To be pissed off with husband

[Apachepony]

On maternity leave with one baby, & have older child. Bf baby so I do all nights, I cosleep so not absolutely debilitating but still pretty tiring.
Dh didn't get home until midnight last night, so when baby woke for the day at 7.30 I left him sleep. At 9 baby went down for nap, other child still sleeping so I asked him to keep an ear out while I popped to shop. He complained bitterly, saying he didn't go to sleep til 3.30, but I went anyway. When I came back 25 mins later, baby had just woke up & was crying, & other child got up too. I asked her m to get up, he started complaining, I said I hoped he wasn't going for a run if he was taking a long lie in, he said he would do whatever the future the fuck he wanted. He got up 20 mins later and went out for a run, and is still not back almost an hour later. AIBU to be pissed off?

Few typos there! Hope it's still understandable

No YANBU.

If he got home at midnight why didn't he go to sleep until 3.30? Surely that's his fault?

Also, it sounds like he just does what he wants and you do the shit work. Is he engaged with family life and his child at all?

Is the older child his?

He sounds like a twat.

Takes two to tango, they're his DC too, he needs to support you and help. Sorry, sounds like a dick.

Is he always this horrible? Because he does sound horrible.

so he just does whatever he likes, like a single man?! What a dick.

When he gets back you go out for a run (or whatever) for an hour or so. You too can do what the fuck you want to.

Was he out until midnight working? Or partying?
Either way why didn't he go to bed until 3.30am?

Can you express for baby? I'd piss off out when he gets back and say sweetly "I never realised we could do what the fuck we liked, see ya later" then go find somewhere warm for a couple of hours and eat cake

If my DP spoke to me like that and said he'd "do whatever the fuck he wanted" he'd be shown the door. No excuses.

Yep, I'd be pissed about that too. However, unless he was working till midnight and then maybe had good reason to stay up till 3.30.. then maybe not so much, no.

If he was out partying, then totally yes.

Id be reconsidering my marriage if my husband spoke to me and behaved like that.

Is this a one off or is he often a selfish twat?

Hmm. This reminds me of a certain someone......staying up till all hours, long lie-ins and then disappearing for a few hours of surfing, and if I complained, I would be told I was 'controlling'. If it's a one-off, then you need to talk - if it's a regular thing, then tell of course he can do whatever the fuck he likes as he's newly single.

He got in and I walked out the door. In a nearby cafe with a cappuccino, they do lovely pear and almond scones here, wish I wasn't on a diet! Baby won't take a bottle and usually feeds to sleep so I have made a rod for my own back! Calming down now, baby is fed, but not slept, but he needs to learn how to settle him. He was working until 11 last night, but always sits up late and is crap in the morning. Hasn't given me one lie in since baby born 4 months ago! I wouldn't say he's disengaged from family life in general, just shockingly selfish in the morning. Was I BU not wanting him to lie in longer?

Time you had words you know this so don't let it go on any longer .

yanbu at all. he sounds horrible hope he's not like that all the time

I could stay here for an hour with no worries about feeding, just slightly concerned about baby's nap, If he puts him in the buggy & goes for a walk he should fall asleep (with a bit of crying but there's always that unless he's fed to sleep...)

Hmm, as he got home from work at midnight and I guess didn't go to sleep as he needed to unwind, then I do think a bit of leeway is needed here. Both of uou are operating on not enough sleep. Maybe talk to him tonight about how you manage your responsibilities together i.e. Who does what and when.

Unsure how if uour baby feeds to sleep your hubby can learn to settle him, sorry, does feed to sleep not mean he feeds then falls asleep and doesn't need settling?

Last night was unusual cos he was working so late but all the time he stays up too late & is useless in the morning! He'll take care of other child but this involves taking him into his bed and playing videos on his phone while he sleeps on! Sorry, just need a rant...

To clarify he feeds to sleep, all other methods (holding, buggy, car) involve a bit of crying first. I need to go back don't I? Sigh. I was trying to feed him to sleep but dh had no key when he came back. Was probably best for me to leave than have a fight in front of children.

If my h spoke to me like that, I'd have called the locksmith while he was out! He could then do what the fuck he liked, from the local holiday inn!

I don't care what he was doing til midnight, he doesn't get to talk to you or treat you like that.

Well done for leaving the house and leaving him to it. I hope that he realises what a dick he was and apologies and starts behaving like a father not a single bloke.

Bluntness how long would you have let him sleep? I think because I NEVER get a lie in I was less accommodating than I otherwise would be!

I would tend to be the more sweary one, except if it involves sleep/morning time when he can be vicious. Last baby he pushed me hard, while I was holding baby, when I was trying to get him to get up in the middle of the night. I am due to go back to a v demanding job in 5 months time, when he'll have to pull his weight overnight but it'll cause ructions - his sleep hasn't been affected by the baby at all so far.

No, you don't need to go back yet. He's their father; let him parent them.

And have one of those pear and almond scones. This counts as an emergency!