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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother V baby led weaning

133 replies

Slackalice42 · 09/10/2016 19:28

PFB is now 4 months so I am starting to think about weaning (ebf). I heard about baby led weaning know nothing about it, so I ordered a book from Amazon and sat down to have a read (coincidentally while breast feeding the spawn). Much to my surprise this caused my Mother to completely go off on one! Classic quotes such as, 'You were weaned at 3 months' and , 'That baby is hungry how can you be so cruel?' WTF? Baby is on the 95 percentile, happy, chatty and sleeps 8 hours at night. Am I missing something? Any thoughts on where this is coming from? I tried explaining about the World Health Organisation and Department of Health Guidelines and her response was that this was , 'Total bullshit put out by bureaucratic fat cats'! WTF????

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 09/10/2016 19:31

Baby led weaning is new-speak for 'giving your baby finger foods' - it's not a term to get hung up about.

The guidelines for when to wean changed between by DS2 and DD - look for signs of readiness at about the 6 month point (rather than 16 weeks as it was for my older ones).

Aside from the slightly older age to start, nothing else has changed.

OonaLoona2 · 09/10/2016 19:34

Unfortunately people will always think/say what they did with their own children, 'it never done my baby any harm' etc. I'm sure in a few years when the advice has changed again we will say the same thing to others.
Do what's right for you and your baby, nod and smile at others advice and carry on as you were.
Also no, your baby doesn't sound starving. Doubt he would sleep 8 hours straight if he was!

Original poster

Slackalice42 · 09/10/2016 19:35

I got that from the book although wrapped up in a lot of twaddle! Just don't understand what has got my Mother so aerated! Also she should know me well enough by now that the more she objects the more likely I am to do it!

OP posts:

Tarla · 09/10/2016 19:37

The recommendation is nothing before six months but, in my experience, all babies are different so there are no hard and fast rules. Some will be showing signs of readiness at around and five/five and a half months whereas others won't until around seven months. DD was at seven months, she had zero interest until then so I didn't bother, DS2 was just under six months and DS1 was four months.

Don't get too hung up on a label or style, just start gradually and small. A little taste here and there rather than plunging in with three full meals a day. We did a mix of finger foods and mush depending on what we were offering and whether we were at home or out.

dontpokethebear · 09/10/2016 19:37

BLW is just finger food and it really worked with my lot. Just remember that not a lot goes in!
I hope you have a dog

ladylanky · 09/10/2016 19:39

People are fucking weird about what other people feed their children. If it's not breast/bottle feeding it's weaning or forcing chocolate on teeny babies. Nod, smile, ignore her. People eventually loose the obsession with what you feed em and it's got nowt to do with your mum

unimagmative13 · 09/10/2016 19:40

Is it Gill Rapleys book?

It's amazing best thing we've done- you will get family haters (just don't tell them)
You will also get people telling you it's a fad and just means finger foods (they obviously haven't weaned this way)

There are lots of really good Facebook support groups where people will talk about the hurdle of getting your family on board (and they have actual experience of weaning this way)

Good luck in whatever you do! And stick you your guns with the 6 months (although you may find its a little later if you want them to feed themselves)

Marmighty · 09/10/2016 19:41

Presumably when your mother was weaning you the guidelines said four months. Some grandparents just seem desperate to emulate things they did, probably to reassure themselves they did the right thing. My DM was desperate to give DD apple juice at five months

MrsJamin · 09/10/2016 19:42

My mum was very similar in her "it never did you any harm!" but I ignored her! I did baby led weaning, never spoon fed either ds1 or 2 and seriously, they are such a joy to cook for now they are 6 and 8, and just eat pretty much anything I give them or what we might order from a Restaurant. They are really adventurous with food and I put that down to blw as there is such a lovely relationship of trust built up by you all as a family eating the same food. They see you eat, and they trust that they can eat it too. Plus they build up a recognition of what something looks like to what it tastes and feels like in their mouth, you simply cannot build that knowledge up when everything looks like orange mush that mummy is not eating too!

Tarla · 09/10/2016 19:43

I think previous generations forget certain th8ngs about the early days, my DC are still only little (eldest is 7, youngest is 2) and even I've forgotten certain bits about their baby years. It's like how my DM swears we were all potty trained by age two but I've seen photos of us as toddlers that contradict it.

I remember when DS1 was small, for all we started out giving him mush at four months (on the doctor's advice) we were careful with what we gave him because he was only young. DH's stepfather took a huff one afternoon because we wouldn't let DS have Chinese food. His seven month old other grandson had been eating it and "loved it" so of course we were seen as being uptight in refusing to let DS have it too.

Sometimes you just have to smile and nod then do it your way regardless.

unimagmative13 · 09/10/2016 19:46

My parents are converted now- can't believe they didn't think of it!

