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Original poster

To put a new PE kit in Ds stocking

40 replies

ReallyTired · 15/11/2016 02:12

Ds is 14 years old and has lost his PE kit yet again. He just doesn't care. Aibu to get santa to bring him new trainers, PE kit and a bag and a potato. The PE kit is in excess of £100 when you include the cost of a new bag and school uniform and trainers. everything is logoed

He wants a new mobile phone and tablet, but I can't see how we can afford it when we have to replace his entire PE kit. A big problem would be what he wears for the next month. I am proposing to send him in with a plain white shirt and Tesco shorts. I know he will be punished and frankly I don't care.

OP posts:
SporkLife · 15/11/2016 02:15

Send him in the Tesco gear, if he gets punished he can explain he lost and face the consequences hopefully that would get through to him! Does he get any pocket money?

MissVictoria · 15/11/2016 02:18

Sounds like a good way to teach him responsibility to not get tablet, phone etc, but nothing apart from the PE kit would be a teeny bit harsh.
Does he have any kind of part time job he could part pay you, or pocket money you could reduce, so he's paying you back for the new PE kit? If he needs new trainers, buy him cheap/er branded ones than the big names, he'll be embarrassed but if he keeps losing them and doesn't give a crap then simply tell him you cannot afford to keep replacing named brands and he needs to take responsibility for caring for his possessions if he wants nice things.
Maybe he'll be spurred on to try to "find" his missing stuff, and you should write his name in his new kit like he was a small child at primary school.

OlennasWimple · 15/11/2016 02:19

Good idea! Tempted to do this for DS's jumpers - he seems to leave these scattered far and wide....

Topseyt · 15/11/2016 02:20

Sounds like a plan to me. I would be tempted to do similar.

He needs to start taking some responsibility and realising that money doesn't grow on trees.

Original poster
ReallyTired · 15/11/2016 02:28

Ds had his birthday in New Year's Eve. He will get other presents under the tree for Christmas. I was thinking of getting him a phone, but not a tablet. Maybe a kindle fire rather than the expensive tablet he wants.

I am livid with him.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/11/2016 02:47

I remember tearing a strip off my DD1 years ago when she unpacked her brand new school PE kit whilst on the bus and just simply left it there. It had never even been worn.

I got a call from her PE teacher a few days later asking why she had no kit, so I told them and they agreed that she needed to learn about taking responsibility for herself.

We were lucky enough to get a call from the bus company a week later as they had the kit in their list property office. One relieved DD who learned a lesson and never did that again.

Ericaequites · 15/11/2016 02:52

Label everything, or teach children in secondary school to do their own. Woven name tapes sewn in the proper and a hidden place are best. Remind your child that all schools have a lost and found; remind them to check it when things are missing. When I was at school, anything left lying around was dispatched there. Teachers tell me they still do this. Learning responsibility is a Good Thing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/11/2016 02:59

Not unreasonable at all. Also echoing buying him cheap trainers from the supermarket.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2016 03:04

Cheap tablet, no new phone and uniform.

DD lost her shoes, well actually one of her shoes, and didnt give a toss. She actually said to me "Well we just need to go and get new ones". So off we went and found the new shoes and then I told her that she was paying for them (She gets a monthly allowance from me and her dad, we are divorced). She was gutted but paid for them and funnily enough, they have been looked after perfectly.

He doesnt care because it doesnt impact him. So make sure it does, you will be doing him a favour in the long term.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2016 03:05

I should say that these were her school shoes that she hates but are uniform rule acceptable.

altik · 15/11/2016 03:11

I'm a mean Mum, but I agree you need to make him take responsibility.

My daughter lost her PE, so I made her use all her savings, and then save up the rest of her pocket money and do chores for money to save up the £80 to replace her PE kit. I also made her phone the bus company to check it hadn't been left there.

She also lost her gillet. Again, I made her save up and replace it. She's not lost anything since.

My rule - I will everything they need the first time. I will also replace if they outgrow it, or if natural wear and tear means it needs replacing. However, if they lose something or deliberately break it - they need to replace it from their money.
Funnily enough, after loosing lots in the first couple of weeks of term, she doesn't anymore. She's 13 now.

ILoveAutumnLeaves · 15/11/2016 03:16

The 'losing it' is bad enough, but the 'not caring' would piss me off no end. It DEFINITELY needs to impact him so he does bloody well care!

