Was I "that mum" today??

[indiana7]

My little one loves playschool, however her teachers leave me cold... the playschool is in a very upmarket area with lots of yummy mummy types... Each morning at drop off the teachers fawn over these women & their offsprings & never greet me (dd often gets a halfhearted hi) I drop her in & out without any communication, pick up is the same I go up to the door to collect dd & the teacher just looks over my head swooning over the other mums behind me..... Today after another instance of being blatently ignored I rang to ask if I had done something to offend her as I am never greeted in the mornings or at pick up. I told her dd was very happy which she is but I can't understand why we are never greeted... She said it's beacuse dd is so good going into school & so well behaved she doesn't need to worry about her, which in my opinion is a rubbish exuse, she is 3 every child likes to hear a hello from their teacher... I am not going to move dd as she is so happy but I am glad I made her aware I'm not happy.. I wouldn't mind if all the parents were treated like this but their not, she ignores me at drop offs & pick ups & if I tried to make conversation in the morning would leave me mid-sentance to go fawning over one of the yummy mummys grrrrr....

How did you leave it with her?

Does she know the other parents better because they had children who attended before. In DS's nursery by the time it was DS2s time there we knew the staff pretty well.

Dd had a similar experience with nursery in that the teachers ignored her, never greeted her etc. Even if dd (who never, ever, ever shuts up) bounded up to them to tell them something they ignored her. She was happy enough but it annoyed me. Anyway after 2 terms her main friends were going to school as they were the year above so I decided to move her for that reason plus I was going to start needing full time childcare shortly after which the preschool didn't really do.

I had thought dd was happy enough in the old nursery but the change in her when she started her new nursery was phenomenal, she was so much happier and the staff were great. I did know the nursery because ds1 had been there so he's the staff recognised us and had known dd as a baby when I picked ds up but they greeted every single child who came through the door with enthusiasm so it wasn't just because they knew us.

Needless to say when it came time for ds2 to go to nursery he went there too!

I just left it like thanks for clearing that up, as I said I was afraid I had offended you as you never acknowledge me at dropoffs/pick ups so I thought the best thing to do was call to clear up any misunderstanding, dd is really happy & loves going to your school & as long as shes happy & learning thats all that matters... She reiterated that she loves having dd, she is very confident & independent & she "doesn't need to worry about her". Yes Wips a good few of the children would have had siblings there previously

Why do you care? They're not your friends. Just rise above it!

I'm one of the mums your talking about! I get on really well with the nursery teachers and can often be talking to them when other mums drop off so they don't get a look in.
This is mainly coz I am nosy, I ask them about themselves, I get involved and embrace them into our lives. They are a massive part of ds's life and I value their opinion on everything (including my new hair colour!)
So I apologise for being one of those mums (although not yummy) and ensure you they are not as confident as they appear, their children are not as secure as they look.
You were right to raise it today, I hope it improves!

Paleontologist, this had been going on since the beginning of September so after todays drop off when teacher started talking to a mum behind me in the queue instead of having to acknowledge me I saw red, I had wanted to say something for a while but didn't want to be seen as "that mum"!! I'm not the confrontational type at all but I guess it's a different situation when it comes to your kids!

They might know older siblings it's always an mad rush into the DC through the door.I know my DD nursery teacher well as I went to school with her DD and also she taught DS who she was fond of and has enjoyed seeing my latest DS.

Well done you. Every child and parent should be acknowledged, it's only professional (and common courtesy!) Hopefully this will give them the boot up the bum to remember their manners - hardly good modelling of behaviour to ignore your DD is it?!

No you weren't being that parent. Well done for speaking up. If it's any consolation to you its like that in every school across the UK. Teachers jumping on the Dick's of well to do parents.
I used to volunteer in a play group and you'd be at tgs door greeting them by name. It gives them tgs reasurrance that they're welcome.

Vertical you want the nursery staff's opinion on your new hair colour and other parents don't get a look-in, like that's a good thing?

It's one thing being friendly, it's another monopolising staff at drop-off/pick-up time.

I think you should be proud that you faced something that was an issue for you and tackled it in an assertive and non aggressive way! But I don't think she will change her ways. She is ridiculous and the problem is all hers. But unfortunately it involves your child and that's what makes it so painful isn't it. If there was anyway to change nurseries I would consider it because it worries me that this woman may treat the children differently. For several reasons my children all went to different nurseries in the city we live in and the differences between them are astronomical! The friendliness of the staff seems to be a good indication of the quality of nursery school so although it may seem a minor thing it would be a red flag for me.

