not tie it up wet for sleeping, will give her nice waves. Isn't not sleeping with wet hair an old wives tale?

I have very long hair and am v v busy, I've found that washing it then towel drying takes a lot of the moisture out then I put it up in a bun and in the morning quicklybdry it and it doesn't take too long, mines also thick

She would still be washing her hair even if it was shorter, so you might cut the time, but not much, say 15 mins or so ?, i would not cut her hair for this amount of time tbh,. I would also not stop her swimming if she enjoys it and is dedicated enough to train 4 times a week, so the only solution is dont use so much talc i her cap, and just put her hair up/in plats for school the next day.

Does she wet her hair before she puts it in a swimming cap? Apparently this protects the hair (I'm not sure how much) from the chlorine and has the added benefit of not needing to put talc in the cap. I have long, very thick hair and swim a lot and it's in really good condition - I often wonder if this is why it isn't affected by chlorine.

I also go to bed with it largely wet it certainly doesn't cause me any harm.

Plait it wet for bed to cut out the drying time. And make a deal where she has to hit a (reasonable) time limit with the washing or else cut it if you need to chivvy her along.

PS Puffedsleevedress I was a three-times-a-week swimmer and my hair has always been good condition but I never wet it first. I think it's just luck! Also I always thought the talc-on-cap was to preserve the cap, rather than protect your hair.

I think bum long hair looks quite young. A lot of my daughters friends started having hair trimmed to at least bra strap length. Subtly point out slightly older girls with great hair. My DD had hers cut to shoulder length when she was 12, I took her to my quite posh hairdresser and she loved it. She also swims a lot and goes to bed with wet hair all the time! No need for ultimatums hopefully.

YABU but I do completely understand it is a pain. My daughter is just 6 but the height of an average 9yr old and her hair is to the back of her knees and seriously thick, honestly she gets called rapunzel by strangers. But it would break her heart to have it cut (she loves the attention). It's a nightmare to brush/wash/condition. The school have said it needs to be in two plaits for school so she doesn't get headlice. We used a microfibre head wrap after swimming/bath and it really does make all the difference.

Is it layered? Mine is long and super thick too, so layering massively reduces the washing and drying time without losing the length.

Why are you using talc in a swim hat?? My DD is a swimmer and has never used talc in a swim hat. If you're using either one from her club (I assume she's a club swimmer from what you've said) or a speedo/arena one you shouldn't need talc.

I agree chlorine hair is grim though so you have my sympathy! My dd's hair is not as long yours but she'll often go to bed with it plaited and not quite dry. She likes the crinkly style in the morning.

I would get her to wash it in the mornings as then it can dry naturally.

YABU to make her have her hair cut short. I'd stop putting talc in her hat, if it's a decent cap and her hair is tied up you don't need it. I do sympathise though. My 8 year old DD is a swimmer and I was thrilled when she decided to go from long hair to a pixie cut!

Personally, I yanbu. If she can't look after it and function properly the next day it has to go.

Gashley
I always thought the talc was to help you get the cap on your head. When I was a child I was convinced my head was oversized as I could never get the stupid thing on my head. My teacher used to stand there outing more and more talc in and by the end of the session my I looked like I had dunked my head in a bucket of wallpaper paste!
Do you use special conditioner or just normal stuff?

I have long thick hair.

I recently bought a super absorbent turban towel.

It's a godsend. Put my hair in it after getting out of the shower and by the time I've brushed my teeth, done my bedtime face cleaning etc my hair is about 60% dry.

It used to take me 15mims plus to dry my hair, but this towel combined with a powerful hairdryer had got it down to sub 5 mins (admittedly not perfectly styled, I need about 8 mins for that) for when I'm in a hurry.

Might be worth a shot?

snow sorry missed your post for some reason but as per mine I agree those turbans are great.

Already have a microfibre turban and already plait it fairly wet (just run the hair drier over it for a minute to drive off enough water so that it's not wet the next morning.) She won't wash her hair in the mornings, and kicks off if I don't put talc in her hat. I do feel unreasonable for getting to the point of issuing an ultimatum but honestly it is making us all unhappy

DD has complexed disabilities and swimming is the only form of exercise she is any good at (and she loves it) so I would hate for her to stop. But the constant tantrums in the mornings and rudeness in the evenings is really wearing me down. DH really wants to force her to cut her hair but it feels unreasonable to me, and clearly to most of you lot too.

Can you deal with this from the other angle then: no more talcum and work on showering in the morning? She's clearly exhausted from what you've said, so can you manage her expectations by offsetting the time with something else?

Sorry missed some questions, no hair isn't layered. I think that would make it hard to plait tho. She insists that she has to have it in a plait! She is very rigid about things as she has massive sensory issues.

Sorry feel like I'm drip feeding

No you cannot force a child to have their hair cut. No hairdresser would do it esp if child refusing/crying.

Let her cut it in her own time. Encourage the swimming as much as you can.

Layering and plaiting should still be possible, but you may want to speak to a hairdresser as my plaiting abilities are abysmal.

What does your daughter feel about shorter hair cuts? Are there any family members, celebs, Olympians, Paralympians etc she admires or follows? Ideally ones with hair cuts that would be more suitable? :-)

It's worth a try. Next week we will try wetting hair instead of using talc. Not sure I could get her to shower in the morning though. She is like a zombie (and I'm not at my best in the mornings either)