I'd buy him the kit now, less stress for the teacher who otherwise ends up with 30 other kids trying to get away with non uniform PE gear, but tell him it will come out of what you'd spend on him at Christmas or pocket money etc and make that very obvious - do not buy him a big ticket item (new phone).

Apparently kindle fire will be £35 on Black Friday.

scaryteacher · 15/11/2016 06:52

Woven labels inside and out, plus his name with a Sharpie round the inside neckline of shirts, the waistband of shorts and under the tongue of the trainers, so if the kit has been nicked, and he then sees people wearing it, he can challenge them. It's also then easier for it to be returned if lost.

NapQueen · 15/11/2016 06:56

I'd be using the lost pe kit as an example of why he wouldn't be getting an expensive but of tech.

Once he learns to look after his mundane possessions then he can have some more exciting ones.

user1471495191 · 15/11/2016 07:01

I would do the same as I love if possible - buy the kit now and let him know it will reduce Christmas spend (unless you perhaps offer him the chance to pay/contribute to the cost) that way he gets punished through the cost, but not with the additional embarrassment factor about not having the correct kit. Perhaps that could happen if he does it again?!

PlugUgly · 15/11/2016 07:08

Is it really the case that 'he just doesn't care' or is he defending against your anger. Is he really not sorry or does he feel foolish. I think the responses I. Here are harsh tbh. Can you offer him a way to atone without spoiling Xmas ?

SheldonCRules · 15/11/2016 07:30

I think Christmas punishments are excessive, plenty of ways to help teach responsibility without taking away Christmas.

I think his response, like PP, is due to the anger aimed at him for losing it. It's a defence mechanism for some.

We all lose things in life, adults included. They travel to so many rooms during the school day it's very very easy to forget to pick a bag up.

Showmeagain · 15/11/2016 07:36

Get a secondhand one from school or friends. He will soon never lose anything ever again

SaucyJack · 15/11/2016 07:49

I'd buy the kit now and then get a cheaper Xmas present.

Logo'd PE kits are expensive and time consuming to replace. He needs to learn that you are not a bottomless money pit.

It's true that it's harder to keep track of your stuff at secondary school, but if he hasn't learnt to bother yet then it's fair to say that he doesn't give a fuck and you need to make it impact him in order for him to care.

tigerdriverII · 15/11/2016 07:56

Watching this with interest as I'm just handing over more dosh for another blazer.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 15/11/2016 08:39

Nah, don't fuck up Christmas. But don't fork out for a new PE kit either. He'll have to face the consequences for not having the correct kit. Hopefully this will motivate him to find his old PE kit or buy a new one. (Or, I suppose,steal someone else's. Maybe that's what happened to his. Is there a culture of gym short thievery at his school?)

indigox · 15/11/2016 08:46

Let him face the consequences of not having one from school before buying a new one. I wouldn't be buying expensive tech for someone irresponsible and careless.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/11/2016 08:55

Ds's PE uniform is over £100 and from the word go the rule was 'if you lose it then YOU will be replacing it with your own money.'

Somerville · 15/11/2016 09:03

Any chance the lost kit will still turn up?

I wouldn't personally put PE kit in a stocking. If you need to buy it anyway he may as well get use from it now. And I would hate a gift in the form of a recent mistake I'd made on Christmas morning, so I wouldn't do that to someone else.

A gift of new trainers and bag would be fine though, if you haven't had to replace these in the meantime. And I suggest the absolute cheapest trainers and bag - supermarket one for less than a tenner. Nothing designer or cool.

Definitely no electronics (which are eminently losable) until he can prove himself by not losing his PE kit for a term or more.

I get my children to 'earn' money to replace things they're particularly careless with by doing extra chores around the house. (Not everything, as there is an expected attrition rate for loss of stuff at school.) Either that or spending significantly less on him at Christmas (or both) would be totally fair enough.

SaucyJack · 15/11/2016 09:22

"But don't fork out for a new PE kit either."

She doesn't have a choice not to buy the kit. If you choose to send your child to a school with a specific uniform, then you are taking on the financial commitment to send your child to school every day with the correct uniform.

Having the correct PE kit isn't optional, and it isn't fair on the school or other parents to not replace it TBH.