To think my OH is pretending not to know stuff?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

We were outside looking at the night sky and I said 'look, there's the Plough'. To which he replies 'what?' 'You know, constellations?' 'I don't know that that is...'

Looking at something that happened during the civil war. Him 'what's that then?' 'When Oliver Cromwell abolished the monarchy? Roundheads and Cavaliers?' 'Dunno any of that'. 'Didn't you do it at school?' 'I dunno. Probably'.

I no longer know if he does know and doesn't care, or just doesn't know. He seems to have a tiny, tiny field of interest (cars) and anything else it's just a shrug and 'I dunno'. Do you think he might be putting it on to stop me talking?

I guess it depends what his level of general knowledge/education is.

I recognise some constellation names but I wouldn't be able to pick them out in the sky

I know a couple of things about the civil war but not that much.

If you have mentioned civil war I would have asked what it was too

By his own admission he didn't really listen at school. But so much of what he seems to 'blank' on is stuff I'd think was just general knowledge. I mean, everyone knows what a constellation is, don't they? He's not stupid or anything, he just seems to pretend a very very low level of knowledge of anything he's not interested in. Or is he pretending? It's bloody hard work, we can't have much of a conversation....

Unless he is Sherlock Holmes and has deliberately got rid of all the useless information in order to fit in more stuff that he might need, YANBU.

But soubriquet you know what 'a constellation' is, even if you can't name one? He didn't appear to understand the word.

Has he always been this way, or have you just noticed it? I would find it hard to be with someone with such narrow interests.

That sounds very frustrating. I can definitely understand not being able to recognise the constellations or not really knowing what went on in the civil war. But not having heard of those things is odd. Do you think he could feel self conscious that you have a higher level of general knowledge than him and being acting like this out of embarrassment?

How long have you known him? My DH had a very poor upbringing where school wasn't considered important and he wouldn't have been exposed to things like constellations in everyday talk at home. He never left his home town until he was in his 20s not even to visit the slightly larger town with lots of facilities not found in his town literally next door! Therefore it doesn't come as a surprise to me when he doesn't know things.

I work with a guy who whenever anyone mentions anything he doesn't know about, says loudly how stupid and pointless it is. Like if someone is talking about a book he hasn't read, he'll say, "I don't care about literature, I think it's a waste of time..." With him it's obviously insecurity.

we can't have much of a conversation....
That's all you need to know and understand.
You aren't compatible.
Find someone you have more in common with.
Do you want to spend the next few years learning about and discussing cars!!?????
No thanks.

I think you have it right, Zaphod, OH is just not interested in your choice of subject. Has he had a crisis of confidence recently?

My DH is like this. I spent our first year together frequently asking him if he was an alien who'd just arrived on this planet. I had to explain Noah and the bloody Ark to him! He has an interesting brain filter that means unless it relates to his work or his hobbies pretty much nothing else gets remembered. At times it can really get me down because I feel like things I say are a low priority against lots of other things, because my things don't get remembered. And sometimes, like this weekend, it's quite expensive, because he was supposed to keep some bits from our garden to re-use (we're re-landscaping) but he buried them at the bottom of the skip because he forgot. They're now under two tons of concrete and soil...🙄 Bizarrely, however, any time he sees any kind of horse-related program on the tv, he always remembers to record it for me...

I tend to do this because I'm embarrassed that I don't know basic stuff. It's easier just to shrug it off than have to listen to 'YOU HAVENT HEARD OF A CONSTELLATION?!?'

I've not heard of the Civil War. I don't know why I don't know this stuff, I did okay at school but can't remember much of it. I can remember the number plate of every car I have owned (a lot) and friends' and family's number plates too. Useless information, basically.

Unfortunately yes. My guess is he's trying to shut you up or just not listening.

In his own little world thinking about cars or something. Hears you talking, you ask a question - his standard reply is "I dunno", Whatever the question.

Saying something like "Oh is it?" and pretending to be interested would be better if he really didn't know these things! I doubt he's not actually as dim as he's making out if.

Some people just aren't that interested in the world around them.

I met someone who at 25 thought that the sun went round the earth rather than the other way about. I was a bit stunned.

Now of course you can go through life quite happily not knowing anything about basic astronomy or basic history but it's not someone that I'd personally be able to share my life with.

I would think that their conversation and outlook must be quite limited.

My DH is my best friend, it's important to me to be able to talk to him in an equal level. Not everyone be feels the same way though so you need to decide where your own line is.

Do you remember all the stuff they fill your head with in school?

What are enharmonic equivalents?

Why water is different from the vast majority of other substances?

What is bronze made of?

What is the densest substance known?

In which castle was Mary Queen of Scots imprisoned?

Which words have all five vowels in order?

That sounds really annoying. On the other hand, my husband knows EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what that tree is when DS asks him, he confidently answers "oak" (it wasn't). If DD asks him a question about the solar system which he has no knowledge of at all, he has no qualms putting together a BS answer that doesn't hold together. That's pretty annoying too.

I must admit that I only know a bit about the civil war because I'm interested in history and have read a biography of Charles II. I wasn't taught about it at school.

However, I do find it weird when someone is almost completely incurious about the world about them.

Incidentally, my DP and I like to do cryptic crosswords together. DP is better at spotting anagrams and puns, but my general knowledge is far superior: lots of times DP has never heard of the thing or person in a clue. Should I LTB?

I was incurious about history (who people were, dates, significant events). The only thing I was fascinated by in history was how different day-to-day living was from now.

Education is rather more than 'all the stuff they fill your head with at school'. My geography is really crap but I'm embarrassed about that. History, and how we got here, matters.

How in hell's name can someone of 25 think the sun goes round the earth?

My partner goes on and on about sodding cars but he does actually know about other stuff as well.

Is this a recent thing or has he always been like this?

I'd find that really annoying tbh. Either he is ignorant to the point that it's virtually impossible to have an interesting conversation with him, or he's trying to shut you up. Neither is great, is it? My 8 year-old knows about constellations and the Civil War (and has done for a couple of years).

But those aren't the equivalent types of question, wanderings. OP isn't asking her OH to point out the Pleiades or discuss the propositions in the Treaty of Uxbridge.

This is more like OP's OH is claiming never to have heard of water, bronze, density, Mary Queen of Scots or vowels at all.

I know someone like that, but with her, she likes to pretend she has NEVER EVER EVER EVEN HEARD of anything that might be considered lowbrow.

Take Eastenders, for example. Plenty of people don't watch it, but I'm pretty sure most of them would at least know it's a TV show, or be able to work it out from contextual clues in the conversation. This person would be all "East----what? No, never heard of it at all, I can't possibly imagine what you are talking about", with the undertone that she is far more superior than you with your trashy common habits like watching TV.

She seems to think it makes her a "considerably better than yau" person. It doesn't, it just makes her a nasty snob. It's quite tiring to be on the receiving end though, because you can't exactly prove she has heard of the thing you are talking about!