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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what rules you have for older teens?

66 replies

Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 21:48

Just that really.

Mine are perhaps at the age where it's too late to introduce any big rules but it's needed so wondering what sort of rules others have.

OP posts:

needastrongone · 05/10/2016 22:38

Be respectful.

Let me know where you are and what time you plan to be back.

Close the fridge door...

Try not to spill milk from your never ending bowls of cereal on every single surface in the kitchen.

I will treat you as an adult if you behave like one.

Talk to me, I had you pretty young and have done the education thing, so can relate.

Ignore DH when he grumbles and rants.

Not too arsed about drinking (within reason, it's going to happen at some point), but no drugs.

Talk to me before piercings and tattoos... I won't say no, but lets talk it through at least.

Original poster

Donthateprocreate · 05/10/2016 22:43

sofres why do you have no rules?

OP posts:

Sofres · 05/10/2016 22:45

I think maybe because I stopped supporting them when they turned 16 I never thought I had any right to give them rules.

Omgkitties · 05/10/2016 22:47

I stopped supporting them when they turned 16

Wtf?

I am so sorry if this offends you but why the hell do parents to that?!?! You stopped supporting your children when they were only 16?! What did they do after that?

usual · 05/10/2016 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 05/10/2016 22:48

Do you mean you stopped supporting them financially because they had jobs?

Sofres · 05/10/2016 22:49

omgkitties they got jobs. I still fed them and gave them a place to live obviously but they didn't get money for anything off of me. They both decided they didn't want to do college and I wasn't having them doss around all day so I had to do whatever I could to get them to find work asap.

Sofres · 05/10/2016 22:50

Of course I still supported them in other ways, just not financially.

Mylittlelights · 05/10/2016 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 05/10/2016 22:59

Let us know if your not coming home.
Let us know if you'll be back really late.
Because no matter what age they get to they know how much I worry about them.

Our 2 oldest(we have 5DC)DC are 20 and 18 now.

Apart from that we've not really had to set any other rules,they're pretty good lads,they know we have a zero tolerence on drugs(I've seen people die,whole lifes ruined by people's drug abuse)they'd never be rude to us,they never swear in front of me or the younger DC and they won't swear in front of other people's children,they're friends parents or they're Granparents,Aunt,Uncle and Great Aunts and Uncles.

They're best friends which is lovely so there's never any arguments between them or with the other children.

BackforGood · 05/10/2016 23:05

I don't have specific 'rules' either (mine are 20, just about to turn 18, and 14). I hope I've brought them up to think about other people and be considerate. That sort of then helps them make decisions about specific rules for specific areas of life.
Cory's list on P1 expands it well, but they shouldn't need a detailed list of 'rules for every occasion' at that or any age.

Sgtmajormummy · 05/10/2016 23:06

First priority is school, second is music and third is sport/socialising.
Home for dinner on a school night, weekends are negotiable.
Smoking, drugs and stealing are not tolerated.
Keep your phone charged and answer it.
No lying or lying by omission.
Respect others and demand it in return.

.....and don't forget your keys!

DS is just 18.

muppet1969 · 05/10/2016 23:08

No vomit in the street, no seeing in the street, no sex in the street!

muppet1969 · 05/10/2016 23:08

Weeing, not seeing!

salsamad · 05/10/2016 23:11

To be honest we have very few rules - no smoking in the house and definitely no drugs. No motorbikes (witness to head on collision at speed where we had to try and perform first aid on rider). Friends/girlfriends are welcome to stop over anytime but no ONS. Txt if you are going to be in later than 3am, ring either of us at anytime in an emergency eg no money for taxi home etc.
However DS says Lewis Hancox mini videos of "British Mum" giving her do's and don'ts to her long suffering "son" on FB reminds him of someone I can't think who .

missymayhemsmum · 05/10/2016 23:13

If you want a party we'll plan a party. I trust you not to have a party without my consent. The gang staying over are volunteering to tidy up.

If you get home first start dinner.

