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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I "that mum" today??

75 replies

indiana7 · 08/11/2016 19:56

My little one loves playschool, however her teachers leave me cold... the playschool is in a very upmarket area with lots of yummy mummy types... Each morning at drop off the teachers fawn over these women & their offsprings & never greet me (dd often gets a halfhearted hi) I drop her in & out without any communication, pick up is the same I go up to the door to collect dd & the teacher just looks over my head swooning over the other mums behind me..... Today after another instance of being blatently ignored I rang to ask if I had done something to offend her as I am never greeted in the mornings or at pick up. I told her dd was very happy which she is but I can't understand why we are never greeted... She said it's beacuse dd is so good going into school & so well behaved she doesn't need to worry about her, which in my opinion is a rubbish exuse, she is 3 every child likes to hear a hello from their teacher... I am not going to move dd as she is so happy but I am glad I made her aware I'm not happy.. I wouldn't mind if all the parents were treated like this but their not, she ignores me at drop offs & pick ups & if I tried to make conversation in the morning would leave me mid-sentance to go fawning over one of the yummy mummys grrrrr....

OP posts:
HellsBellsAndBucketsOfBlood · 08/11/2016 21:26

A few years ago a pre-school teacher was so busy being monopolised by one parent chatting at the door, that they missed my DS run past them and out the door and down the road, crying mummy!

CocktailQueen · 08/11/2016 21:28

Bloody hell, the nursery staff sound awful! Unprofessional and cliquey. Good for you for raising it.

I can see why you want your dd to stay there, but I'd be worrying that they were actually paying attention to your dd when she was there. Could you speak to the nursery manager?

And Vertical, you sound like a nightmare. And completely inappropriate.

Original poster
indiana7 · 08/11/2016 21:30

Cocktail, it was the owner I spoke to today, she runs the school with her sis in law

OP posts:
NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 08/11/2016 21:32

One of the nursery nurses when DS was in the 2-3year olds room was similar to this - quite clearly really disliked both of us and would mostly ignore him and outright ignore me. I think her issue was with me rather than him, but I never did find out - I was younger, poorer and gayer than any of the other mothers and while I can't be certain it was any of these, I think at the very least she felt more confident being rude to me than she would have felt with most of them.
Fortunately she was the only one we had that experience with, and there was always at least one much friendlier face around. I would be v upset in the situation you describe. It's really shit practice - they should be friendly and welcoming to your child and you. Well done for speaking up.

Verticalvenetianblinds · 08/11/2016 21:44

For context the conversation was led by the key worker 'what you up today vert' to which I replied I'm finally going to the hairdressers! Can't decide to stay dark or have highlights tho. Keyworker gave me her opinion then went on to tell me about her Pinterest plans. I do not monopolise them, as I said I'm naturally nosy and sometimes I think they appreciate talking to an adult. Gawd you all must think I'm a psycho that thinks they are my friends. but I can see how some parents would feel the way the op does, and it's opened my eyes to it. Will do better, promise

FluffyPineapple · 08/11/2016 21:45

YANBU OP. The nursery staff are ignoring your dc and I'm glad you brought it to their attention. Every child should be cheerfully greeted when entering the nursery class. Unfortunately there are some parents who seem to want to monopolise the nursery staff's attention. The staff need to learn to ignore the wants of needy parents and concentrate on the children they are paid to care for. I hope your chat with the staff brings about change. Good luck x

SpunkyMummy · 08/11/2016 21:48

YANBU.

Every kid deserves to be greeted the same way.

Notagainmun · 08/11/2016 21:59

Wow! I am shocked that people behave like that, I have never experienced it and I work in childcare. I know I have met parents and children I have more of a rapport with but you never show anything but equal concern and welcome to everyone who attends your setting. So very unprofessional to treat you and your child like this and you are right to pull them up on it.

hoddtastic · 08/11/2016 22:00

vertical, you aren't doing yourself no favours yo.

StarBears · 08/11/2016 22:02

Vertical that makes more sense, however you did sound a bit chuffed when you said you can often be talking to them when other mums drop off so they don't get a look in. Why not step aside with the chat so they can get a look-in?

I would quickly share plans to be polite if asked but if another parent was waiting to drop-off, I would move on quickly. Nursery staff are there to concentrate on children or matters concerning the children, obviously occasionally that will move into parents matters e.g. where you are going if you are advising your child won't be in next week due to hols, but overall it's equally polite to be mindful of their responsibility to their charges first and foremost over chats with parents.

Verticalvenetianblinds · 08/11/2016 22:02

I know. It's snow deprivation. Going to bed, and doing the drop off with just a hi, have a nice day tomoro Grin

Original poster
indiana7 · 08/11/2016 22:46

Thanks for the support, it will be interesting to see if they greet dd in the morning, I'm a bit nervous to be honest, I hate any type of conflict!

OP posts:
Summerwood1 · 08/11/2016 22:48

Good on you op. Let us know how things go tomorrow.

