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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my OH is pretending not to know stuff?

127 replies

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/10/2016 14:35

We were outside looking at the night sky and I said 'look, there's the Plough'. To which he replies 'what?' 'You know, constellations?' 'I don't know that that is...'

Looking at something that happened during the civil war. Him 'what's that then?' 'When Oliver Cromwell abolished the monarchy? Roundheads and Cavaliers?' 'Dunno any of that'. 'Didn't you do it at school?' 'I dunno. Probably'.

I no longer know if he does know and doesn't care, or just doesn't know. He seems to have a tiny, tiny field of interest (cars) and anything else it's just a shrug and 'I dunno'. Do you think he might be putting it on to stop me talking?

OP posts:

MaQueen · 10/10/2016 16:32

I was chatting with a 20-something recently who had never heard of Latin. Had no idea what, or who it was. She also thought that "all Indian people are Muslims" and was genuinely stunned to discover that someone from India could perhaps be a Christian.

She worked in middle management.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 10/10/2016 16:35

GinAndOnIt, have you heard of Oliver Cromwell? King Charles I getting his head chopped off? Roundheads and Cavaliers? That's the English Civil War, and I would bet good money that the three things I've just mentioned are about as much as your average English person knows about it.

I agree, though, with most of the other people posting here. It's not really the not knowing, it's the total lack of interest in finding out that's the problem. I can understand being bored with what was taught at school, but what was the OP's partner learning about instead? Just cars? I would find it very, very dull and frustrating to spend time with somebody who only knew about one thing and didn't want to know about anything else.

ChequeOff · 10/10/2016 16:36

wanderings

OP, is your OH from the same culture as you?

A few years ago, I was in Jerusalem with some friends and we were talking about going to the Western Wall. My boyfriend at the time said "What's the Western Wall". Well, he might as well have said "I killed a puppy with my bare hands this morning" given the looks of shocked horror on some of the others faces.

But why should he have known though? He wasn't familiar with Jerusalem and nor was he Jewish. And he was a very intelligent bright guy. Just hadn't heard of the Western Wall.

I don't think having gaps in your general knowledge makes you thick. But if it bothers you OP, or can't tell if he's pulling your leg, then as a pp said you're probably not compatible.

GinAndOnIt · 10/10/2016 16:36

Good to know how dim and unattractive we are, hey dorothy?

BowieFan · 10/10/2016 16:37

My DP can be like this sometimes. He does know stuff but his brain jumps to different things before the obvious answer.

If I mentioned Civil War to him, the first thing that would jump into his mind would be the one from Marvel comics. Then the American, then the Spanish one. Then he'd eventually get round to the English one.

I've given up trying to get his brain to work normally. He can talk your ear off about planes, helicopters and guns (i.e. the things he does in his job) and he must be fairly intelligent because he knows how to fly helicopters, it's just that in other subjects his mind does somersaults. That said, I'm still trying to get him to pronounce "cinnamon" right after 20 years. (No, DP, it is not cimmanon.)

treaclesoda · 10/10/2016 16:39

That would annoy me TBH. I get not knowing about a historical event, but I don't understand how you could not know of it.

Mind you, I fell foul of a thread similar to this a few years back when posters were saying that they couldn't believe that someone would never have heard of an Eleanor Cross. I had never heard of one until that thread, despite being well educated, inquisitive and someone who reads a lot. So it's left me a bit wary of being shocked at someone else's lack of knowledge, having discovered that other people were shocked at mine 😂

AlpacaPicnic · 10/10/2016 16:43

Mr Alpaca recently confessed to me that he wasn't entirely convinced of the existence of outer space until someone put a go-pro onto a helium balloon and took a film of it floating up...
His trouble is almost that he's too curious about stuff but he only asks me. So anything I don't know at that moment, he kind of makes up as he goes along.
get the name of a minor character in Star Wars wrong though and it's research until dawn...

GinAndOnIt · 10/10/2016 16:43

Gasp I have heard of Oliver Cromwell, but I couldn't tell you anything about him. Likewise King Charles I. You could talk to me about them, and it might start ringing bells, and I would be interested (if I thought you weren't going to be patronising about it), but I would probably forget it all again.

