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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider separate bed/rooms?

75 replies

Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 12:16

Currently (day) dreaming of a night without loud raucous snoring from 'D'H.

A night without fighting for the duvet, without being woken by him going to work. Without him farting and scratching, and sweating, and did I mention the snoring?

In the interest of non drippage of the feed; he won't seek help for his snoring, despite him having now heard a recording of the offending emissions. He sleeps through it all. He finds it funny.

I am 6 months pregnant, and apparently the only one who hears and attends to DD1. I need sleep. We have a spare room, and it's looking more tempting every night.

AIBU? Would you? Have you?

A new duvet is cheaper than divorce.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 04/10/2016 12:19

Yes, without question.

I haven't shared a bedroom with my DH for years Grin.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 04/10/2016 12:20

In the past (exh) I found a fork was a handy implement for the deterring of snoring. I kid you not. Grin tho maybe the olde fashioned tennis ball in the pj's is more dh friendly!!

dudsville · 04/10/2016 12:20

Yes, and even when you do share a bed never share a duvet.

Captainladder · 04/10/2016 12:22

not unreasonable at all. but he should sleep in the spare room.

Original poster
Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 12:23

Mmm lovely fresh, soft, clean duvet all to myself. This has to happen.

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 04/10/2016 12:23

In the interest of non drippage of the feed; he won't seek help for his snoring, despite him having now heard a recording of the offending emissions. He sleeps through it all. He finds it funny.

I'd be finding him a separate room in a separate house. Knowing your snoring is disrupting your partner's sleep but refusing to do anything about it is just cruel.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/10/2016 12:23

Spare bedroom is bliss.

The parent who sleeps the deepest should have the room closest to DD1, and sleep with door open.
Light sleeping pregnant parent sleeps with door closed.

Other tip - snorer has to have mobile phone set to Loud beside bed, so that when it's his turn to get up in middle of night, you can ring and wake him from the safety of the spare room!

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/10/2016 12:24

I am 6 months pregnant, and apparently the only one who hears and attends to DD1.

And this too! What a peach you've got there OP.

TheVermiciousKnid · 04/10/2016 12:24

Go for it!

It pisses me off that loud snoring is seen as oh so funny even when it really disturbs the other partner. Lack of sleep has such a huge impact on physical and mental health. Why should you suffer? It really isn't a minor matter.

My husband has sought help for his snoring but hasn't really made much of a difference. But your husband should at least try. (And he should definitely share night-time parenting!)

ErrolTheDragon · 04/10/2016 12:27

YABVVU to even ask the question! The only issue is which of you should decamp. He's being an arse if he finds disrupting your sleep funny, and also snoring can be indicative of health problems (is he overweight?)

The only downside to a separate room is if it leads you to staying on MN too late at night.

shinebright14 · 04/10/2016 12:29

Can't believe you haven't move to spare room all ready.

44PumpLane · 04/10/2016 12:31

I'm pregnant and my DH has happily moved to the spare room for me- it has a rubbish mattress and he wouldn't dream of making me sleep on it but he understands I need my sleep. Before this he had started to snore so again he decamped to the spare room and sought help from the doc/ turned out he had a nasal polyp that was easily sorted with a steroid nasal spray so no more snoring.

I really don't get why people find disrupting their partners sleep something that's so funny- it's not, it's mental torture!

c3pu · 04/10/2016 12:38

I dumped my last EXGF because she snored like a fucking tractor

So frankly, moving to the spare room is totally not unreasonable!

RawPrawn · 04/10/2016 12:40

It might have been better if you'd moved to the spare room six and a half months ago.

Oh well. Good luck.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 04/10/2016 12:57

Go for it. I don't think DH and I would still be together if we didn't have separate bedrooms. After two DCs in two years I was so sleep damaged I just couldn't stand his bloody snoring any more.

Sancia · 04/10/2016 12:58

I was able to convince mine to get help. Tests showed his oxygen levels are dropping in the night and they're hoping a mouth guard, to stop his gob falling open, will help. He's being fitted this month. Once it became an actual health issue that might improve HIS sleep and health, he was all over it.

I just slept on the sofa until he got help - I was in the middle of choosing a convertible single sofa bed and making the move permanent. You can't change other people, only yourself, so I politely told him I would be protecting my own sleep and health and he could do whatever he wanted.

Krooski · 04/10/2016 12:59

Having your own bedroom is bliss.

My partner and I hadn't been living together for very long when he got tonsillitis, which made him snore at a volume I never knew was humanly possible. After three nights of sleep deprivation I moved to the spare room. Lo and behold, we BOTH slept a lot better! (I tend to flail my arms in the night so the poor man was regularly whacked in the face).

Since then, which is about 10 years now , we each have our own bedroom -his stuffed with football paraphernalia, mine with plants, soft toys and real cats. We wouldn't have it any other way. :-)

Julia001 · 04/10/2016 13:00

on the reverse, I am the one that snores -like a fucking tractor- and DH is so used to it that he cannot sleep without it :-) All of my siblings are the same, so was Dad, so a family problem.

Original poster
Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 13:07

RawPrawn are you my mum?

OP posts:
Amethyst81 · 04/10/2016 13:26

Oh I wish I could! My DH is vile when he sleeps, loud snoring, farting, shouting in his sleep, he smells overnight plus annoying wandering hands which he says he can't remember the next day Hmm we don't have enough bedrooms so its not possible but I would do it in a heartbeat. I lay awake at night fantasising about building a decently warm shed to shove him into.

lalalalyra · 04/10/2016 13:30

He knows he disturbs his heavily pregnant wife and finds it funny? He'd be in the spare room permanently here.

My DH snores. I woke him every time he woke me (I have weird sleep and very realistic dreams so he wasn't 100% I wasn't dreaming and neither was i) for two nights and he bought various gadgets and sprays the next day. We don't share a duvet. No one should share a duvet imo- it's the cause of so many issues!

TheVermiciousKnid · 04/10/2016 13:32

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."

zofranks · 04/10/2016 13:35

good god you need to ask!!! Oh the heaven of a bed to myself, a nice CLEAN duvet, silence....oh yes!

Original poster
Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 13:49

Well I think it's going to happen.

I fear the divorce may too but right now the spare room is a good step.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 14:05

Julia001 I find that rather sweet but at the same time I think your partner is lucky that your snoring doesn't disturb him.

I really cannot sleep with him snoring, he is the first to sleep and then wakes me multiple times a night (in addition to the pregnancy piddling that doesn't vaguely disturb him).

His snore sounds something along the line of "ahhhhgggg NAHHHHRRRRGGG G G G g g g g" repeat.

I think as many if you have hinted there may be some underlying medical reason for the horrendous noise, and it has certainly increased over the years (been married about 5 years) but he seems to think I should find it charming (like the farting and continual scratching!) even when it makes me want to cry big salty hormonal, sleep deprived tears!

OP posts: