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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not make an effort with my appearance when clothes shopping

55 replies

TequilaSetAWatchman · 22/10/2016 13:54

On Thursday I had the day off and DH had a dentist appointment in a nearby town so I went with him so I could run some errands. I'd just thrown on some (old) chinos, a hoodie and trainers and was wearing no make up. I didn't do my hair so it was probably a bit messy. I finished my jobs before he was done so popped in a few upmarket boutiques to pass the time. As it happened there wasn't anything I liked, but I was looking for something for a wedding next weekend, so would have bought if I'd seen something good.

In Whistles, I noticed the shop assistant look me up and down with a disgusted look on her face. I was mostly amused by her blatency - I don't really care what she thought. But it did remind me of a time in Reiss a couple of years ago, where I was dressed similarly and got the same snotty look. (That time I was shopping for a new work wardrobe and turned on my heel and promptly went down the road to another shop where the assistant was happy to help, and I ended up spending quite a lot there. I haven't set foot in Reiss since.)

It did make me wonder whether I should generally make more of an effort on the rare occasions when I go into nice clothes shops. I scrub up ok if I put the effort in, but frankly if it's just me and DH and I'm not expecting to see anyone I know I can't be bothered to dress nicely or do hair and make-up. Is that normal?

OP posts:
Smartleatherbag · 22/10/2016 13:57

Well, they are losing sales by judging, aren't they? Fwiw, the wealthiest people I've met over my lifetime dress like tramps Grin

MyGiddyUncle · 22/10/2016 13:59

It's the Pretty Woman phenomenon.

Do it - go in again, dressed to the nines and laden with bags from other boutiques and ask if they work on commission Grin

elQuintoConyo · 22/10/2016 13:59

How very Pretty Woman.

Fuck 'em.

TaterTots · 22/10/2016 14:07

I wouldn't give a damn what an assistant thought - but if I'm buying nice clothes I tend to make sure if I've done my hair and put a bit of slap on, purely to get a better idea of what the clothes will look like. Otherwise I'll try something on and won't be able to decide if it's the garment or my face I don't like Grin

Joolsy · 22/10/2016 14:09

It's their loss....if you go in boutiques you obviously can afford to shop in there, so what does it matter what you look like?

HappinessLivesHere · 22/10/2016 14:15

If I'm specifically clothes shopping I tend to wear my best fitting jeans & a white vest with some jumper/cardi over the top just so I can get a better idea of how it would look. As for the snooty shop assistant I'd be tempted to buy something expensive to prove a point. And return at a later date ;-)

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 22/10/2016 14:18

The last thing that would make me want to do is spend my money there, either while dressed as I am or at a later date when I'm more scrubbed up!

WorraLiberty · 22/10/2016 14:18

Whenever I read these threads, I always wonder how much of it is all in the OPs minds.

If you feel underdressed for certain places then it's natural to imagine you're getting looks from other people.

In reality, I don't imagine anyone really notices or cares half as much as the person in question.

christinarossetti · 22/10/2016 14:23

The main reason I shop online is that I find the whole personnel thing in shops so stressful. The fake 'hello, how are you todays?', the leaping saying 'ooohhh that really suits your colouring' if you hold something up I'm the mirror and the general presence of shop assistants really puts me off browsing.

I would usually try to look a bit smart - or at least not scruffy - if going shopping, and it probably does make a difference to how people respond to you, and how you feel about yourself

pigsDOfly · 22/10/2016 14:31

Having been in some quite expensive shops in the past where someone has been trying on clothes and has left the changing rooms stinking of sweat, I think the least anyone can do before leaving the house is to comb their hair.

Not sure going out looking extra scruffy is necessarily something to take pride in but given how many poster have claimed, on other threads, to regularly go shopping or on the school run in their nightwear maybe I'm in the minority.

TataEs · 22/10/2016 14:32

i usually wear trackies and baggy tshirt if i'm serious clothes shopping. they're quick and easy to change in and out of in changing rooms, and i don't want to be worried and messing up my hair or getting make up on clothes i'm trying on! i've definitely had 'the look' too Hmm

NavyandWhite · 22/10/2016 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhTheRoses · 22/10/2016 14:38

Difficult. If I'm going out to buy specifically for an occasion I do tend to wear similar underwear/shoes/tights to what I'd wear with it. I never, ever go out with dirty hair or at least a bit of makeup. That doesn't make their attitude acceptable .

mumofthemonsters808 · 22/10/2016 14:57

The only time I would go out in the clothes you described would be to walk the dog, do some gardening or go to the gym. I wouldn't dream of going shopping dressed like that, but each to their own. It does not excuse the shop assistants snarls, are you sure they were not in your head though ?, sometimes if you feel self conscious about something you see what you want.

Original poster
TequilaSetAWatchman · 22/10/2016 15:01

Thanks for the responses. I see the point it makes sense to dress up to get an idea what the clothes will look like.

