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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.... to not want a reception at my wedding?

64 replies

Bellyrub1980 · 30/10/2016 07:54

My perfect wedding is this...

I (the bride!) arrive at the venue (a large one room venue, like a hall of some kind) with my dad and bridesmaids at around 5/6PM. All the guests are there (day and evening guests, in a 'traditional' sense) We have the ceremony. Then, straight after saying the vows it immediately turns into a huge party with a band, buffet, hog roast etc. Briefly interrupted by the first dance, cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet and all that jazz.

But no formal reception with speeches.

What's the general consensus? Because this is what I'd reallly like and I'm getting some funny looks when I suggest it to people IRL.

Also, would wedding venues be up for this idea???

OP posts:
Eevee77 · 30/10/2016 08:13

That is a reception. Do it

NotYoda · 30/10/2016 08:14

MrEBear

she said buffet and hog roast

WipsGlitter · 30/10/2016 08:14

Sounds like a normal wedding to me!

ConvincingLiar · 30/10/2016 08:14

We had latest possible ceremony, drinks and photos, bbq and singer, cake cutting, band and cake and cheese. No speeches, no formal meal (no traditional top table but did have seating plan), no first dance. We had a lovely time and everyone else appeared to. Cut out whatever formal stuff you don't like.

Bythepath · 30/10/2016 08:21

We got married at 5pm (latest allowed as was October and in some old church law have to be married before dusk so you can see who you are marrying and not be tricked, may be different for civil service though). We then went straight to venue which was about 50m away and straight into drinks, food and dancing. No separate evening guests and no formal photos, our friend was the photographer and he took the few family/group ones we wanted straight after the service in about 5 minutes.
We did have short speeches during the meal and it was a reception it was just we got married late in the day so just went straight into it. The thing I hate most about weddings is waiting around for hours with no food or drinks between parts of the day/when endless photos taken and so we were both keen to avoid it.

We had good reports from friends and family who enjoyed it (although they would say that!). Do what you want it's your wedding.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/10/2016 08:21

I would say that IS a reception. And sounds fine to me. As for speeches, they are mostly tedious - for dd's do I begged her to limit them to 5 mins each. Have sat through so many endless, boring wafflers...

The only thing I'd say is, do have enough seating, esp. for anyone getting on a bit, and do make sure the music is not so deafening that anyone not dancing can't have a conversation without literally shouting at the other person. (Speaking from experience here, SiL and I had to go outside in the drizzle in order to have any conversation at all.)

Normandy144 · 30/10/2016 08:23

That's a reception though! Not having a reception would be wedding ceremony and then everyone disappearing after that concluded.

The only thing that would be odd is if you cut it short I.e if the dancing finishes at 8 or 9pm as most would expect to be out for the full evening.

diddl · 30/10/2016 08:23

Sounds great to me, although as a pp said, it would be nice to have an eating drinking area & a dancing area imo.

Hobbes8 · 30/10/2016 08:27

My wedding was pretty similar to this. I got married in a rowing club - it was licenced for weddings but more of a party venue. We had a short ceremony in the main room, then out onto the balcony for drinks and canapés while they put tables out, then back into the main room for a BBQ buffet and then a disco. No speeches or table plan. It was pretty relaxed.

The only thing about not having a first dance is that people were expecting one. So no one was dancing, and when we went up to dance to get people started, everyone gathered round and watched. So our first dance was some awkward twerking to Hey Ya by Outkast.

I think that's avoidable if people know what's going on though.

galaxygirl45 · 30/10/2016 08:28

Sounds great - the last wedding we went to was absolute torture. It was lovely for the B & G and their immediate family but for the rest of the guests, it was standing around in room after room waiting for photos to finish. Yours sounds lovely in comparison, and there's no right or wrong with weddings, it should be individual and all about you and your groom. My mum is a florist and she's said quite a few times that people are much less formal about weddings these days.

