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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU.... to not want a reception at my wedding?

64 replies

Bellyrub1980 · 30/10/2016 07:54

My perfect wedding is this...

I (the bride!) arrive at the venue (a large one room venue, like a hall of some kind) with my dad and bridesmaids at around 5/6PM. All the guests are there (day and evening guests, in a 'traditional' sense) We have the ceremony. Then, straight after saying the vows it immediately turns into a huge party with a band, buffet, hog roast etc. Briefly interrupted by the first dance, cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet and all that jazz.

But no formal reception with speeches.

What's the general consensus? Because this is what I'd reallly like and I'm getting some funny looks when I suggest it to people IRL.

Also, would wedding venues be up for this idea???

OP posts:

Jadetreesbringluck · 30/10/2016 07:55

Sounds fantastic!! Go for it!

Barefootcontessa84 · 30/10/2016 07:56

That sounds like a reception to me...! They come in all shapes and sizes. You can essentially do what you want, and don't necessarily need speeches (they tend to be pretty boring anyway, but IMO it's important to thank your guests for making the effort to attend, so I think one quick speech would be polite.

Boundaries · 30/10/2016 07:56

Sounds lovely.

winkywinkybumbum · 30/10/2016 07:56

Sounds fabulous!

Maverickismywingman · 30/10/2016 07:57

I think - have it however you. It is a reception. Just not in the traditional sense.

You would need to work the timing of 5/6 out with whoever marries you (humanist/registrar etc) I don't know the ins and outs but think legally there's cut off times or personal times they will work.
It sounds absolutely amazing though.

RushToKansas · 30/10/2016 07:57

Sounds fun! It's up to you and DP so go for it if that's what you want and you can find someone to marry you at that time etc. I suppose the only thing is some people may be reluctant to travel far for just the evening?

NotYoda · 30/10/2016 07:57

This sounds like a normal Reception. Just no speeches

Why so against speeches, though? You are doing some fairly formal things

(my bias - I like the speeches - made one myself)

PaperdollCartoon · 30/10/2016 07:58

I think it's yours and your DPs wedding and you can do whatever the hell you like! You might need to factor some walking outside time for them to change the room around for the party, bring the food in etc etc.

Could you find somewhere where you could maybe go out for an hours drinks on a patio type thing after the ceremony, and then come back in, so there's a little middle bit? It's less common to do evening weddings in this country, so speak to venues and see what they say. But ultimately do what makes you happy, not what other people want.

Famalam13 · 30/10/2016 07:58

Sounds perfect! If you want advice mine would be not to involve people in the planning. Just book what you want and issue invitations. People get very weird about weddings and it ruined the planning stage for me :)

HaveNoSocks · 30/10/2016 07:59

lol I thought you were going to have a wedding and no party afterwards. What you're describing sounds great - I'm sure most of the guests would love to get straight to the party. AS long as there's food and drink it's a reception and people will be happy.

blueskyinmarch · 30/10/2016 08:00

That sounds like a fairly standard but not overly formal wedding. Not sure it could be held all in one hall though. Are there not restrictions about where wedding ceremonies can be held? If it could be held in one place there would likely be a bit where they would have to move the seating etc from the ceremony part to the party bit.

I went to a lovely informal wedding where they got married in the registrars office then we all went back to there's for the reception. Small marquee adjoining the house and a hog roast then an ice cream van. They provided fizz and we all brought our own drinks for later. It was very relaxing. Maybe something like that?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 30/10/2016 08:01

Sounds good but make sure it's a venue with some quiet space away from the band, dancing etc. For me the best bit of a wedding is the catching up with other people I haven't seen for ages which usually happens after the ceremony, during the meal etc. It would be hugely frustrating to be with old friends etc and not be able to chat properly because you were all stuck in one room with loud music.

TheHighPriestessOfTinsel · 30/10/2016 08:01

we didn't have any formal aspect to our reception - we all walked from the register office to the function room of a pub 5 mins walk away for a buffet and drinks. DH's dad did spontaneously get up to propose a toast about an hour in, but no speeches. We had few enough guests that we were able to thank everyone in person.

neonrainbow · 30/10/2016 08:02

I think you have to get married before dusk. But there's no reason you can't do it that way. I think what you mean is you're not having the wedding breakfast. It sounds like a great wedding to me.

LostSight · 30/10/2016 08:03

You will be having a reception, which is the party. You're just missing out the wedding breakfast, which in the UK is the technical term for the sit-down meal. Sounds lovely to me.

FoxesOnSocks · 30/10/2016 08:03

Do it!!

newmumwithquestions · 30/10/2016 08:04

Sounds great, also your wedding - do what you want!

SheStoodInTheStorm · 30/10/2016 08:05

We did this! No speeches. Best man did a quick speech but informal.

AuntieStella · 30/10/2016 08:05

What you've described is a reception!

I think that the wedding industry has narrowed the idea of what a wedding should look like to such an extent that people have forgotten the basics.

Which is that the reception is everything that happens afterwards to entertain your guests, whether that's lunch, tea, dinner of none of the above with or without music to follow.

When you said 'no reception' in the title I thought you meant ceremony only. And I did think it would be a bit mean not to have at least a cup of tea and some mingling.

Spadequeen · 30/10/2016 08:06

Sounds perfect. Have a great day

BikeRunSki · 30/10/2016 08:07

There's a bit of paperwork to sign after the vows, so you need to allow for that before going straight into party.

Also, 5/6 pm is quite late for the celebrant to be working - when we got married (Derbyshire County Council 16 years ago though!) the registrars didn't work after 12 noon on Saturdays. And there had certain times furvweddings, certain times for registering births etc. Obviously might be different for Humanists (our dcs Welcomings were both On Sat pm), presume no vicars involved from the description of your venue.

GinIsIn · 30/10/2016 08:08

Well, that is a reception, just an informal one, but it sounds great!

No reception would be saying your vows then immediately buffering off, no party of any kind!

MrEBear · 30/10/2016 08:11

Surely you would need to provide food at some point? If you get married at 5/6 so presumably people will be getting ready / travelling from 3/4 when are you proposing they eat?
If it's the speeches you want to cut you could easily do that or just have one from the groom or your dad, thanking everyone from coming.

cloudyday99 · 30/10/2016 08:12

I think wedding venues would generally be fine with it, as long as you go for one that charges a fixed fee just for the venue hire and lets you sort the food separately.

The main downside would be no speeches, though if you brought everything forward an hour or so you could fit in a drinks reception and speeches

Other possible issues would be:

any elderly guests may not like it because they prefer to be sat down properly to eat
people may not talk much to those they don't already know (like they would if sat on a table with them)
you'll need to have everyone you want to come at the ceremony (and so a venue big enough to accommodate them) as you won't really have just evening guests.

On the plus side it will save you quite a bit on costs and may be popular with younger guests and families with small children who find a long sit down meal different.

It was something we considered but didn't go for in the end, because of the issues advice. We did instead keep the reception meal as short as possible (only 2 course, coffee outside informally afterwards) with more evening food later with cake cutting also later with evening guests.

DiegeticMuch · 30/10/2016 08:12

Sounds like fun. No tedious standing around for the guests. Brilliant! Can I come? !

In the absence of speeches, make sure that you and DH get round to speaking to everyone individually, to thank them for attending. Or take over the DJ's mic for two minutes together, to give a very brief and informal speech.

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