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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what 'partner' means to you? (Light hearted)

59 replies

RoseGoldHippie · 22/11/2016 17:55

So I'm not going to drag on but I was speaking with a shop assistant today whilst buying some pertrol and she commented on all the gossip mags I was buying. I said "oh yeah my partner is in a job interview so I have to entertain myself for the next hour or so" once I'd finished paying she said "good luck tonyiur girlfriend! I hope she gets it!"

Now my DP is most definitely not a woman, I'm not offended I just suddenly realised I may be telling loads of random people I'm a lesbian as I always say Partner (hate boyfriend, sounds like we're at school!)

Does partner to you mean same sex?

OP posts:

SVJAA · 22/11/2016 17:58

No, I have a DP and he's a he. I guess it's just generic, it doesn't imply either gender to me but it might to the older generation. I'm in my 30s so far too old (IMO) to have a boyfriend, especially as he's the father of my kids and we've been together forever.

laurzj82 · 22/11/2016 17:59

Oh I say partner or other half too! Never thought about that. Same as you I don't care either way so they can take from it what they want. Hate boyfriend also.

QuitMoaning · 22/11/2016 18:00

I am in a long term relationship but struggle to know what to call him. I think partner either means same sex or business relationship.

Other half means I need him to complete me (two halves make a whole).

He refers to me as the missus (which I don't mind) but I don't like the equivalent male one (hubby). I tend to use other half if pushed as don't have anything and as we are in our mid forties, boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't cut it for me.

halfdoneharris · 22/11/2016 18:01

Yes, if you told me partner I would assume you were a same sex couple, but I'd probably be discrete and use partner in a generic way rather than he or she - so I would say 'I hope your partner gets the job' if I were the cashier.

Original poster

RoseGoldHippie · 22/11/2016 18:05

Yeah I'm not bothered I'm just curious - it's hard for a woman I think! Hubby is awful! But yet again I don't mind the missus! I'm might just start calling him his name haha!

OP posts:

Autumnsweater · 22/11/2016 18:06

I would assume long term partner of either sex. Boyfriend implies a newer relationship/someone you don't live with to me.

MabelTheCow · 22/11/2016 18:12

I use partner or OH too. Don't think it means anything but bf doesn't sound like a serious life partner to me.

I have the title of SWiMBO apparently (She Who Must Be Obeyed) I love it even if it is jokey and light hearted

NameChange30 · 22/11/2016 18:13

I think "partner" means person (of either sex) that you're in a long-term relationship with and live with. I wouldn't assume it meant same sex partner. There are so many unmarried straight couples and I think "partner" has become a standard word to describe them.

I do think it's weird when some people use "partner" to refer to someone they don't live with and have only been dating for a short time. But I realise there aren't many options if you don't like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend".

For a professional relationship I would definitely say "business partner" and not just "partner".

I wonder if it's a generational thing?

ButtMuncher · 22/11/2016 18:17

I call DP my partner. Boyfriend doesn't sound right as we've been together a while and have children together. I could call him my fiancé but I find that a bit gagging so just stick with partner, or his name.

YelloDraw · 22/11/2016 18:27

It used to indicate more lesbian I think.

But people who have been together a long time nad live together, well it is a bit silly saying boyfriend I think.

Original poster

RoseGoldHippie · 22/11/2016 18:31

Another yeah that's how I see it too! Me and DP have been togethet for 5 years and own a house together! I really wouldn't call him boyfriend! (Now if only I could nail that ring down, all would be sorted hehehe)

Mabel omg I love that! Hahaha

OP posts:

dimots · 22/11/2016 18:36

Once you've had children I think you can legitimately use 'the old man' to describe a male partner. Until then 'my fella' will do.

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel · 22/11/2016 18:38

More to the point, what does 'lighthearted' mean to you and how do you justify your use of it in your thread?

Original poster

RoseGoldHippie · 22/11/2016 18:45

JeNeSuis well to me it just means I'm not trying to cause any offence - if I'm wrong I'm wrong and apologise! I just thought it was quite a lighthearted subject.

OP posts:

Softkitty2 · 22/11/2016 18:46

I think people say 'partner' when discussing significant others with people they are not familiar with.. It is to be unassuming that men are with women and women are with men.

attheendoftheday · 22/11/2016 18:57

I use partner and people often think I'm in a same sex relationship too.

But there doesn't seem to be a better word!

StrongerThanIThought76 · 22/11/2016 18:58

I call my gentleman friend partner. We've been together 7 years - but we live separately for myriad reasons. People get shirty about that but he's 42 not 16, I couldn't call him boyfriend with a serious face!

SheldonCRules · 22/11/2016 19:20

Same sex or business partner. If not married I'd use boyfriend/girlfriend.

honeylulu · 22/11/2016 19:21

I sometimes call my husband my partner because we have different surnames and is a quick way of circumventing the issue of explaining I am not Mrs Hisname or correcting them if they call me that. I don't think of it as a same sex thing at all!

Farfromtheusual · 22/11/2016 21:11

I say partner but I can't think at which point I started. Been together 7 years, have a house and a baby together. I don't think boyfriend really does our relationship any justice iyswim.

TheWayYouLookTonight · 22/11/2016 21:18

I love when I talk about 'my partner' to people I don't know well, you can see them mentally trying to decide if it's a female partner but obviously not wanting to ask, it's so delightfully awkward

Most of the time I do tend to call him my other half though. To me that doesn't mean that I need him to make me whole, it means we are 50:50 in terms of what we put in to the relationship.

GreenTureen · 22/11/2016 21:19

I used to hate having to refer to Dh before we were married. 'Boyfriend' made me feel like I was 12 or like we were a new couple (and seemed really wrong when i'd say it with two small children in tow). 'Fiance' I think sounds pretentious. 'Partner' definitely made me feel like a lesbian. I used to go with 'other half' most of the time and I think he went with 'the missus'.

I breathed a sigh of relief when we got married, there are no connotations with 'my husband', it's a lot easier!

ToucheEclair · 22/11/2016 21:33

I'm in my mid 20's and have always referred to my other half as partner (not married) we are now engaged however boyfriend sounds so trivial IMO

EmmaWoodlouse · 22/11/2016 22:07

I'd say partner if I was living with someone but not married, and boyfriend/girlfriend (even if we were 80) if we were not living together.

If anything, I'd assume someone's "partner" was opposite sex unless told otherwise, but only because there are more straight people, not because the word itself particularly suggests one way or the other.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/11/2016 22:12

To my mind, the ubiquity of 'partner' represents the triumph of godless liberalism over the sanctity of marriage and family and the rise of the blended family.

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