Mother V baby led weaning

[Slackalice42]

PFB is now 4 months so I am starting to think about weaning (ebf). I heard about baby led weaning know nothing about it, so I ordered a book from Amazon and sat down to have a read (coincidentally while breast feeding the spawn). Much to my surprise this caused my Mother to completely go off on one! Classic quotes such as, 'You were weaned at 3 months' and , 'That baby is hungry how can you be so cruel?' WTF? Baby is on the 95 percentile, happy, chatty and sleeps 8 hours at night. Am I missing something? Any thoughts on where this is coming from? I tried explaining about the World Health Organisation and Department of Health Guidelines and her response was that this was , 'Total bullshit put out by bureaucratic fat cats'! WTF????

Cory - letting them do it themselves is easier because it frees you up to do other stuff - I used to pop a carrot on a tray, and that gave me five mins to do laundry, then a broccoli, and another 5 mins to unstack the dishwasher etc. Much less prep, I guess better for them as you're actually giving a real strawberry rather than one that has been heated, freezed, mushed etc etc

My child doesn't hold a bit of food while I feed him?
He will either have lunch of scrambled egg and toast for example, which he feeds himself completely - or a breakfast of porridge again as an example, which is spoon fed. If this is traditional weaning then fair enough, I just know whatever it wants to be labeled it works here.

Oh, so it's a belief system....? Yeah. Right.

Bowing out now of what is turning into total wankery of a thread.

Belief system, FFS.

I don't think the idea is that you feed your child to occupy them. I love it because we can all eat together at meal times and eat the same thing. It's easy in that respect.

I love it when people say we are labelling it- you labelled it 'a bit of both' 'spoon feeding and BLW' in the first place. I was just correcting you.

If I said I was exclusively breastfeeding, but I have a bottle of formula at bed times people would have me hung drawn and quartered it's the same thing.

I'm just lazy and like that fact we all eat meals together - just there is wankery about it where some people believe it develops muscles in their face and blah blah

I feed my child, I do BLW, I'm proud of his skills but I know other babys who are spoon fed and eat toast with the same skill.

corythatwas Yep, so if your just mashing your own food and passing it over then its easier than the dedicated pureeing of odd comblinations of veg that lots of people I know did.
But also, just dishing up whatever we are eating in its natural state and putting it in front of dd to help herself is even easier than pausing my meal to mash my food and spoon it in. Also quicker as I'm removing two processes mashing with my fork and spooning in to dd's mouth myself.
We are all busy eating at the same time rather than pausing to feed dd then returning to eat etc.
I think she also enjoys the independence.
Works for us.

I asked my yet another random that week HV what she thought of blw as DS1 was 3months and I was reading the newly out blw book and considering our options. Bizarre woman went off on one, her DM had feed her on puree's, was I saying her DM was wrong? She ranted on at me implying I'd insulted her DM, HV was Antipodean and I never mentioned her DM, all made even more odd as the HV nearly/was old enough to be a GP herself. I have no idea why people feel so threatened by blw. But then my dc aren't over weight, playing food control games with me, I haven't ever pureed veg to hind in their food let alone 10+ years of it, they know and understand what they're eating, etc. I'm guessing it's easier to ridicule blw than admit your own, common, mistake. It's not a money making scam, buy normal food, prepare normally and put on a plate is hardly the huge rip off that pouches, jars, special steamers and blenders, no multi national is going to make their fortune out of blw, unlike pushing jars on babies too young to eat.

ZZZ I'm not surprised that your parents don't like it if you're going to be so unbearably dogmatic about it. What on earth do you think might happen to your DC if Granny soon feeds them a few times?

Belief system, ffs.

Scaredy people get defensive because of all the utter drivel that's spouted about the so-called benefits to the baby of BLW. Until a proper scientific study on this proves all these apparent benefits it's simply feeding your baby in the way that suits you (the parent) best. And if a different method suits Granny who's looking after the baby 3 days a week then that's fine too, so long as the baby gets some decent food inside them at regular intervals.

It seems impossible to get the reasoning behind BLW across without someone claiming it to be 'wankery'' or similar.
Someone always says its just a trendy/poncy/new fangled way of saying finger food. Try and explain that actually it's not just about giving finger food there's a bit more to it than that and then someone else will say 'belief system, what wankery.'

