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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NC from close friends after I've given birth

68 replies

bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:06

Not sure if this is the correct topic board to use, but here goes...

I gave birth just over a week ago by ELCS and texted close friends and sent a photo, then my DH made an announcement on FB later that evening. I received brief messages back from the close friends I'd messaged, but then haven't heard anything since! Just for a clearer insight, my friends don not have children of their own. But I'm really upset not to have heard anymore from them, such as whether me or the baby are okay etc.

In comparison, I have friends who are parents who have messaged regularly to check up on us and one really kind couple made some food for us and delivered it!

I feel like I need to address this with my friends when I finally see them, otherwise I don't think I can be okay with them if I don't air this upset.

What do you think and what advise would you give in regards to speaking to the friends in question about this?

Sorry for long message!

OP posts:
HaveNoSocks · 30/10/2016 14:09

It's really hard to say. They may well just be holding back to give you space to get used to being a parent. If someone text me to say they'd had their baby & sent a pic I would assume that both mum and baby were OK. Perhaps invite them round to meet the little one, so they know they're wanted.

Seekingadvice123 · 30/10/2016 14:10

I really cannot understand the issue here. You gave birth a week ago and are moaning that your friends are not regularly texting you for updates and don't think you can 'be ok with them' because of it..... is that right?????

bevelino · 30/10/2016 14:10

Bigsur, your friends may not wish to trouble you especially in the early days. Why not invite them round when you are up to visitors.

sandgrown · 30/10/2016 14:10

There are many threads on here where people want to be left alone for weeks after the birth. Maybe they have read them! They may be giving you some space. The people with children have a better idea what you are going through!

Perfectlypurple · 30/10/2016 14:11

It was only a week. Changes are they are giving you time to settle in. I don't see what there is to address.

Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:14

Yes I completely understand that they just be giving us space. But all I got was congratulations and not had a single message since to check I'm okay or that the baby is. This is my second baby and they knew what a hard time I had with my first, so just a little bit of moral support would have been nice. I'm not saying they need to visit, just check in.

OP posts:
Doje · 30/10/2016 14:14

They're just giving you some space.

The other parents know what you're going through, so know you'll be happy to receive their support.

Pre kids, I'd have done the same as them, and presumed new mum (ie you) would be in touch when ready.

alltouchedout · 30/10/2016 14:15

I'd say that if you complain to your friends about this you are going to end up with fewer friends than you currently have. This is quite ridiculous.

TaterTots · 30/10/2016 14:15

A lot of people feel overwhelmed by the number of visitors they get in the early days. Maybe they're just giving you space.

Ice3 · 30/10/2016 14:15

When my best friend gave birth I replied to her text of photo and details offered help if needed and then backed off until she contacted me. I didn't know when/if she was sleeping and had no wish to disturb her. As soon as she contacted me I replied. The ball is in your court.

baconandeggies · 30/10/2016 14:16

They don't know what your expectations are and are probably giving you space. I bet if you messaged to invite them around or ask them for a favour they'd be there in a flash. If none have had children then it's unknown territory and they're waiting for your cue. They haven't done anything wrong.

Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:16

It's good to hear a different perspective. I wrote that they are not parents themselves as this is perhaps how I would have been pre kids. Whereas being a parent yourself, you have a better insight into the world of newborns/new parents! Thank you

OP posts:
WaxingNinja · 30/10/2016 14:17

This thread just goes to show that people can't fucking win either way.

They've replied to your initial texts and fb announcement.

Have you replied to say "I'm feeling ok, I'm up to having visitors, come and meet the baby".

I take it you're not one of those that were demanding that no in laws near the baby within the first month and giving out an itinerary visiting schedule?

Seekingadvice123 · 30/10/2016 14:19

I wrote that they are not parents themselves as this is perhaps how I would have been pre kids. Whereas being a parent yourself, you have a better insight into the world of newborns/new parents!

There's your answer then. So why are you complaining?

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 30/10/2016 14:19

It's not exactly that they have been NC.
You had messages and it's only been a week.
They might be thinking you need space to recover and space to bond with the baby.
YABU.

Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:20

PS This is my first AIBU and it's been great to have been told straight up and it's made me feel a lot better/clearer about the situation, but o do feel some people's tones are quite harsh when they reply!!!! So glad I'm not having a baby blues day :)

Thank you for he quick replies though - this has helped

OP posts:
Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:22

PS They didn't respond to the FB announcement, just a quick congrats on a text message response

OP posts:
SylvieB74 · 30/10/2016 14:22

I think they should have been around with cards and presents?!

TaterTots · 30/10/2016 14:24

PS They didn't respond to the FB announcement, just a quick congrats on a text message response

How many times do they need to respond?

Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:24

Seekingadvice123 - that's what I was trying to gage, whether as non parents they are behaving in an expected way

OP posts:
Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:26

No not at all bothered about cards and presents, just to check in that everything is okay, esp as they know I had a hard time last time. I think I was trying to balance it out with how I've responded to them in big moments in their lives - break ups, house moves etc

OP posts:
Seekingadvice123 · 30/10/2016 14:27

whether as non parents they are behaving in an expected way

'Behaving'??? Seriously...... you are MASSIVELY over thinking this and sounding a tad ridiculous.

Original poster
bigsur99 · 30/10/2016 14:29

Behaving is just a word. I was just wk seeing how other people would feel if their friends had been the same

OP posts:
BigPointyStick · 30/10/2016 14:31

Are you quite young OP? I don't think you're unreasonable If you usually have a lot of contact with them.

Marshmallow92 · 30/10/2016 14:31

Some people on here are harsh! The first few weeks are hard, I've got a little one so I remember it well and sometimes you just want to feel like people are there if you need them. I also found that very few people text me to see how we were. I do think people that haven't got kids just think it's best to give you space. One of my oldest friends took 2 months to come and see us and then I've not heard a single thing since and that was 12 weeks ago!

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