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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not get smashing things with Cancer written on them?

39 replies

Bogeyface · 14/10/2016 23:03

Just seen it on The Last Leg.

Dont get me wrong, I think fundraising for research into treatments for cancer is a great thing, happy to raise money for that, especially given how many people in my family have been taken by it.

But I dont understand the point of smashing something up. Do the smashers up donate when they do it? If they do then greatm but from what I can see they just do a "making a point" smashing of a melon or whatever and then nominate someone else.

I dont see the point.

I realise I will probably be flamed but we have a family member who fought and fought so hard to live, but cancer killed her, and she hated shit like this. She felt that by implying cancer was a thing you could shout at, beat up and win against, it also implied that anyone who lost that battle was somehow weak. Probably that is colouring my view on this.

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 14/10/2016 23:05

I agree with you

Nicknacky · 14/10/2016 23:06

My mum died this week from cancer. It's annoyed me and I'm hoping it doesn't become the latest Facebook thing. Totally pointless.

stonecircle · 14/10/2016 23:07

I also agree with you. I also hate to see food wasted.

Dontpanicpyke · 14/10/2016 23:07

No totally agree. Cancer consumed my darling mil and o dislike the attitude that all cancer sufferers need to find raise, blog, be brave or live a bucket list. It's great that some do but it's equally valid to quietly accept situations and spend time with family

NaomiCole · 14/10/2016 23:07

I guess people feel like they need to DO something. Makes them feel less powerless about something scary. You won't catch me at it - I'll do a race for life and give sponsorship to cancer research instead. I like running. :-)

Purpleprickles · 14/10/2016 23:11

Hate it too, that "cancer we're coming to get you" ad really annoys me for the same reasons. Sadly for some they it isn't something that can be "got" or beaten.

Purpleprickles · 14/10/2016 23:13

Nicknacky I'm really sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Bogeyface · 14/10/2016 23:15

Nick I am so sorry Flowers

I remember Adam Hills ranting at cancer a couple of years ago and while I appreciate the strength of feeling of wanting to be able to rid the world of it, shouting at it doesnt help! My relative shouted, a lot. She cried and ranted and raved but it didnt make a difference because cancer hasnt got eyes and ears and a soul, it doesnt listen or see or care, it just kills and sometimes we kill it and sometimes we dont. She got so upset at th eimplication that it was a battle and that if she fought hard enough she would win. She fought like a tiger, believe me and it wasnt enough.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 14/10/2016 23:16

Purple, thank you. Maybe I'm noticing it more than usual but the advertisement/fundraising whatever is everywhere. There was even leaflets on the tables in B&Q cafe that I had to move.

Clearly it's not a bad thing to fundraiser but it's so in your face for sufferers and families.

JenLindleyShitMom · 14/10/2016 23:17

Another one here who doesn't get it.

I hate how cancer has been made into a person and how people are expected to "stand up" to cancer. It's an illness. Like MS or Alzheimer's or diabetes.

Nicknacky · 14/10/2016 23:17

Bogey, thank you and you are exactly right in what you say.

Greensleeves · 14/10/2016 23:18

My 75yo dad is between chemo cycles for an aggressive lymphoma at the moment; having been absolutely fine a month ago on holiday in Ireland with us and his partner and our children, hill-walking and playjng music in pubs until the small hours, he's now stick-thin, grey, shaking and confused. This whole "kick cancer where it hurts" ethic just doesn't match my experience of the reality at all. So far there seems to be a lot of waiting, and coping with pain, and fear, and uncertainty, and more waiting. And my dad is (was) the most vital, extraordinary, kick-the-arse-out-of-life man I've ever known. So I agree with you OP. Smashing a melon/plate/cake doesn't seem terribly relevant.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 14/10/2016 23:26

I have never felt happy with the anthropomorphisation (sp?) of cancer, as you say, its suggest that if you stand up to the bully then the bully will go away. Which then further suggests that if you die, you didnt stand up to it, which is bollocks. I have never heard of anyone saying "Oh well thats that then" on a diagnosis, everyone I know who has had cancer has thrown everything available to them at the disease.