Fluffsnuts · 30/10/2016 08:29

We went to a wedding like this. Was great. Only bug bear was not enough seats, so some people didn't get to sit down all evening (once people have 'set up' at a table they don't move).

Also, to be legal, a wedding in England and Wales has to be completed and register signed by 6pm.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 30/10/2016 08:32

The rule use to be that weddings had to take place before 6pm but I've just googled it and it looks like that's changed and they can be anytime now. You would have to check that the place you want the wedding is registered as a wedding venue so that its legal and check that the registrar or whoever officiates would be prepared to do so at your chosen time. Otherwise it sounds great to me.

SellFridges · 30/10/2016 08:42

We got married at 2:45pm and that was the latest appointment on a Saturday.

user1477282676 · 30/10/2016 08:43

That's what I had basically. Best way...never understood the need for a marathon day!

iwanttobemissmarple · 30/10/2016 08:45

Sounds lovely- but you definitely need seating dotted around with some small tables maybe?

Also very rude to not say thank you to your guests- just doesn't need to be a full on speech. I had a party last year I HATE speaking so literally stood up & garbled out Thank You for coming.

ANewStartOverseas · 30/10/2016 08:46

Sounds similar to what we did.
You do need to check that you can get married in that place. As an alternative you can have the hall and the place where you get married very close together (ours were about 3mins walk from each other).

herecomesthsun · 30/10/2016 08:49

We got married in church, I think it was about 3pm. We had candles inside, as light was falling, and lots of holly/ivy/ Xmas decorations as it was the Saturday before Xmas.

We cut the cake in the church immediately after the wedding - there was a huge amount of cake, and mulled wine and soft drinks, so people were milling around happily while we had a few photos.

We had a party with a lot of food, including warm options, in a bar afterwards. Mainly a load (really quite a lot) of very nice canapes handed round, but also a rather sumptuous display on the side of cheese and fruit for a "dessert".

I didn't want a sit down party as I had lost my parents a few years before and it would have been too sad to have a top table without them, to be honest.

We had a live band and the wine flowed, and people seemed very happy.

FinderofNeedles · 30/10/2016 08:50

Sounds fine in principle. Just a few details to sort out, like giving the venue time to set out the buffet. Do they have 2 rooms, or a big room with a folding wall / curtains?

Have you factored in any time for photos?

Joinourclub · 30/10/2016 08:50

Do whatever makes you happy! It is only polite to thank people for coming and everyone will want to toast the bride and groom, but there is no need for multiple speeches , readings or a formal sit down dinner. You probably will need the best man to act as a bit if an MC and let people know what is going on ie announce 'and now time to dance, the hog roast will be at six over there'

herecomesthsun · 30/10/2016 08:50

Re seats, there were plenty of seats/ sofas/ armchairs all over the place, but not formal seating.

Re speeches, we had some shortish informal ones.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/10/2016 08:52

You have just described a reception, you want miss out the wedding breakfast.

metaphoricus · 30/10/2016 08:53

It sounds perfect to me.

Ronagtl · 30/10/2016 09:04

I;d suggest checking all legalities with local registrar- we had to have no alcohol in the room when the wedding ceremony itself was happening. Because ours was around a lunch in one room, as the registrars came in, the waiters waltzed the booze out the other door. Bit annoying as we werent told until the day itself, but our guest group was teeny so do-able.

Yuckky · 30/10/2016 09:10

Sounds brilliant and there is nothing wrong with it at all. speeches are really dull

My suggestion is that you don't ask anyone else in RL and just do it. I would mention it in the invites though so people aren't sitting around waiting for speeches.

Have a great day.

mummytime · 30/10/2016 09:14

Okay problems I can see:
a) some people like to sit and eat, especially elderly, infirmed and parents (especially of toddlers)
b) some people might not want the loud music, but would like to congratulate you (similar groups to above)
c) speeches at their most basic give an opportunity to thank people for the effort they have put in - it's nice and good manners
d) are you going to have photos? This is often the dead bit of time for guests.

But do it how you want - just think about whether these issues apply to you and how you would solve them.