For what is worth I don't think the term BLW does it any favours. Neither do people who don't know anything about it but say they are doing spoon feeding and BLW, thats what leads to the it's just finger food idea.

For me the major benefit was that it reinforced my relaxed attitude to food. I've never been bothered about how much or little my children ate. DH and PIL are clean plate people. For PIL in particular good appetites in babies and children are desirable (but woe betide any adult who puts on a few pounds.) Even my parents will coax, cajole and play games to get children to eat.
I just provide a variety of healthy foods and let the kids eat what they want from it. No bribes, no tears, no nagging, no stickers, no withholding pudding if there is any.
And yes you can still be relaxed and spoon feed but it can be a tiny bit more difficult not to try and give just that one last spoonful, the last bit of the pouch etc.

I take the stance of I feed my baby! Nothing else.

Don't care if its got a name - sorry I have offended the ardent BLW by saying I did a bit of both - I reckon I did. Somedays my daughter wanted to be in charge and feed herself, other days she would make it clear it was my job - not by not eating but by communicating this fact - hard to explain but definite. Most things she was given was in its normal state.

Yes i did cop out and feed her things like spag bol but hey I like my wallpaper to stay the colour it is.

She is now completely competent eater at 2, can use a knife and fork loosely - quite happy to eat most things although some of the guaranteed favs initially we now turn our nose up at!

And if a different method suits Granny who's looking after the baby 3 days a week then that's fine too, so long as the baby gets some decent food inside them at regular intervals.

RiverTam That's where we (and, I think, others on this thread) disagree. I deliberately didn't want my babies to be encouraged to have 'just one more spoonful' or to have food put in their mouth 'because if they don't try it they won't know if they like it' or 'because it's such a waste of good food'.

I see these things as being counter-productive in developing a healthy attitude to food where you eat when you're hungry, listen to your body's cues, and stop when you're full. I knew my parents would not be able to resist doing that sort of coaxing / encouraging, all with the best of motivations. So I didn't want them to feed the baby at all, and that's why I asked them to read the Gill Rapley book, so they'd understand why I was, to their eyes, letting the baby get away with 'playing' with food.

Thanks notso!

Wow at the aggressive comments to me just trying to explain what BLW is in a purist sense. I totally respect my friends who traditionally wean. I understand that different methods work for different people and their families. I don't think that everyone should BLW and i actually don't describe it like that to my parents (belief system) as I am sure they would react in the same way as you guys. But personally I want my baby to feed himself and can see how he (may) benefit from that.

I don't believe how you wean makes any difference to how unfussy an eater a child becomes. Mine had to be spoon fed and eats pretty much anything. It's just down to luck. He also has always had control of how much he eats even though I had to feed him long past the age at which most parents do.

Noodle I don't think anyone is offended. What you did was traditional weaning. It's worked for you your DC and that is great. Traditional weaning should be baby led too.
Which is why I think the name gets people's backs up because it does imply that traditional weaning is somehow forced. It seems negative which leads to people not wanting to say they weaned traditionally which leads to people doing a bit of both which brings us back to having to explain about BLW again.
As someone who weaned a baby back when 4 months was recommended by HV the baby led aspect makes perfect sense. Trying to pour watery purée into a small baby who really wasn't ready for food was pretty crappy and certainly felt parent led.
However if people are waiting for all the correct weaning signs then either way can be a really positive experience.

unimag
I work with children with feeding difficulties. Got a variety of reasons eg severe reflux some children need to be weaned early.
Some parents also choose to wean early.
If for whatever reason a baby is going to wean early it is now suggested that this is from 20 weeks. Not 17. This advice, disseminated from the hospital to community has just changed.
No HVs to report!

I think the 'benefits' and 'skills' attributed to BLW only exist if traditional weaning is understood as mum shovelling smooth tasteless mush into babies mouth like an automaton until the bowl is finished.

Which is obviously nonsense.

Most people don't need the BLW label to let their babies play and experiment with food, or let baby lead the process and be driven by what they find interesting/palatable. The definitely don't need BLW to stop when the child is full. Babies tend to be great at that.