OP posts:
LucyBabs · 14/10/2016 23:32

I have a "friend" who thankfully recovered from cancer a few years ago, it irritates the shit out of me how she apparently was sooooo strong and courageous and brave and this is what helped her beat cancer. Oh right so my Mam who loved life, lived every second to the full but found herself with terminal cancer wasn't brave enough/strong enough to beat cancer?! Thanks Sad

Original poster
Bogeyface · 14/10/2016 23:39

That fucking sucks Lucy, and I know exactly what you mean. Its an insult to everyone who "loses" to cancer.

Everyone I have known who has had it has been brave, courageous and strong, whether they lived or died.

OP posts:
Itmustbemyage · 14/10/2016 23:43

Totally agree. What makes cancer specially deserving of such rhetoric, should people just accept Alzheimer's, heart disease, kidney failure or other terrible diseases or illness and only fight cancer?
News Flash - Cancer Cells don't watch TV or YouTube they don't care if you take part in walks or smash things up.
My dad died of lung cancer and he thought all this "fighting talk" was bo....ks and he lived for two years after being told he had six months, so he probably would have been someone who was held up as a great example of someone who fought cancer.

HelenaDove · 15/10/2016 00:52

This winds me up no end. Its an illness not a war.

But there is something else which really gets to me. Earlier this week there was a short film on after the Channel 4 news about a young woman with an aggressive form of breast cancer. One of the treatments is steroids which has made her gain weight.

Last week NHS Harrogate were the second area to put out a statement saying they would make obese patients wait six months to be treated,

what if your obesity has been caused by a treatment that is no fault of your own.

And they arent the only ones. A statement from Breast Cancer Care included being overweight as being one of the possible contributory causes to cancer.

So if people see a woman being treated for cancer around and she happens to be overweight some may think she got cancer because of her lifestyle

When the fact is its the treatment that may have caused her weight to go up.

If we are going to do these campaigns its time to be a bit more responsible with the information that is put out there and stop omitting that some of the problems are caused by the treatment of the illness.

With all these press releases on obesity (we seem to get at least one a month) ive never seen a caveat on the end of any of these articles about how in a lot of cases its caused by medication.

Its irresponsible

If (God forbid) i ever get ill steroids WILL be refused. Ive lost a great deal of weight which was hard bloody work (my weight wasnt caused by meds) but i dont want to go there again for any reason.

They want to moan about weight. Well with me they would have to put their money where their mouth is.

HelenaDove · 15/10/2016 01:16

Nick So sorry for your loss Thanks

Dontpanicpyke · 15/10/2016 01:20

Totally yes agree all the posts and so sorry for all the losses. Flowers

BummyMummy77 · 15/10/2016 01:21

Nicknacky Flowers

KittensWithWeapons · 15/10/2016 01:43

I couldn't agree more. Cancer has taken both of my Dad's parents, his sister (at thirty fucking nine) and his brother. They fucking fought to beat it and died anyway. Horrible, painful, undignified deaths. They 'stood up' to cancer and it killed them anyway. I have an Aunt who's breast cancer is in remission. She hates the 'fight cancer, crush cancer' rhetoric. I remember her breaking down and saying that she was so exhausted with fighting, with staying positive, with having to slap on a smile and 'battle' her disease. She wanted to cry, and be frightened, and fall apart a bit. She wanted to be allowed to be fucking terrified.

KittensWithWeapons · 15/10/2016 01:45

I'm very sorry for your loss, Nicknacky

HelenaDove · 15/10/2016 01:46

Kittens Thanks

DHs mum died of breast cancer in 1973. She was only 46.

DH was 23 when they lost her.

bippitybopityboo · 15/10/2016 02:36

I think the whole point of it is to raise money to help with research into finding a cure or treatments to help. All of the money raised by stand up to cancer goes into cancer research. The ice bucket challenge raised so much money, this smashing melons thing I believe they are hoping to be something like that?

My dad is currently fighting a lymphoma relapse which has come back very aggressively and I honestly think ANY fund raising that is going to help towards finding a decent cure for cancer is a good thing how could it not be Confused

bippitybopityboo · 15/10/2016 02:38

I think this is only my opinion as my dad does feel as though it's a war, thats the attitude he believes got him into remission the 1st time so hope it's the same again!