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AIBU?

AIBU to be upset at partner

35 replies

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 17:54

My partner has booked flights to visit a good friend abroad - I'll be 30 weeks preggers at the time. When he first asked if I'd mind, he said it would just be a couple of days - i.e. the weekend so of course I said I didn't mind at all.

However, he is now going for 5 days and I'm a bit upset that he is happy to be away for as long as this. I'm not angry or pissed off at him, just a wee bit sad that he's okay with being away that long. AIBU?

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ConvincingLiar · 10/10/2016 07:20

I wouldn't have minded. If this is your first baby it makes sense to do things while you still can. It is possible to have trips away when you have a baby at home, but it's harder for the one left behind. It's highly unlikely you'll need him for anything at that stage in your pregnancy.

NavyandWhite · 10/10/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bulbasaur · 10/10/2016 07:01

YANBU to feel that way, if you're upset you're entitled to those feelings (hormones or not ). It sucks to feel stuck at home while your partner gets to go out and have fun. Wave him off happily and have a fun weekend to yourself, even if it's netflix and whatever you're craving.

MarcelineTheVampire · 10/10/2016 06:45

Paul I don't know about you but I was a hormonal wreck throughout my pregnancy - i was sometimes ridiculously unreasonable because I was struggling.

Pretty much dismissing someone's concerns over miscarriage is mean, particularly given that AF had experienced it- I agree with what AF said but when someone's already having a hard time why would you kick them whilst they are down?

I said OP was BU but, who knew, you can be realistic and sympathetic.

Amethyst81 · 09/10/2016 23:54

YABU but I do understand why. Make the best of it and get plenty of treats in, meals and films you like and invite some mates around for a girls night in. The time will pass quickly and I would enjoy the time to myself.

missm0use · 09/10/2016 23:17

YANBU - when I was 30 pregnant I wouldn't want my partner to be away for 5 days. Yes it is hormones making you feel like that - doesn't make it any less valid if a reason to want your partner to be there to support you! Xx

coolaschmoola · 09/10/2016 22:34

PS - he was in a war zone being shot at and I literally didn't know if he was ever coming back. Your dh is going on a five day jolly...

coolaschmoola · 09/10/2016 22:32

Wonders if knows Minis

My DH spent the last 28 weeks of my pregnancy overseas. I was living alone in Germany with the dog.

In the nicest possible way, you are being both unreasonable and a bit silly. Five days? It's nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Neaders · 09/10/2016 22:28

yabu, but i totally get it. My DH went on a stag when DD was 5 weeks old and i HATED him for it!!! i couldnt go on the hen as id had an emergency section and was still experiencing pp bleeding. Fuck i could have killed him!!! but with hindsight i realised i was being a tad precious..!
Take the few days off work and go spend time with you family /friends.. go to a spa, treat yourself - it may be your last chance for a very long time!!!! good luck xx

wigglesrock · 09/10/2016 22:14

Surely the whole point to posting on an anonymous forum is to get a detached viewpoint.

You're worried about your pregnancy, you feel a bit shite, it's a prearranged trip when you have over two months or more left in your pregnancy. Feeling sad that your partner is staying a few days more it's a bit of an overreaction.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 22:07

Op is 30 wks

mum2Bomg · 09/10/2016 22:07

Some of this could be fear of the unknown...?

mum2Bomg · 09/10/2016 22:06

How pregnant are you now, out of interest? I'm 33weeks and still feeling fine - in fact much better than at the start. You might enjoy the time by then!

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 22:04

So, Marc, what would help op the most...

pat her on the head, join in with blaming her "hormones", denigrate her partner and whip up her sense of unfairness
appeal to her sensible side

I know which I would prefer in her situation

Peopleplease · 09/10/2016 22:02

DH just booked a trip away for 7 days. I'll be 8 months pregnant and have a 3 year old. TBH I think he feels worse than I do - but it's his only chance to see his brother in 2 years.

It's ok to feel sad but try not to make your partner feel bad.

Purplehonesty · 09/10/2016 21:59

Dh was away for 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I wasn't too chuffed to put it mildly but when I was signed off with a bad back at the end of my pg I spent some very nice lazy days in the garden in the sun and quite enjoyed the peace and quiet and not doing very much at all.

So hopefully you can have a bit of quiet time, no meals to make or washing to do (have cereal for tea if you fancy and stay in your pjs all day over the weekend!)

Or make plans to catch up with friends and go the cinema or out for afternoon coffee and cake.

It could be quite nice?!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2016 21:55

'hormones' is whipped out all the time here on pregnancy threads. Anyfucker wasn't overly rude just pointing out don't blame hormones because you're being unreasonable.

MarcelineTheVampire · 09/10/2016 21:49

No, AnyFucker, you're just being unnecessarily mean.

OP is pregnant and therefore is experiencing hormones all over the place and add that to her anxiety over miscarriage and you have been extremely detached and unsympathetic.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 21:27

Not harsh, Marceline. Realistic. And much better in the long run.

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 19:29

Thanks everyone for your advice and your understanding.

The feelings of losing my own freedom are very true although I hadn't thought too much about it. However, I get it and I am being unreasonable.

Spending some days having some me time will prob do me the world of good as well.

THANK YOU

OP posts:

GeekyWombat · 09/10/2016 19:03

OP definitely think you're being unreasonable but totally understand why you feel the pangs.

For what it's worth, could you use the five days (or the weekend at least, if you're feeling knackered) to take some time to enjoy yourself doing things it will be tougher to do when the baby arrives and that your DP isn't that into? Invite a close friend to stay for a girlie weekend and have some quality time just the two of you? Do a spa day? Theatre trip for something your DP isn't into? A weekend away yourself? Even just baths, takeaway, pampering, Netflix binge watching or an afternoon of guilt free reading? Afternoon tea? (I know I sound ancient but these are all things I found myself doing while pregnant! I actually got given a voucher for a posh hotel which did pregnancy massage followed by afternoon tea. It was honestly one of the happiest moments of my pregnancy!). That way you'll miss him but you'll have a lovely time too and the five days will fly by.

MarcelineTheVampire · 09/10/2016 18:36

AnyFucker that came across as really harsh and I don't think there is any need for that.

OP I get it, I really do losing your freedom but they still get to do fun things, but YABU- if you don't have any other kids and a complication free pregnancy, let him go before baby arrives.

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thehugemanatee · 09/10/2016 18:29

YABU. 5 days is nothing. If it was 2-3 weeks maybe, but not 5 days.

AnyFucker · 09/10/2016 18:27

Yabu. And don't blame it on "hormones"

Although I get your anxiety about miscarriage ( been there)...him being away for an extra couple of days will have zero influence on the outcome.

PassTheCake82 · 09/10/2016 18:25

Beginning to feel this could be the old hormones again

I haven't had any complications since 9 weeks. I had some bleeding early on which has since stopped. I did have a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy with not much of a break in between (if any) and so I do tend to get very anxious over the slightest irregular symptom

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