I just really struggle to retain information on things like that.

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/10/2016 16:45

I remember reading a Sue Townsend piece, where she taught a writing course to a very English, middle class woman. Apparently she had never heard of Winnie the Pooh, and didn't recognise a description in any way. Suffice to say, she seemed utterly befuddled at this!

ChequeOff · 10/10/2016 16:46

Alpaca aww, that's sweet that Mr Alpaca sees you as the fountain of all knowledge.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2016 16:46

Well there you go gin you're not as dim as you thought

Seriously though, it's the not caring "dunno" stuff that would hack me off. There's a trillion things I don't know about but I like to learn and listen and find out

Rrross1ges · 10/10/2016 16:46

What are enharmonic equivalents?

What the what what?

Why water is different from the vast majority of other substances?

3 states a blah blah?

What is bronze made of?

Copper and another thing?

What is the densest substance known?

Me?

In which castle was Mary Queen of Scots imprisoned?
Erm. Was she sent to Coventry. There's no castle there. Maybe Warwick because it's nearby

Which words have all five vowels in order?

I think a French one.

Or a pokemon name.

I thought the Elgin marbles were marbles like the round things that kids play with. Never occurred to me that they were some sort of sculpture thing.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 10/10/2016 16:47

I think you're in a different category from the OP's partner then, Gin. You're not uninterested, just have a memory that works in a different way. I'm in my 50s and my memory for words and names is getting worse and worse with every year that passes, so I've got a lot of sympathy for that.

GinAndOnIt · 10/10/2016 16:48

But Bit as I said above, I will probably say 'dunno' half the time but not because I'm not interested, but because of patronising comments that follow when you dare to say you don't know about something simple.

It may be that OP's DH is just not interested, but I'm offering another perspective.

MaQueen · 10/10/2016 16:49

Some people just aren't that interested in the world. I have always read several books a week since I was at primary school, and have a retentive memory.

So, even if I say so myself, my general knowledge is pretty damned good. But I also want to learn new things too.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 10/10/2016 16:51

Sometimes I pretend I don't know stuff to bring an abrupt end to a boring conversation My mother would tell you I knew nothing about the Bible and my husband would tell you that I knew nothing about electrical installations. I know more than they will ever know and that's fine with me.

My brother is on to me, as much as I deny any knowledge of politics he is fucking relentless.

MaQueen · 10/10/2016 16:51

Oh, and Mary Queen of Scots was actually imprisoned in many different castles during her confinement. But she was finally executed at Fotheringhay Castle.

ChequeOff · 10/10/2016 16:52

Kondos I do the same

ChequeOff · 10/10/2016 16:53

But being an encyclopaedia of general knowledge doesn't actually make you and intelligent or interesting person though does it. It just means you have a good memory for acquired knowledge.

BowieFan · 10/10/2016 16:55

DP once said to me "I don't know how anyone can eat birds!" as he bit into a chicken wrap.

I mean, I know what he was saying. He was meaning birds like pigeons, pheasants and the like, but it was hilarious to me at the time because if you randomly overheard us you'd think there was something wrong with him.

liletsthepink · 10/10/2016 16:55

If someone said to me 'oh look there's the plough' I'd be looking for a pub sign!

MaQueen · 10/10/2016 16:55

Nah, I'm well intelligent too cheque and shit hot at pub quizes

RepentAtLeisure · 10/10/2016 16:55

I had an ex like that, but he was only that way when it was the two of us. When anyone else was around he was Mr Instant Expert on Everything Ever. In other words, he was a twat.

BowieFan · 10/10/2016 16:59

Kondos

I do the same. According to DH, I don't know how to change a tyre, wire a plug or why the Augusta Westland Seaking is superior to the UH-60 Black Hawk. Of course, I know how to do the first two things and feign ignorance so that he will do them for me and save me some time, and the third one is completely irrelevant for someone who has no intention of ever getting in a helicopter.

Actually, DP must be rubbing off on me a bit that I even remember the names of the helicopters...

Undersmile · 10/10/2016 17:01

It doesn't sound as though you're compatible. Do you have children? Beware- you may have very different ideas about how children should be raised.

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