To ask what 'partner' means to you? (Light hearted)

[RoseGoldHippie]

So I'm not going to drag on but I was speaking with a shop assistant today whilst buying some pertrol and she commented on all the gossip mags I was buying. I said "oh yeah my partner is in a job interview so I have to entertain myself for the next hour or so" once I'd finished paying she said "good luck tonyiur girlfriend! I hope she gets it!"

Now my DP is most definitely not a woman, I'm not offended I just suddenly realised I may be telling loads of random people I'm a lesbian as I always say Partner (hate boyfriend, sounds like we're at school!)

Does partner to you mean same sex?

[YvaineStormhold]

I say 'partner' but always feel a bit of a tit.

I can't say 'boyfriend' because he's 58.

'Other half' pops out sometimes, which also sounds daft.

I secretly like hearing him calling me his girlfriend though. It makes me feel young I'm not, I'm forty two

[Sohardtochooseausername]

I call my OH my partner. I have short hair, like flat shoes, wear jeans a lot and I think people make massive assumptions about my sexuality. I think it's funny when people assume I am a lesbian, and I don't correct them. I like exposing their prejudices and seeing their faces when they finally do meet him. Maybe that is a bit naughty of me?

[raisedbyguineapigs]

anotheremma

[NameChange30]

passing Well if he hates "boyfriend" so much, perhaps he could apply for a promotion to "husband"?!

[passingthrough1]

It's my boyfriend / partner that doesn't like me using the work boyfriend ... if I do he says that we live together, have a child and a mortgage together so he's not my "boyfriend".

[NoSunNoMoon]

Partner means someone you share a business with. I can't get used to it being used any other way. I try but that's always my first assumption.

[raisedbyguineapigs]

I would think partner was 'living with partner' as they say on the forms, for either sex. Boyfriend is for younger couples, I would have thought. If someone talked about their 'partner'to me though, I would use 'partner' back if I was wishing them luck. Bit presumptive to assume they are gay if you don't know them!

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

I dance so have another layer of confusion in there - you might have a partner and a girl/boyfriend or a partner and a husband/wife or a partner and a partner. And they could be the same person, or two different people

In general I don't know with partner - could be either. If somebody talks about their "partner, Alex" I get really nervous that I'm going to mess up a pronoun somewhere...

[muddyboots]

I don't live with my boyfriend of 2 years so I refer to him as my boyfriend or sometimes as 'boyfriend-features' to people who know me. He is 50 and definitely not a boy so it does sound strange.

He always introduces me as his 'partner' which I don't mind, but I think it indicates someone you live with (male or female) as if you were married.

[NameChange30]

onemore
"I suppose I should say 'my wife' really to avoid awkwardness but i once did that and the person I was talking to looked completely confused and tried correcting me by saying 'you mean your husband'."

What an idiot! I hope you replied: "No, I mean my wife." And added "she was definitely a woman last time I checked"

If anyone is awkward or confused, it's their problem not yours.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I think 'partner' can imply same-sex. I remember referring to my ex-husband, before we were married, as my 'partner', with a sort of vague sense that it was nice to even that out a bit. And I guess MN influences you too.

I think it applies more to men than women, though. I am amused to notice that everyone is currently assuming a new colleague of ours, who refers to his 'partner', is gay. I know his partner is a 'she' but I think he quite enjoys wrong-footing people as he's not corrected anyone yet.

[heron98]

I write DP on here but would never say "partner" in real life - I always just call him my boyfriend, although we have been together 6 years and own a house together. Partner sounds a bit formal.

[TheNaze73]

Partner makes me think same sex.

At the end of the day, I think most terms used for this are a bit wank. Partner, fiancé & in particular "other half" which to me implies you are not an individual are all hideous.

I think BF/GF seem the most unpretentious as any earlier posted said until you're married and then husband/wife once you are. I wouldn't think anyone was more committed if they said partner than if they said boyfriend

[JadziaSnax]

Long term relationship, either same or opposite sex. I usually describe DH as my partner even though we're married. I'm more comfortable with partner than husband.

[Marmalade85]

About 10 years ago I was cold calling and a man referred to their OH as Partner so I referred to the partner as a he and he corrected me that he was not gay. I thought it was for gay relationships also.

[Cantgetmyoldnameback]

Quitmoaning

Couldn't agree more. Was one of the reasons we recently got married after 12 years together! So much easier now!

[brasty]

Partner was first used as a term by same sex couples, long before it was legal to get married. It meant we are living together as if we are married, and was used this way in the 80s and 90s. But it has since spread to opposite sex couples, and so I think few would assume that partner means same sex.

[user1471545174]

I just say husband now, it seems to be easier for tiny minds to grasp. I said partner for years but think connotation is now same-sex partner so it's just easier to fake an unwanted wedding.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

This thread is interesting for me as I'm a female married to a woman and don't say 'my wife' I say 'my partner' but in my experience when I refer to her as my partner people usually assume it's a man. I suppose I should say 'my wife' really to avoid awkwardness but i once did that and the person I was talking to looked completely confused and tried correcting me by saying 'you mean your husband'. All so confusing.

[OldRosesDoomed]

Partner = unmarried to me. Never thought of it as a gay/lesbian term at all. I do remember a frosty conversation with a midwife 20+ years ago. She asked me what my partner's job was and I said I didn't have a partner. She started wittering on about support and I said my husband was a great support. Got quite clipped that conversation.

[Greengoddess12]

Lover?

[80schild]

My old man - he is much older than me. Otherwise I'm not sure.

[PenguinsandPebbles]

What's wrong with boyfriend?
I think parter sounds pretentious.

Depends on the person I suppose but for me, I'm nearly 40, have two "step" (trying to adopt) children, pets, trying for a baby and are planning on getting married at some point so to me we are more than boyfriend/girlfriend we are partners in life and crime boyfriend doesn't cover all of the above to me or show our full commitment.

Fiancé sounds pretentious to me and doesn't cover for me what we are to each other.

Different folks I suppose

[RoseGoldHippie]

Ah I'm so glad I'm not alone in calling him Partner! But I also like some of the other suggestions on the thread and LOL to people saying dear partner in RL! Sounds exactly like something I would do 😝

Thank you for all the responses!