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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious over mil giving ds so many sweets

101 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 20:59

I've asked her and asked her not to but she just doesn't give a fuck. Apparently it's because she 'hardly ever sees him.' She sees him twice a week! He's at school so often does she bloody expect to see him?!

He's 7. When mil comes here in the week it's ok but dh takes him every Sunday afternoon without me. And apparently lets her do what she wants. So typically ds has a large ice cream, two packets of sweets, cake, coke and biscuits. I mean wrf? I've just told dh he can't go again unless she's going to be more sensible. I don't mind ds having a treat but one of those things is plenty. I know why she does it. It's because she knows I'd never let him have all that and she thinks it makes him like her.
I'm so annoyed. He's come home again bouncing off the walls. I know I'm not being unreasonable I'm just so cross about it. And with dh. Why give him all that sugar?
I'm type 1 diabetic and although obviously sugar doesn't cause type 1 if he were (god forbid) to become diabetic he'd have to cut all that out so I'd rather he wasn't used to having it and it's just so bad for him anyway.

OP posts:
microsnake · 20/11/2016 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 20/11/2016 21:01

You have a DH problem. He needs to stand up to his mother and reign in the excess sweets..Does he even try to?

Fairylea · 20/11/2016 21:02

So once a week on a Sunday this happens? It wouldn't worry me at all to be honest. I'd just be happy ds was happy and enjoying time with his grandparent and I was getting some time off...

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2016 21:02

That is excessive and I'd be pissed off too.

That's alot of food in a short space of time when presumably he's had lunch vefore he's gone and is back for tea?

Why does she have to shove food sown his throat. Surely watching a film or doing a puzzle with him is healthier and equally a guide way to spend time with him..

SpeckledyBanana · 20/11/2016 21:03

That's quite a lot for one afternoon.

My MIL likes to stuff the DC with sweets, as does DSis. We get round it by not really having sweets at any other time.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 21:03

It's too much even once a week. All in one go. Ice cream, two bags of sweets, coke, cake, biscuits. All in a few hours? Too much. Yes in the week he has the odd sweet thing - a small cake or biscuit in his lunchbox most days, but I just think it's too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 21:05

I am surprised people think it's ok. It makes his behaviour frankly insane as well. I just can't understand why she thinks it's doing him any favours having all of that.

OP posts:
microsnake · 20/11/2016 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 21:06

No I think dh lets her do what she likes (used to call herself mummy but that's another issue) Hmm

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2016 21:06

I think if he had a drink and a slice of cake or some ice cream after dinner it would be OK.

But that's several days worth of sugar/crap in one afternoon. I agree with you it's too much

Magicpaintbrush · 20/11/2016 21:06

YANBU - that is a stupid amount of sugar. I would also be really pissed off if somebody else gave my child that much sugar in one afternoon, it's not necessary. Treats are lovely but the amount you described is excessive, and not good for his health or his teeth. If you've specifically asked her not to do this and she is over-ruling you and ignoring your wishes then that is really unacceptable - and why is your DH just sitting back and letting her????

Artandco · 20/11/2016 21:08

That is ridiculous. But I have a 6 year old, he would know one thing only. So if he already eaten an ice cream, he would turn down cakes and sweets as he had already eaten similar. At 7 years they should be able to do the Same

ConvincingLiar · 20/11/2016 21:08

Way too much sugar for a weekly treat. You have a husband problem.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 21:09

Because unfortunately dh indulges his mother and it's just easier for him to let her get on with it. I actually strongly suspect he watches tv / goes to sleep on the sofa and mil just does as she likes.

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 20/11/2016 21:09

Just tell her to stop it and unless she does, your dd will no longer visit on a Sunday unless you are available to oversee the crap she is being fed.

SaucyJack · 20/11/2016 21:14

That's not a treat- that's an endurance challenge. It won't be pleasant for him by the end of it.

Can you train him to puke on the carpet?

GrabbyGrabby · 20/11/2016 21:15

That's way too much and your MIL is crazy to give it to him and your DH is idiotic to allow it.

However, your DS is old enough to know that it's too much and to refuse it. Tell him that it's lovely that his granny wants to treat him but that he needs to chose which treat he would enjoy most and to politely decline the rest.

MrsMook · 20/11/2016 21:15

YANBU. It's setting him up with an unrealistic expectation about what a sensible treat is.

(I'd have a thumping headache 30 minutes after that lot!)

You need to get DH onside to resolve her boundary issues.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 20/11/2016 21:17

Im shocked that anyone thinks this is okay. I've roughly googled so they are not accurate but -
5 cubes in an ice cream
6 cubes in a coke
5-8 cubes in a packet of sweets X2
1 cube in a biscuit x2
5 cubes in cake

So 30+ cubes of sugar so at least 5 times what he should be having.
The NHS guidelines say no more than 6 a day for a 7 year old, not to mention all the other additives etc. I'd be beyond furious.

MagicMarkers · 20/11/2016 21:28

I would be annoyed and I would tell her clearly to stop giving him so much and specify what she can give him. Could you go on the Sunday visits? She obviously can't be trusted.

SilentBiscuits · 20/11/2016 21:32

Do the people who think this is okay feed their kids this much sugar in one go?!

I'd also be annoyed, OP.

Sandsnake · 20/11/2016 21:32

YANBU. Not only is it a ridiculous amount of sweet stuff in one session it also has the potential to set your DS up with an association of love / good times with an excess of unhealthy food. Also sounds like a probable control issue, with your MIL deliberately undermining you. Echoing others who say that you really need your DH to deal with this, although it sounds like he's reluctant to. So I'd say you need to work with your DS to understand why this amount of sugar isn't good for him. Failing that (he is only seven after all) then you need to go over one Sunday have a serious talk with your MIL about it.

AddToBasket · 20/11/2016 21:35

Far too much, but the problem is your husband.

1happyhippie · 20/11/2016 21:35

I think that is too much. I wouldn't be happy either.
Can you go along to the visit with them? That way you can say when you think it's enough.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 20/11/2016 21:37

I don't really want to get drawn into going every week but also if it's me saying no then I look like the bad guy...which is what mil wants IMO. Because on odd the occasion I have been and I've said no mil has been all 'no ds mummy says you can't have that. I'd let you have it but mummy says you can't.'

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