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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my baby cry it out?

81 replies

ConstanceAndTheElephant · 14/11/2016 16:15

My five month old DD gets these moods where she wants to be held by someone STANDING UP. The person has to be standing up. If they sit down with her she'll scream uncontrollably. She can be just fed, winded, fresh from a nap, clean nappy - I.e. no other reason for her to cry, it's just that she INSISTS on her grown up being stood up. As soon as you stand up she stops crying, as soon as you sit down she starts. AIBU to stay sitting, holding her, knowing she is fed, clean and rested and just let her cry? She sounds so distressed but I can't walk around on stop Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConstanceAndTheElephant · 14/11/2016 16:16

*non

OP posts:
abigwideworld · 14/11/2016 16:17

There must be a reason for it Sad have you spoken to your health visitor or GP?

Meadows76 · 14/11/2016 16:18

Classic colic symptom

FATEdestiny · 14/11/2016 16:20

Yes. You would be very unreasonable. She a 5 months old and entirely reliant on you in every way.

You would not be unreasonable to search for ways to help her settle better though. People could help you with that if you were interested.

If you just want to sit and not do anything to try to help your distressed child, then I'm not interested in making you feel better about that.

Crabbitstick · 14/11/2016 16:20

Can you use a sling?
Is she happy in a bumbo seat or something similar?
Could you get her in a high chair?
Are there pets in the home that's she's maybe frightened of if she's low down?
Personally I wouldn't leave a baby to cry as I could never tolerate my DS crying, I had a very physical distressed response to it.
That said obviously there are times you'll need to put her down.
How's her health?
Sounds tough - they're strange fickle creatures babies.

Iloveswears · 14/11/2016 16:20

My dd did this, no reason for it, she just couldn't bear you to be sitting down and comfortable!
Providing there's no reason like colic that she needs the motion, then it's prob just a phase. Do you hold her upright when you're sat down? Both of mine also hated being held in a horizontal position and had to be over my shoulder all the time.

Rosae · 14/11/2016 16:22

My daughter did this for a while. Especially to her dad. I couldn't stand for long because I had bad hips for a long time after birth. So I sat. I cuddled and sang. Also got a chair that rocked so I could partially mimic the motion you make when standing (even when standing still you'll have a small motion ).
She cried a bit but very quickly learned that I wouldn't stand. A couple of days. It lasted longer with her dad, but that is because he would give in.
I then gradually faded out rocking the chair.

Iloveswears · 14/11/2016 16:22

Wow - way to be an unsupportive arsehole to a new mum FATE. Maybe shes just fucking knackered and doesn't need a telling off?

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 16:23

Personally I think she will get used to you sitting down with her if you stick at it. You could use a rocking chair or exercise ball to keep some momentum going, but I wouldn't just stay on my feet with her all the time.

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 16:25

I know, Fate, how mean are you?

Rosae · 14/11/2016 16:25

Oh and you aren't ' leaving her to cry'.You are still there caring and looking after her.

ClopySow · 14/11/2016 16:25

Isn't it just a baby thing? Both my boys did this.

MommaGee · 14/11/2016 16:27

Think lots of babies goo through this stage - my sin at 17 months can still be a bit precious but Ltd about how he's held differently as he likes to be over my shoulder or with his wait on my arms. Might be worth trying a few different positions. I used to resort to kneeling on the sofa so I was resting my feet but he was still in position

biscuitbadger · 14/11/2016 16:27

It's really hard isn't it. My youngest often had to be held upright by someone who was standing up and bouncing. Stop the bouncing or sit down and the screaming would start again.
We believed it was silent reflux, we tried all sorts like cutting out dairy (I was bf) and various reflux meds, we were under a consultant too, but we never really resolved it.
This baby grew into a toddler who had frequent, intense tantrums and is now quite a sensitive and intense child. I think it was partly temperament and partly discomfort of some kind.

As to what to do about it - leaving to cry as in leaving your baby on their own is one thing, sitting and holding them calmly while they cry is entirely different. I think that's fine, she knows you're there, you're offering comfort and cuddles. It's whatever's going to work for you and allow you to cope! Is it better for you to sit down but hear the crying, or stand up but have some peace and quiet...?

FATEdestiny · 14/11/2016 16:27

Maybe shes just fucking knackered

She asked the question. I answered in a non-dramatic completely honestly way.

Baby sounds over tired to me. Needs more frequent sleep.

LoveMyPatio · 14/11/2016 16:30

My ds is like this. I either put him on my back in a sling (he doesn't like the front) and go for a walk, or I've found he will accept being high on my shoulder looking over my back if I sit on a dining chair with my back to the patio doors so he can see out.
I also have 2 other children so he does have to cry a bit sometimes, but I think it's not fair to them to leave them to cry unless you can really help it.

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 16:30

Fate, you were instantly judgemental and really not very nice. Read your comment again?

ClopySow · 14/11/2016 16:40

If you just want to sit and not do anything to try to help your distressed child, then I'm not interested in making you feel better about that

Nothing dramatic there at all...

anothermalteserplease · 14/11/2016 16:42

You probably won't relax anyway though and be all tense if she's crying. Would she tolerate you holding her forward like you're her chair so she's looking out too as she maybe wants to see what's going on?

ThinkOfTheMice · 14/11/2016 16:44

Sit on a gym ball holding her and bounce? Worth a shot

HeavyMetalMummy · 14/11/2016 16:44

My daughter went through this too, it's not uncommon. Bloody knackering though! I ended up strapping her to me in a baby sling but there was only so long my back could take it. What people (excluding the wholly unhelpful, snippy ones) are saying about holding your DD whilst she cries isn't unreasonable, your still there, you haven't abandoned her. Worth looking into the reflux stuff, I've seen something called a Babocush which looks potentially useful, might be worth a gander?

Areyoufree · 14/11/2016 16:44

Ugh. No advice, but you really have my sympathy. My daughter was exactly like that, for most of the first year. It was so tough. It becomes really hard not to take it personally! And she needed really firm bouncing up and down in order to calm down. The only consolation I can offer is that my son was nothing like that, and could be gently cuddled to sleep, from a relaxed, reclining position. Although he is now nearly 3, and still wants to sleep in bed with me and my husband...

dinorawr · 14/11/2016 16:55

Sounds like colic to me to, could she have trapped wind? Really wouldn't leave her to cry yet if she's gonna get herself into a state she is only 5 months. Id try gripe water and see if brings any wind up. Colic really is horrible they don't want to be put down or moved.

Hestheoneandonly · 14/11/2016 16:57

Sounds like every baby I've known get a sling and book yourself a massage

Bubbinsmakesthree · 14/11/2016 17:02

Oh god I remember when my DS had to be 'rocked' to sleep but it literally took about an 30 mins to an hour of vigorous bouncing up and down to get results, every single nap, every single time he woke at night. Hours of bouncing every day. I had to change tack eventually as my knees and back were giving out. I feel your pain. It's OK to try to find a balance between what your baby wants and keeping yourself sane and rested. It's not letting them 'cry it out' - you're trying to find a method of comforting them that works for both of you.