Atenco · 08/11/2016 22:51

On the phone today she reassured me once the doors were closed all children receive equal attention etc

I'm sorry, OP, if they are ignoring your child in front of you, there is absolutely no reason to believe they aren't even worse behind closed doors.

bumsexatthebingo · 08/11/2016 22:54

I'm going to say YABU as the staff can't fawn over every parent at drop offs and pick ups. They are bound to chat more with parents they know better and those who chat with them. Have you tried starting conversations and been cut off op?
Not asking abut your dd when she had been unwell would have peed me off but I likely would have just chimed in with 'X is feeling a lot better today too' to highlight that they hadn't asked. I think you are one of 'those mums' for complaining about this. Sorry.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/11/2016 23:01

Well if thats the case they shouldn't be fawning over anyone Bingo. They're their to do a job. Not to fawn over the parents who live on right side of the road and who drive the flashiest cars. Whist deliberately ignoring other children

CocktailQueen · 08/11/2016 23:02

Hope it goes well tomorrow. Fingers crossed. (But they still sound shite. Who ignores small dc they are being paid to look after, just because they don't know the dc's mum?!)

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/11/2016 23:08

Shock. Hells. You must have gone postal

bumsexatthebingo · 08/11/2016 23:09

One persons fawning is another persons chatting. I'd be interested to know if the op has actually tried to chat to any of the staff.
I agree with the poster upthread who said the staff aren't the op's friends and nor do they need to be. If the dd is happy I think it's ridiculous to complain over staff seeming to like other parents better.
I also doubt they give a shiny shit what kind of cars they drive even though the op clearly does

Comtesse · 08/11/2016 23:35

Is the problem that they don't acknowledge your child or they don't speak to you op?

The first might not be great (but seems to matter more to you than your dd) but why would the 2nd matter?

Why would you want the staff to "fawn over" you too? Sorry I thought that most people wanted a quick efficient drop off that lets everyone get on with the next part of their day. I don't really see this as a massive deal, sorry.

JosephineMaynard · 08/11/2016 23:48

They are bound to chat more with parents they know better and those who chat with them.

While this is of course true, I can't help but feel that drop off / pick up times, when multiple children are arriving or leaving at once, isn't the time for staff to be having a friendly chat with their favourite parents.

If there's more parents arriving, then surely the focus should be on greeting the children, not conversations with the parents? Unless the parent is discussing something staff need to know about their child of course.

There's been times I need to talk to staff about something that's been going on with the DC, and of course sometimes other parents have things they need to mention too, so you have to wait - but it'd be annoying to have to wait to talk to staff about say, a concern relating to your child because another parent is chatting about their new hairdo.

I'd also be a bit sceptical about the children all being treated equally behind closed doors if they're not treated equally when the parent is present.

TheKrakenSmith · 09/11/2016 00:00

Not a nursery teacher but I work with small groups of young children. If anything, it's especially important that the chilled out kids get a special hello, because if they're in a class with a hysterically upset child, they might not get a tonne of attention otherwise (I have each class of 4 for 90 minutes at a time, I try to split but sometimes a kid just goes, and there's not a lot I can do).
Not only that, but it's pretty vital that you feel the teachers are accessible to you to discuss any issues, surely.

IMissGrannyW · 09/11/2016 00:18

OMG - this...
On the phone today she reassured me once the doors were closed all children receive equal attention etc
I'm sorry, OP, if they are ignoring your child in front of you, there is absolutely no reason to believe they aren't even worse behind closed doors.

Yes, yes YES. The ignoring is the face they're HAPPY to show you! You've done so right to raise this. Please think about moving your child. They sound awful. Who doesn't greet a child? How hard is it to say "hello" and make a child feel welcome.

This thread is really upsetting.

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 09/11/2016 00:56

YWNBU so don't feel bad. It is polite and courteous to greet people coming and going. Our nursery is very persnickety about it and like everyone to have basic good manners (Goodbye/Hello/Please/Thank You). It is no harm to make the staff aware of their bad manners. They are meant to be teachers and lead by good example.

CheshireDing · 09/11/2016 02:26

YANBU but I would also still be suspicious what happens when you are not there, do they just ignore your DD then?

It shouldn't matter that she is happy to go in to pre-school, they should still be bloody polite enough to say hello to her, poor thing. I would be pissed off and offended/annoyed too.

For comparison when I drop DC2 off at nursery:-

They still also say hello (and ask how school is going etc) to DC1 who has just finished nursery and started school.

They also say hello to DC3 (who can't speak as he is a baby) but the acknowledgement to him is there from them.

As well as they obviously talking to DC2 and asking about his nail varnish/random Spiderman outfit etc he is wearing Grin

They speak to all my Children even though only 1 is actually at nursery at the moment, it's the acknowledgement and respect.

If you walked in to work, sat down and started working and nobody spoke to you I would consider it the same as your pre-school, it certainly wouldn't feel very nice.

I would be inclined to try and move her too OP.

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