So while much of the approach is sensible, it's definitely nothing new under the sun and the 'belief system' chat can be a bit ridiculous.

Lots of parent do struggle with a clean bowl mentality though Laurie. After years of eating everything drummed into him by his parents my husband still does as a 39 year old father to four children. If one of the kids leaves food he wants to ask why. He is most certainly not alone, plenty of adults can't just have one biscuit or leave half their main course in a restaurant. Whether we like to admit it or not the same attitudes can filter down when it comes to feeding our children.

Having worked in day nurseries and school nurseries on and off for years I think it is surprisingly easy to get a baby to eat a bit more. Parents often want them to eat the whole jar or all the veg. They usually want to know how many grapes, how much sandwich? Some will say distract him with a toy, sing a song, do the aeroplane,get them to take a dinosaur bite etc.
Look how many threads on here revolve around portion size for children.

I totally agree that all weaning should be baby led. I also agree that it is easier to do that when the baby is feeding itself.

Rivertam Studies cost money, there is no money to be made in blw, why and who would pay for a study into blw? And then who would pay to promote the evidence? Pregnancy/baby magazines/websites need advertising revenues to operate, pushing blw would piss off cow and gate, and all, no end. Now heavily processed food in convenient packs pushed from 2 months before the NHS advice, loads of money to be made, even if it's just to top up homemade stuff.
For me it wasn't about finger food vs puree, it was all about the baby led, now child led. The book really made me think about how food is presented to dc. We live in a country with an abundance of food, presenting food to dc like food is still rationed is no longer a positive thing. Those parents who I've witnessed tricking/forcing/openly worrying about how much their dc eat are also the ones who have rather chubby dc.

I think the whole thing is ridiculous tbh.
Everything to do with babies and children seems to come with so much hysterical baggage these days - and if the new mum can at the same time annoy someone of the older generation (pref MIL) with her new-found but obviously superior parenting skills, so much the better.

Scaredy well, presenting anecdote as fact isn't helpful either. I did a bit of persuading to eat a bit more, aeroplane (never worked) and being rather anxious; at aged 6 DD's a beanpole, and has always been. What does that tell you? Nothing.

But at least you seem to know why the older generation did things as they did, and that's why I think it's unkind at best to sneer at it. My mum lived through years and years of rationing. Small wonder that for her generation wasting food was seen as an absolute cardinal sin. With hindsight of course we can now see why that approach may not have been the best, but just to diss our parents is pretty rubbish. Surely talking to them would be a better approach.

Once you have that in mind, the method of weaning is irrelevant, if the baby doesn't want any more they will make that pretty clear and you don't push it.

But to stop a grandparent from ever feeding their grandchild because of your adherence to a method is very extreme, and frankly I think that would cause more damage than the odd meal done differently. You would have to be very unsure of your own influence with your child if you think meals not done your way will cause lifelong damage. It's very controlling as well.

River Are you replying to my post? Because you certainly haven't read and understood it. I have stated some facts and some anecdotes. The clue it's an anecdote is it contains who I've witnessed or for me that explains it's an anecdote not a statistical fact.
to diss our parents is pretty rubbish. I didn't, please show me where? I was pointing out life has changed and and we need to change with it. What was once very important for the nations health is now causing a national obesity crisis. That's whats rubbish.

Most people don't need the BLW label to let their babies play and experiment with food, or let baby lead the process and be driven by what they find interesting/palatable. The definitely don't need BLW to stop when the child is full. Babies tend to be great at that.

So while much of the approach is sensible, it's definitely nothing new under the sun and the 'belief system' chat can be a bit ridiculous.

^^This

The first bit was to you. Anecdote is meaningless in these debates so why mention it?

Sorry, I'm not saying you're dissing parents, I think you do get this, but I do think others are, without either knowing, caring or understanding why our parents had a 'clear the plate' mentality. Sorry, I didn't phrase that very well. I agree that the end result of 'clear the plate' is bad, but the intent was understandable.

If we could just take a minute to listen to each other's points and see where the older generation were coming from, and explain where our generation are coming from, we wouldn't end up with one generation refusing to allow another to feed a third.