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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset at partner

35 replies

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 17:54

My partner has booked flights to visit a good friend abroad - I'll be 30 weeks preggers at the time. When he first asked if I'd mind, he said it would just be a couple of days - i.e. the weekend so of course I said I didn't mind at all.

However, he is now going for 5 days and I'm a bit upset that he is happy to be away for as long as this. I'm not angry or pissed off at him, just a wee bit sad that he's okay with being away that long. AIBU?

OP posts:

UrethaFranklin · 09/10/2016 17:57

I can't really see a problem myself. Is it because you are pregnant or would you be upset anyway? Can you go with him?

pipsqueak25 · 09/10/2016 17:58

you're sad but is there any reason why he can't go ? assuming that pregnancy is going ok ? 5 days isn't long and will soon go by and you can stay in touch with each other. if you lay the guilt thing down it will sour things a bit considering you were probably pregnant when the arrangements were first made.

BolshierAryaStark · 09/10/2016 18:02

I think YABU, not a lot of point going abroad for 2 days is there? When he said weekend I'd have assumed 3 days, not much difference between that & 5 days.
You told him you didn't mind, ,don't sour the trip for him now by changing your mind.

Memoires · 09/10/2016 18:03

Why are you sad? You might be being unreasonable, or you might not be, need to know what it is that you're sad about.

Original poster

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 18:04

I wouldn't go with him as it's important for him to see his friend alone - I wasn't asked so I wouldn't invite myself.

If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't feel like this at all. It's more just feeling a bit down that he would be okay with going away whilst I'm pregnant.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 09/10/2016 18:05

You would have been OK for 2 but not 5?

There's not much difference. Least it isn't two weeks

positivity123 · 09/10/2016 18:06

YABU but I understand it. I'm pregnant at the moment and I've had it a few times where I suddenly realised I'd lost my freedom but DH still had his. Just make sure you spend the 5 days doing stuff you enjoy. Wave him off with good grace then you can have a few days off once the baby is old enough

pipsqueak25 · 09/10/2016 18:08

you just feeling a bit more fragile than you would normally, be kind to yourself. it's a pregnancy pure and simple, he knows that and that's why is o.k with going.

MinisWin · 09/10/2016 18:08

If it's any consolation my husband was away for over 3 weeks at a similar gestation - needs must! Another close friend with a husband in the forces spent virtually her entire pregnancy on her own as he was deployed. 5 days will fly past. Don't worry. With a bit of luck you'll still feel pretty human at that stage anyway, and the likelihood of anything happening in an otherwise uncomplicated pregnancy is extremely small.

stitchglitched · 09/10/2016 18:12

It depends really. If you are having a complication free pregnancy and don't have other kids to look after then I think it's ok. Presumably he wants to use the opportunity to see his friend before the baby comes and he is too busy.

That said, I had severe HG and another child to care for 30 weeks into my last pregnancy so would have hit the roof if DP had suggested a trip away! So all depends how you are feeling really.

Original poster

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 18:25

Beginning to feel this could be the old hormones again

I haven't had any complications since 9 weeks. I had some bleeding early on which has since stopped. I did have a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy with not much of a break in between (if any) and so I do tend to get very anxious over the slightest irregular symptom

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 18:27

Yabu. And don't blame it on "hormones"

Although I get your anxiety about miscarriage ( been there)...him being away for an extra couple of days will have zero influence on the outcome.

thehugemanatee · 09/10/2016 18:29

YABU. 5 days is nothing. If it was 2-3 weeks maybe, but not 5 days.

MarcelineTheVampire · 09/10/2016 18:36

AnyFucker that came across as really harsh and I don't think there is any need for that.

OP I get it, I really do losing your freedom but they still get to do fun things, but YABU- if you don't have any other kids and a complication free pregnancy, let him go before baby arrives.

GeekyWombat · 09/10/2016 19:03

OP definitely think you're being unreasonable but totally understand why you feel the pangs.

For what it's worth, could you use the five days (or the weekend at least, if you're feeling knackered) to take some time to enjoy yourself doing things it will be tougher to do when the baby arrives and that your DP isn't that into? Invite a close friend to stay for a girlie weekend and have some quality time just the two of you? Do a spa day? Theatre trip for something your DP isn't into? A weekend away yourself? Even just baths, takeaway, pampering, Netflix binge watching or an afternoon of guilt free reading? Afternoon tea? (I know I sound ancient but these are all things I found myself doing while pregnant! I actually got given a voucher for a posh hotel which did pregnancy massage followed by afternoon tea. It was honestly one of the happiest moments of my pregnancy!). That way you'll miss him but you'll have a lovely time too and the five days will fly by.

Original poster

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 19:29

Thanks everyone for your advice and your understanding.

The feelings of losing my own freedom are very true although I hadn't thought too much about it. However, I get it and I am being unreasonable.

Spending some days having some me time will prob do me the world of good as well.

THANK YOU

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 21:27

Not harsh, Marceline. Realistic. And much better in the long run.

MarcelineTheVampire · 09/10/2016 21:49

No, AnyFucker, you're just being unnecessarily mean.

OP is pregnant and therefore is experiencing hormones all over the place and add that to her anxiety over miscarriage and you have been extremely detached and unsympathetic.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2016 21:55

'hormones' is whipped out all the time here on pregnancy threads. Anyfucker wasn't overly rude just pointing out don't blame hormones because you're being unreasonable.

Purplehonesty · 09/10/2016 21:59

Dh was away for 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I wasn't too chuffed to put it mildly but when I was signed off with a bad back at the end of my pg I spent some very nice lazy days in the garden in the sun and quite enjoyed the peace and quiet and not doing very much at all.

So hopefully you can have a bit of quiet time, no meals to make or washing to do (have cereal for tea if you fancy and stay in your pjs all day over the weekend!)

Or make plans to catch up with friends and go the cinema or out for afternoon coffee and cake.

It could be quite nice?!

Peopleplease · 09/10/2016 22:02

DH just booked a trip away for 7 days. I'll be 8 months pregnant and have a 3 year old. TBH I think he feels worse than I do - but it's his only chance to see his brother in 2 years.

It's ok to feel sad but try not to make your partner feel bad.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 22:04

So, Marc, what would help op the most...

pat her on the head, join in with blaming her "hormones", denigrate her partner and whip up her sense of unfairness
appeal to her sensible side

I know which I would prefer in her situation

mum2Bomg · 09/10/2016 22:06

How pregnant are you now, out of interest? I'm 33weeks and still feeling fine - in fact much better than at the start. You might enjoy the time by then!

mum2Bomg · 09/10/2016 22:07

Some of this could be fear of the unknown...?

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 22:07

Op is 30 wks

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