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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wibu me or daughter

70 replies

Cluesue · 30/10/2016 11:12

My 10 year old daughter has 2 reborn dolls that she has had since she was 5,very well loved and pretty tatty now,she hasn't played with them in about 18 months now,one was shoved in a box and one has been sat in a toy cot in bedroom for all this time.
Anyhow,my sister phoned me up this week to ask if dd still had them as her friends dd was really into them at the moment and could she possibly have them,my automatic response was no as dd2 who is 4 may want them.Cleaning the bedroom this morning and thought actually dd2 doesn't really play with dolls so I asked her did she like them,she said "no they are freaky".
So I go to dd1 and asked could they be given to friends dd so they will be played with again not just shoved in box or sat in room collecting dust,I was met with an emphatic "no" and an argument ensued.
I would rather they were put to good use and played with again,she wants to keep them shoved away.Wibu?

OP posts:

SpotTheDuck · 30/10/2016 11:14

They belong to your DD. Surely it's her decision what to do with them? I think pressuring her to give them away when she doesnt want to is pretty nasty TBH.

HeCantBeSerious · 30/10/2016 11:15

They're your daughter's dolls, not yours or your sister's or your sister's friend. If she wants to kept them she should be able to keep them.

YABU

HeCantBeSerious · 30/10/2016 11:15

*keep, not kept.

JosephineMaynard · 30/10/2016 11:15

I'd be inclined to let her keep them if she still wants them, even if she's not played with them in a while.

How is she generally with getting rid of outgrown toys btw?

JustHappy3 · 30/10/2016 11:16

You. Because they were a gift to her and she's old enough to know her own mind. I have books on my shelves i haven't read for decades but i'd be really angry if DH gave them away.
Sometimes we need to keep our childhood things around us.

IHeartKingThistle · 30/10/2016 11:16

I'm with her! They belong to her.

My mum very often got rid of my things without asking or even telling me. I found it stressful and I grew up thinking I was terribly forgetful and always losing things. I'm a bit of a hoarder as a result!

I do encourage my DC to pass things on or give them to charity, and they often do, but I have also promised them that I will never get rid of anything without their permission.

It's occasionally infuriating, but it's their stuff.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/10/2016 11:17

Yabu they aren't yours so not up to you, I also think your sister is a bit odd, why would you ring and ask for old dolls for someone else when dolls are freely and cheaply available and there are other kids in the house that might use them

Dfg15 · 30/10/2016 11:17

Agree with all PP. They belong to your daughter her decision to keep or not. You would be very mean to go against what she wants

GettingMuckyFingersCrossed · 30/10/2016 11:19

They are your daughters
She said no
That should be the end of it

Nurszilla · 30/10/2016 11:19

It's hers to do as she wishes with, she doesn't want to give them to a stranger and that's fine.

How would you feel if your sister gave away a bunch of clothes you hadn't worn in a while because her friend liked them?

Liiinoo · 30/10/2016 11:20

I don't think either of you is unreasonable yet. You asked her did she want them (fair enough) and she said yes she does (equally fair). What would be unreasonable would be to insist on her giving away well loved toys before she is ready to do that.

I know it's not quite the same situation, but I would be very annoyed if my DH were to insist on me giving something I was sentimentally attached to because I wasn't using it.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 30/10/2016 11:21

You asked. She said no. End of. They're hers, not yours and it's up to her if she wants to keep them. She may want them for any future children she may have as well.

WatchingFromTheWings · 30/10/2016 11:22

They are hers and she's said no. I'm 40 and still have a handful of my cuddly toys. Not played with them in 30 years but I wouldn't give them away, even to a child who might play with them.

BigPointyStick · 30/10/2016 11:23

I'm sure you have clothes and shoes you've not worn in a while but don't want to get rid of.

They are not yours, whether you'd like them to be played with is irrelevant.

JustSpeakSense · 30/10/2016 11:23

They belong to your DD. They are not yours to give away.

BaronessBomburst · 30/10/2016 11:25

DM spent my childhood deciding which toys and comics I could play with and read, and which I'd outgrown. She cancelled my Twinkle order and didn't even bother to tell me. I found out when I went to collect in from the shop and they didn't have it for me. She took my cuddly toys away, and packed my Sindys into the loft because she felt I didn't play with them enough. I'm still bitter about it.
Yab massively u.
They're HER things, not yours.

Jammiedodgers · 30/10/2016 11:25

I think mums should be able to make decisions that might b beyond a 4 year olds understanding. she probably won't even notice if they're gone tbf

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 30/10/2016 11:26

Jammiedodgers

The DD in question is 10, not 4.

MimiSunshine · 30/10/2016 11:26

She's old enough now that they are her property and not yours like things would have been when she was a baby.

We all have things in cupboards that we barely if at all use but that mean something to us that we wouldn't want to get rid of, the dolls are the same for her

HeCantBeSerious · 30/10/2016 11:27

She's 10, not 4.

DeathStare · 30/10/2016 11:29

I think mums should be able to make decisions that might b beyond a 4 year olds understanding. she probably won't even notice if they're gone tbf

She's ten not four. And it isn't about whether she'd notice, it's about respecting her right to make her own decisions about her own belongings. The same would apply if she was four though.

JustDanceAddict · 30/10/2016 11:29

You are. They're her dolls. I sold one of my DD's v expensive dolls as he didn't want it any more, but she was sure. I think she was 12, rather than 10.

Glastonbury · 30/10/2016 11:33

They are your Dd's to do as she wishes not yours.

softboiledeggs · 30/10/2016 11:34

You asked her then got frustrated her answer wasn't what you wanted... let her keep them and apologise.

Original poster

Cluesue · 30/10/2016 11:34

I know you are all right and I feel pretty shit now,have apologised and said they are hers of course she can keep them if that is her wish.
I have real issues with clutter,to the extent it affects my mental health so I am massively guilty of having clear outs and getting rid of stuff they don't play with anymore just last week I got rid of a pram dd2 hasn't looked at all year and lo and behold this week she asked for it.
We are going to have to work out a compromise as a family where they get to keep their things and it doesn't get me overwhelmed clutter wise.
Thank you all.

OP posts:

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