I was clean, washed and definitely did not smell by the way. I never comb my hair - I have curly hair so if I comb it when it's dry it will turn it into a frizzball.

OP posts:
NowtSalamander · 22/10/2016 15:09

This is pretty much what I look like every time I go shopping, I will wear my oldest comfiest clothes and no make up etc. I've been in and out of the poshest stores in London and never had anything other than politeness from shop workers. Could it be that you were feeling a bit out of place yourself and misjudged a reaction? I know when I'm feeling underdressed at social functions I always feel people are looking!

IsFeidirLiom · 22/10/2016 15:10

Two shop assistants must have thrown seriously theatrical faces if you were so clearly being mocked.

I hate looking like shit shopping as it's the one day you will repeatedly look at yourself in the mirror.

I went into jigsaw looking absolutely deranged with my 6 Month old. I was desperate for an outfit to wear to his baptism. She couldn't have been nicer. I was the worst version of a messy mammy. She even offered to hold the baby when he started roaring while I was in he changing room.

If someone looked down their nose at me on those bad days I'd be livid!

TheWitTank · 22/10/2016 15:14

I agree Worra. I also think a lot of this "she looked at me in disgust" and "she looked me up and down" only exist in the mind of the person who thinks they look crappy or underdresssed. A glance over combined with a resting bitch face (or short sighted squint in my case) can come across to an overactive imagination as a dirty look or a judgement. I bet 99.9% of shop staff couldn't give a rats arse and don't think anything beyond what money is going through the till, if that.
I go in shops frequently in gym gear/jodhpurs, nobody seems to bat an eyelid. Or I don't give enough of a shit to care what a random person I don't know thinks anyway.

BelladiNotte · 22/10/2016 15:19

Oh, I had this! I'd had a kitchen accident (think 3rd degree burns to a foot) had been to hospital to have it dressed, so went wedding clothes shopping with my sis, wearing grubby bandages and old flat sandals and limping. I was mother of the bridegroom, thought £100 ish for clothes, and of course, there was a hat to buy...
In the 'boutique' shops we visited along the high street, there were audible sniffs, being ignored, or directed to the 'reduced' rail.
Definitely judged on my appearance.
Their loss.
(Finally bought from a shop selling designer French knitted stuff, bought my hat from there also and a fab pair of shoes - once the bandages were off). They knew me from before my accident - and knew I was a good spenderSmile
Generally, tho, it's daft to judge on appearances these days, tho it's still prevalent.

BelladiNotte · 22/10/2016 15:23

£100 ish? A zero went missing there. £ 1,000 ish I meant

FindoGask · 22/10/2016 15:26

"Whenever I read these threads, I always wonder how much of it is all in the OPs minds."

Same. I know someone who quite often seems to tell stories involving other women giving her funny look, either mocking or disgusted or whatever. One story involved a woman openly laughing at her thighs on a beach. I think it's totally in her head, she's an attractive woman of average size who just happens to be very self-conscious.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 22/10/2016 15:29

The shop assistant was behaving badly, and unprofessionally, if she looked at u with anything other than a helpful, welcoming smile, plain and simple!

I've had this, and try to assume they're just having a bad day, or suffer from resting bitch face :-). Once tho, in a posh ski resort, the assistant in a shop followed me around a busy shop, and asked if I had finished looking yet! I was in outdoor wear, and my 2DC teenagers were there too, and I think in her book, that made us some sort of gang! At some point her male boss appeared, and watched us from the till, gravely.
I managed v well to ignore her increasing irritation that we were still there (she never quite got to actually asking us to leave), and ultimately we spent about £50 - not a huge sum to them perhaps, but plenty of people were leaving without spending anything (it had REALLY nice stuff, so I didn't feel like stalking out :-D).
The reason for this long ramble is that, if she had just looked at me, I would have thought I was maybe imagining it, but her words showed, that sometimes, that snotty looking shop assistant, really doesn't like u in the shop, but ultimately, it doesn't matter one bit what she thinks :-).

Myusernameismyusername · 22/10/2016 15:30

This happened to me I now Topshop. I was in there spending a lot of money for my daughters birthday, it was otherwise empty so was disgusting to be treated like that by a 19 year old shop girl because I hadn't made a glam effort to go into shops (rushing, raining outside). I have to make a lot of effort for work so don't always on the weekend

I won't go back there ever again

Myusernameismyusername · 22/10/2016 15:32

For the doubters, it was pretty unhidden in my case. She actually made a noise of disgust after looking me up and down and rolling her eyes. It has never happened to me before but I wasn't imagining it

kiki22 · 22/10/2016 15:32

I regularly take my gran to john Lewis my style is quite different from your average john Lewis clientele more a pair of vans skinnys and a hoodie add the 2 kids and a pram I get some funny looks. They are right about me to be fair I cant afford to shop there Grin