My mum always says how great it is we don't have to do areoplanes!

ednabuckett · 09/10/2016 19:47

My MIL was on about rice something or other when my DD was just over 3 months and my own mother couldn't bear to watch me let my 6 month old feed herself a stick of broccoli! It half annoyed me and half made me laugh. They just aren't used to it! FWIW I did BLW twice and loved it. Talk about hassle fee weaning.

AuntieStella · 09/10/2016 19:48

"just means finger foods (they obviously haven't weaned this way)"

Actually, I did. And I suspect those who don't see it's the same obviously haven't paid attention to what's been done for generations.

It's the same thing, just with slightly different rhetoric to keep selling new books

Of 3 children , I have 2 great eaters and one fusspot. Nothing in this is a silver bullet or magic method for whole future relationship with food. It's just getting them to eat when they are ready.

Floridasunset · 09/10/2016 19:50

We are doing blw and it is going really well. I'm so glad we waited until 6 months and doing blw rather than pureeing.
Sometimes the older generation are unwilling to see why we do things differently from them. Things change over time, new research has been completed and therefore new guidelines are issued. Ultimately you have to do what you think is right and stick to your guns. Everyone will have an opinion but only yours and DP/DHs matters

LynetteScavo · 09/10/2016 19:50

Apparently I was cruel for not letting DS grab food off my plate at 4 months old (he was desperate for it and would cry and reach out for food) and also cruel for not potty training DD before she was 2. It turned out DM was right about that as DD was totally ready to come out of nappies

Oh, the cruel things we do to our children just because they are different to what granny did

Tarla · 09/10/2016 19:51

Same thought here AuntieStella! BLW is just finger foods, it's not the be all end all of weaning. My DC were given a mix of mush and finger foods. Sometimes they were spoon-fed, sometimes they fed themselves. Sometimes the mush was homemade, sometimes it was from a pouch/jar.

Strangely enough, all three eat normally, have good appetites, and will try anything put in front of them.

Noodledoodledoo · 09/10/2016 19:51

I did a mix, I am lazy and couldn't be bothered to clear up some of foods which would make a huge mess so I spoon fed, others which were less mess making I let her herself.

There is no right or wrong way, as with anything there are ardent fans on both sides.

I broke loads of the BLW 'rules' but my 2 year old just sat down and ate a normal roast dinner with us no issues and it has been the same for about the last 12 months.

I don't always do the they eat what you eat - it doesn't suit us sometimes as we do eat at different times due to husbands work life - we do eat together at weekends.

unimagmative13 · 09/10/2016 19:56

Is all food finger foods then?

SpeckledyBanana · 09/10/2016 19:59

Gill Rapley's book is great.

FWIW my (much older) sisters always wanted me to give DC1 a chip/ roast parsnip/ similar while I was still shovelling purees into him a la Annabel Karmel. After reading about BLW DC2 actually got them.

DC2's first meal was roast chicken with veg, roast potatoes and parsnips, as it was Christmas. She sidn't each much but looked like she was having fun

SpeckledyBanana · 09/10/2016 19:59

*didn't

53rdAndBird · 09/10/2016 20:08

I had family telling me I was mean, cruel, starving that baby etc etc etc for not starting food at 4 months. Baby was a perfectly content chunker built like the Michelin Man.

So my theory on this, since my family aren't usually batshit insane, was that they'd been taught to look out for different things as signs of readiness for food. Chewing on toys = hungry. 4-month sleep regression = hungry. Showing an interest in parents eating = hungry. Drooling lots = hungry, teething, or both.

So when my baby started doing all those things, and I said those were just normal 4-month old things and no I wouldn't be giving her food yet, they probably did think she was hungry and I was being ridiculous not to give her food.

(Didn't stop me wanting to clobber them with a packet of baby rice, mind.)

Nanny0gg · 09/10/2016 20:12

BLW is just finger foods, it's not the be all end all of weaning. My DC were given a mix of mush and finger foods. Sometimes they were spoon-fed, sometimes they fed themselves. Sometimes the mush was homemade, sometimes it was from a pouch/jar.

This is what I did (even though I am of the 'older generation')

The only thing that has changed is the age at which you start, which is down to current research. In years to come it may change again.

I do firmly believe that a mixture of methods is best. That way they get used to all sorts of tastes and textures as they get older.

honkinghaddock · 09/10/2016 20:12

I couldn't blw with mine because he didn't put things in his mouth until he was 18 months old so it was spoon fed (which he was happy with) or starve. I did wait till 6 months and he was quickly onto lumpy stuff.

AllTheShoes · 09/10/2016 20:16

I gave my parents a copy of the Gill Rapley book and asked them to read it, as I could see they were very sceptical. They became converts to BLW and appear to have been converting all their grand parenting friends, too, which I found amusing.

unimagmative13 · 09/10/2016 20:18

NHS recommends purees alongside finger foods

BLW is just food (not just finger foods)

It's what the parent feels comfortable with and what the baby is like.

I don't feel anyway is best but I love BLW and would encourage people like the OP to be brave and give it a go

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