They probably think you're a fecking nightmare, Verticalvenitian. Very rude to monopolise staff like that, to chunter on about your new hair colour...

I had this with a classroom assistant in DD's reception class OP...when I moaned on here I was told I was being very unreasonable. I still don't think I was....I don't think you were either.

Actually I would consider moving her. If the teacher ignores her when she arrives because 'she doesn't need to worry about her' then I would be concerned about how much attention she gets during the rest of the day.

Our pre-school sounds much less formal than yours but I wouldn't leave my DD anywhere where the adult in charge didn't greet her. How long does it take for her to say 'Hello X, nice to see you.' Also our nursery staff usually ask you how the child is today, just as a prompt in case they are upset about something, have a cold or have had a broken night so may need a nap etc Or maybe they just care! Doesn't sound like your DD's teacher is that bothered about her, so have a look round and see if you can find somewhere a bit nicer!

Vertical maybe you need some counselling/work on your self esteem rather than bolstering yourself in a most inappropriate fashion.
Nursery workers and parents should have a friendly PROFESSIONAL relationship no more no less

No you did the right thing OP well done

I used teach and I've worked in nurserys and I would never have behaved in that way,leaving you hanging mid sentance that's nothing to do with the teacher knowing the other parents better that's the teacher being very unaware of herself and the way she comes across in that kind of situation.

You may well not be the only parent she does that to and now you've raised the subject with her,I'd hope she learns from it.

Vertical that's a really odd post. You don't see anything wrong with monopolizing the staff at drop off time?

YANBU OP and I'm so pleased you mentioned it to them, I remember as a child that teachers would fawn over other parents and never my mum. My mum was a single parent and worked as a cleaner - hardly any other childrens parents were divorced and all had very well paid jobs, I don't remember any other child having free school meals etc - it felt shit to be so obviously excluded.

It's one thing being friendly, it's another monopolising staff at drop-off/pick-up time. - Agreed!! I don't get the chance to speak with the teachers except at drop-off because my son goes to an after school club so I'm not there are pick up time. It can be very difficult to catch them to have a quiet word about issues you may need to discuss when people are using the time for general chit chat.

Coming from a nursery practitioner point of view it's really not acceptable, our job is to build relationships with parents and carers in order to better meet the needs of every child. It does not matter one bit that the child appears 'fine', every child has individual and changing needs and the only way to meet them properly is by fostering good relationships with parents and the child.
This starts with greeting each child and parent as they enter, making them feel welcome and at ease, enabling parents and children to feel comfortable coming to us with questions and updates on the child giving us information that will help us meet that child's needs while they're in our care. You were absolutely right to bring this up with them, it's totally unprofessional for them to be showing favouritism to certain parents.

I'm afraid I agree with PP vertical, that is not an appropriate way to behave at drop off/ pick up.

I think you did the right thing bringing it up in a calm, sensible way at a different time OP. Hope they take it on board.

I empathize entirely! There was one other mum at my kids' nursery who was besties with the teachers, which would have been fine if she wasn't there all the fecking time, and wasn't such a gossip. She even sent messages about how my kids were doing which I hated, and seemed to know far too much about all of the other parents and talked openly about them. I don't know if the nursery ever really cottoned onto it - in fact, this woman is still one of those connector alpha types that everyone else seems to love. I don't get it.

Thanks a million, I was pretty irritated last month as dd & a few others had been off school for a week with bad gastro, when dd returned the 2 teachers were making a huge fuss of another little one who had been out & never greeted dd or asked me how she was... It's a very small preschool... my blood was boiling but I let it go but I saw red today & said enough is enough I had to say something. On the phone today she reassured me once the doors were closed all children receive equal attention etc, glad I spoke up & thanks for reassuring me I wasn't being aibu... I think it would unsettle dd to move her as she has 3 very close friends who will be going to reception with her so would prefer to keep her there just felt I had to say something...

I don't know. You seem more annoyed about them not talking to you than your daughter...

Good for you. People need to be called out on this kind of behaviour.

Whether your DD is confident and settles quickly every day or not....the staff should definately have the common courtesy to greet you each day!