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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what rules you have for older teens?

66 replies

Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 21:48

Just that really.

Mine are perhaps at the age where it's too late to introduce any big rules but it's needed so wondering what sort of rules others have.

OP posts:
justdontevenfuckingstart · 05/10/2016 21:51

We had let me know you are ok, where you are and do you need picking up. And no drugs. That was the big not being done.

corythatwas · 05/10/2016 21:53

By older teens I assume you mean 16+. I expect pretty much the same kind of consideration as I would from an adult sharing my home:

if you are going to be out at mealtimes or come home later than you usually do, let me know in advance

if you do come home late, be quiet and considerate

no drugs or smoking in this house

if you drink, don't make an exhibition of yourself

lend a hand with household tasks

no swearing directly at people or name-calling

no racist, sexist or homophobic language

usual · 05/10/2016 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelper · 05/10/2016 21:54

No sitting on the drive revving your car/moped/whatever engine.
Tbf our teen isn't too bad, but he's fostered so perhaps that makes him a little more happier to have a few ground rules as it makes him feel safer, if that makes any sense? no-one cared about him before so he likes being able to ring us if he's stuck somewhere.

Realhousewivesofshit · 05/10/2016 21:55

Had 4,

Set in stone, Good manners, worked st school, respected us and teachers. Part time jobs 16 onwards.

No rules on hair, clothes, makeup and they could go out socially to parties etc unless and until they let us down.

Allowed alcohol from 15/16 as long as not drunk or out of control,

Condoms in the bathroom same age although both dds asked me to help access the pill at 15, that was fine by us. Very sensible mature girls.

''Tis a rocky road though Grin

elephantoverthehill · 05/10/2016 21:56

Cory has it summed up. I would just add please can you help younger DCs with homework now and again when I am a bit busy/stumped.

Willywolly · 05/10/2016 21:57

Let me know if we have guests. Every time even if they have a gir/boyfriend or just friend to stay every night.

Text/call before 11 if you're planning on staying out or coming home later than midnight. Again that's every night even if they never come home earlier than mid night and even if they've stayed at a friends every night for however long.

Be sensible with everything you do.

No lying, no matter how bad the truth is.

And a bit of a Hmm rule, always take your fucking keys out(!!!) because I'm not getting up at 2am to let you in. No so much of a problem for my older lads now they drive and need their keys but they were pains when they were younger and the non driving 2 always forget their keys.

Realhousewivesofshit · 05/10/2016 21:58

Oh yes phones on at all times and texts answered.

Original poster
Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 22:00

Mine are 19, 18, 16 and 14.

All seem along the lines of what I was thinking tbh.

OP posts:
Realhousewivesofshit · 05/10/2016 22:02

willy

Dh and I both a young 50 Smilewent out last weekend and didn't take keys.

Giggling at 2am in the porch as a 16/17 year old dds aroused from sleep. Not amused.
Boring buggers Grin

insan1tyscartching · 05/10/2016 22:02

Mine were let me know if you aren't coming home and if you ever mess up, no matter how badly, don't be afraid to tell me.They knew I hated cigarettes (lost dm as a child to lung cancer) so whilst it wasn't an explicit rule that smoking wasn't allowed I had brainwashed them all from being small so it never happened. I suppose other expectations about being decent human beings and pulling their weight about the house happened because they were in place long before they were teens.

Willywolly · 05/10/2016 22:03

Oh yes phones on at all times and texts answered.

Yes, this one too! I'm not paying phone bills for them to never answer them.

We also have one about respect for each other. 3 boys all with girlfriends and 2 teens girls means there's always some drama. I can't expect that to not happen so I just ask if there is any problems try to be respectful to each other even if you hate each other. Any big problems they speak to me so I can work out what's going on and what to do about it.

Willywolly · 05/10/2016 22:05

Realhousewivesofshit Can't deny I haven't ever done it either but we have a secret hidden key the kids don't know about. Grin

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2016 22:08

None of these are things I wouldn't ask of younger teens either. Confused

I haven't needed to invent any rules for my older teen. Except do not let younger siblings whiteness you playing violent computer games. I don't care if Granny bought the game for you, it's not suitable for your 13 yo brother.
The rule for his friends is : if you drink my alcohol without asking put the empty bottles in the recycling, not back in the cupboard hoping I won't notice.

usual · 05/10/2016 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaceLancs · 05/10/2016 22:12

No one stays over unless I've met them first
If I'm away n they are having a gathering only they and their partners can sleep in my bed
General tidiness cleanliness etc
I will only loan money up to a months earnings (theirs not mine)

thehugemanatee · 05/10/2016 22:12

I don't have teens but when I do, just a few simple rules for under 18s (I don't think you can have rules for your 18 and 19 year old, they're adults): no alcohol, no drugs, help around the house, and always do schoolwork before going out with friends.

usual · 05/10/2016 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Niklepic · 05/10/2016 22:18

Dd18 has to let me know who she is with and if she's coming home or not. If she stays out she's got to send me a text in the morning so I know she's OK. I get 'I'm alive' on a regular basis.

Safe sex using a condom all the time.

We've also got the 'no lying' rule, even if she knows I'll disapprove.

To be fair I'm pretty lenient and we've not really had any trouble from her. Just general pmt moodiness and teenage mess.

ItsJustNotRight · 05/10/2016 22:22

No food upstairs ever.
If you need anything for school tomorrow ask tonight or don't bother.
Don't speak before leaving for school (tbh this was just DS1 who was absolutely foul tempered in the morning so it was just do it in silence and leave)
Let us know if you aren't coming home
That was about it. To be fair they were pretty easy so no major issues.

PutDownThatLaptop · 05/10/2016 22:23

No swearing or playing certain video games in front of the little sibling; pick up litter; no motorbikes, no drugs.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2016 22:31

I tell my 17yo and his friends what time to come in.

DS does an impression of me "ohh it's cold out there, ohh it's dark out there" (I don't actually say that!) but they all come in when told to.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2016 22:32

Do I have to let him stay out as late as he wants when he's 18?

Sofres · 05/10/2016 22:36

I have no rules for mine, 17 and 19, am I a bad parent? Confused I hadn't really realised until I had to think what my rules are.

elephantoverthehill · 05/10/2016 22:38

Putdown No motorbikes. Is that a bit harsh? I am so pleased my 20y old has at last got wheels. I rode one into my 30s. My DM and DF did the same.