The laundry fairy will not wash anything not left in the washing basket. It is not ok to wash and dry a single item, however urgent.

No partners to stay over who we haven't previously been introduced to.

Take your key. Let me know when you will be home. If you want a lift ask nicely.

Let me know what support you want with studying. This can include reminding you that your homework is not facebook.

No swearing in front of younger children.

You may not trash the house, however hormonal you are.

Bedrooms are private, even mine. Your bedroom should not smell/ be a health hazard.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/10/2016 23:20

Um trying to think. Mine are good kids so being nice to each other, minding your language goes without saying really. I suppose it boils down to

No randomers stopping over
Remember your keys
Tell us if you're not coming home

They have their own chores and responsibilities around the house too; DD(17) does the hoovering. Slightly older but DD and DS do their own laundry when they are home from uni and clean their own bathrooms. Also cook for the family once a week or so. All my kids clean their own rooms and do stuff like emptying dishwasher and bins, ferrying little sibling around and nipping to the corner shop.

ghostyslovesheep · 05/10/2016 23:25

14 and 12

No boys in a closed room!
Always answer your phone - 3 strikes (ignore my call) and it is removed for 24 hours
Tidy up your shit
Go to school
Don't get pregnant

Seren85 · 05/10/2016 23:26

I don't have kids let alone teens but rules when I was a teen (16 -18) were do your college work, don't come home plastered, no overnight guests upstairs before 6 months, get a PT job and generally tidy up after myself. I also had a curfew but by 17 it was midnight and they knew I was in the pub. Of course I slept over at parties and friends houses and drank far too much on plenty of occasions.

After 18 it was either FT education or FT work or out. Text or ring if not coming home even if I met someone on a night out (never happened but it was good to know) or much later than planned, come in quietly and generally respect the other people living in the house. Worked both ways too after my parents went to a party "for an hour" and rolled in at 2am drunk and I was worried about them. It's just respect for people really.

IminaPickle · 06/10/2016 08:05

Let me know where you are.
Once they go to University it's pretty binary tbh. Are you alive? I don't have any 'rules' about drugs, sex how hard they work etc. because by that age they have to do the right thing because it's the right thing, not because mummy says so. I saw the younger teen years as peak input/ rules. They know my beliefs about everything

dementedma · 06/10/2016 08:14

Let me know if you have changed your plans and are not coming home, or will be late.
The rest is just usual living.

heron98 · 06/10/2016 09:25

I love the "no drugs" rules. I think this might be naive. if they're going to do drugs, they'll do them. Same with drinking and smoking. They just probably won't tell you!

IminaPickle · 06/10/2016 09:44

heron that's what I believe. I had 18 years to bring them up to make good decisions, if they choose to do deferent now, me making a rule has little to do with it.
I'm pretty sure that my dcs would come to me with concerns about drug use in their peer group, and they certainly get tea and sympathy when hung over etc.

MyBreadIsEggy · 06/10/2016 09:50

It's not been that long since I was an "older teen"
My mum and dad didn't have real "rules" as such, more that they just expected a bit of common courtesy i.e. Keep my own space clean and tidy, clean up after myself in the kitchen/living room/bathroom, do my fair share of the housework, no drugs, asking before inviting guests over, letting the parentals know when I would be home or if I was planning on staying out etc.
Nothing I deemed unfair - after all I was living in their house for free!

MyballsareSandy2015 · 06/10/2016 13:13

Two 15 year old DDs here. Rules include letting me know where they are and answering texts/calls. Allowed to take some booze to parties but come home shit faced and we will we reconsider. Been ok so far and rang about a seriously drunk friend who was scared to go home.

No staying overnight at parties yet as I think one of them would drink more knowing she wasn't coming home to face me.

Other than that the usual be kind and respectful, work hard at school etc, do some chores around the house now and then. We are quite chilled generally.

Actually they know my main rule ... stop what you're doing and rush to the table when dinner is served. Nothing gives me the rage more than preparing a meal and people not spearing for ages.

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