To put a new PE kit in Ds stocking

[ReallyTired]

Ds is 14 years old and has lost his PE kit yet again. He just doesn't care. Aibu to get santa to bring him new trainers, PE kit and a bag and a potato. The PE kit is in excess of £100 when you include the cost of a new bag and school uniform and trainers. everything is logoed

He wants a new mobile phone and tablet, but I can't see how we can afford it when we have to replace his entire PE kit. A big problem would be what he wears for the next month. I am proposing to send him in with a plain white shirt and Tesco shorts. I know he will be punished and frankly I don't care.

[Ncbecauseitshard]

Can you give him the ultimatum, he finds his lost kit or he gets nothing else for Christmas? Has he actually been to lost property to check for it?

[BarbarianMum]

Actually, it really isn't, it's perfectly reasonable. I mean this in a nice way, but stop babying him.

I started making dreamy, forgetful ds1 replace lost things aged 9 and after paying for 1 watch and 1 school jumper he amazingly became capable of searching for lost things, finding them and not loosing them in the first place. And this is the boy who got through countless lunch boxes/jumpers/gloves/hats and a PE kit in the previous 6 months!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I think some people are saying he may have accessible money and to use that cash. I.e. In a money box or in the bank.

Does he have any? Otherwise if you can't afford kit and the present of his dreams, you will have to choose.

However, I think on reflection he is old enough to discuss this situation with him. It may put the impetus on him to actually find the darn thing if he knows he's going to bite the bullet himself.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Telling him that this is what you are planning might focus his mind enough that he will go and search properly for his kit.

We had this several times with ds1's kit - and it always turned up eventually - but once dh had to go up to school with him, and help him search properly.

It might be worth asking the school if they have second hand kit you could buy more cheaply, Really.

[ReallyTired]

So are you suggesting that I should buy his sister fewer presents to pay for his PE kit so that a lazy 14 year old misses out on the magic. Logoed PE kits do not grow on trees and we will have to cut back something to find the money to replace his PE kit.

He is a brat and frankly deserves a potato in his stocking. Anyway it could be argued he is far too old for a stocking.

[Meadows76]

No. making him take responsibility is fine, but I wouldn't use Christmas as a chance to do it. That's a real shame.

[ReallyTired]

He has lost his PE kit several times during his school career. Its the fourth time he has lost the lot since year 7. He is in year 10. He knows that santa isn't real. He doesn't have enough money to replace his kit. Taking the cost out of christmas money would wipe the lot, which I think is a bit harsh.

[insan1tyscartching]

I would send him without kit the PE department will have spare kit anyway I wouldn't bother buying Tesco replacement. At least if he goes without kit for a few lessons it alerts the school that it is lost and will no doubt get the PE teachers on his case to search lost property etc in school.It may well be found then and negate the need for a replacement.

[ReallyTired]

Logged PE kits are expensive and time consuming to replace. I am not Harry Potter and he is going to need something to do PE in tomorrow. Hence the cheap Tesco option so that he can do PE tomorrow.

[JosephineMaynard]

If you choose to send your child to a school with a specific uniform, then you are taking on the financial commitment to send your child to school every day with the correct uniform.

Every school near me, state or private, has a specific uniform. The only way to avoid school uniform round here would be home education, which isn't an option for all families (I know I would feel unqualified to home educate my 5 yr old adequately, never mind a 14yr old).

OP, I would buy a PE kit now, but buy it out of the Christmas money - tell him that he's not getting the expensive stuff he wants because you had to spend the money on the new PE kit instead.
The suggestions about telling him he's not getting expensive tech until he's proved he can look after his other stuff properly also sounds good.

[A7mint]

If you speak to the PE department and explain the position, they will have mountains of lost property he can wear til his turns up.If he genuinely has lost it it is bound to turn up sooner or later. If it doesn't then someone has nicked it and he shouldn't be blamed.At my DC's school there is nowhere secure to keep PE kit or coats- they have tobe left in a cloakroom.If someone forgets their kit they used to nick someone else's! I think some people just hide them for a joke My DS14 lost 3 full PE kits in a year and they all turned up in weird places.Problem is largely solved now by having a combination lock through the zippers and PE dept insisting on PE kit being named on the outside in big.

[ReallyTired]

My son goes to a state comprehensive. I dont really have that much choice about school. All the other state secondaries have expensive uniform as well.

"Having the correct PE kit isn't optional, and it isn't fair on the school or other parents to not replace it TBH."

As someone said upthead logoed uniform takes money and time to replace. I am not harry potter, where do you expect to magic up logoed uniform from? It has to be ordered. In the meantime ds needs something to wear for PE.

[SaucyJack]

"But don't fork out for a new PE kit either."

She doesn't have a choice not to buy the kit. If you choose to send your child to a school with a specific uniform, then you are taking on the financial commitment to send your child to school every day with the correct uniform.

Having the correct PE kit isn't optional, and it isn't fair on the school or other parents to not replace it TBH.

[Somerville]

Any chance the lost kit will still turn up?

I wouldn't personally put PE kit in a stocking. If you need to buy it anyway he may as well get use from it now. And I would hate a gift in the form of a recent mistake I'd made on Christmas morning, so I wouldn't do that to someone else.

A gift of new trainers and bag would be fine though, if you haven't had to replace these in the meantime. And I suggest the absolute cheapest trainers and bag - supermarket one for less than a tenner. Nothing designer or cool.

Definitely no electronics (which are eminently losable) until he can prove himself by not losing his PE kit for a term or more.

I get my children to 'earn' money to replace things they're particularly careless with by doing extra chores around the house. (Not everything, as there is an expected attrition rate for loss of stuff at school.) Either that or spending significantly less on him at Christmas (or both) would be totally fair enough.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Ds's PE uniform is over £100 and from the word go the rule was 'if you lose it then YOU will be replacing it with your own money.'

[indigox]

Let him face the consequences of not having one from school before buying a new one. I wouldn't be buying expensive tech for someone irresponsible and careless.

[StartledByHisFurryShorts]

Nah, don't fuck up Christmas. But don't fork out for a new PE kit either. He'll have to face the consequences for not having the correct kit. Hopefully this will motivate him to find his old PE kit or buy a new one. (Or, I suppose,steal someone else's. Maybe that's what happened to his. Is there a culture of gym short thievery at his school?)

[tigerdriverII]

Watching this with interest as I'm just handing over more dosh for another blazer.

[SaucyJack]

I'd buy the kit now and then get a cheaper Xmas present.

Logo'd PE kits are expensive and time consuming to replace. He needs to learn that you are not a bottomless money pit.

It's true that it's harder to keep track of your stuff at secondary school, but if he hasn't learnt to bother yet then it's fair to say that he doesn't give a fuck and you need to make it impact him in order for him to care.

[Showmeagain]

Get a secondhand one from school or friends. He will soon never lose anything ever again

[SheldonCRules]

I think Christmas punishments are excessive, plenty of ways to help teach responsibility without taking away Christmas.

I think his response, like PP, is due to the anger aimed at him for losing it. It's a defence mechanism for some.

We all lose things in life, adults included. They travel to so many rooms during the school day it's very very easy to forget to pick a bag up.

[PlugUgly]

Is it really the case that 'he just doesn't care' or is he defending against your anger. Is he really not sorry or does he feel foolish. I think the responses I. Here are harsh tbh. Can you offer him a way to atone without spoiling Xmas ?