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AIBU?

AIBU to consider separate bed/rooms?

75 replies

Ladybunnyfluff · 04/10/2016 12:16

Currently (day) dreaming of a night without loud raucous snoring from 'D'H.

A night without fighting for the duvet, without being woken by him going to work. Without him farting and scratching, and sweating, and did I mention the snoring?

In the interest of non drippage of the feed; he won't seek help for his snoring, despite him having now heard a recording of the offending emissions. He sleeps through it all. He finds it funny.

I am 6 months pregnant, and apparently the only one who hears and attends to DD1. I need sleep. We have a spare room, and it's looking more tempting every night.

AIBU? Would you? Have you?

A new duvet is cheaper than divorce.

OP posts:

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BabyGanoush · 05/10/2016 07:49

Just sleep apart!

And I never get this British thing about sharing 1 duvet, with all that entails (being forced to share fart smells, someone hogging tge duvet etc.). In Scandinavia and Holland, it is normal to sleep in a double bed with 2 duvets. Much better!

Roussette · 05/10/2016 07:57

That's ridiculous OP. This is exactly how my friend's DH reacts. He says it is a symptom of a failing marriage that people have seperate bedrooms so she has to suffer. He is so proud that they've never not slept in the same bed in decades of marriage - yes, at the cost of his poor wife's sleep. Apparently she snores too but he says he loves her snoring. Yeah... right...

My marriage has survived thirty years, despite the latter half being in seperate rooms so we must be doing something right... it's a marriage saver not a marriage destroyer!

thecatsclinkers · 05/10/2016 08:06

EAR PLUGS.

Rumtopf · 05/10/2016 08:26

OP, why is he manipulating you?
Sod playing the victim, spend a bit of time today if you can making the spare room habitable and when he starts snoring, just move in there! If he doesn't like it then it's just tough.
We've had separate rooms since January this year. Dh snores so incredibly loudly it feels like there's a jackhammer going off in my head, so it was either separate rooms or else I'd have done him some serious harm. I have never felt rage like it. It's horrible feeling like that, so although I do feel a bit lonely and miss the random 3 am sexiness this is much better for us both.

eggyface · 05/10/2016 08:27

Did you talk to him about getting up for DD1, OP? Who does he think will be doing it in 3 months time when you have a new born attached to you?

On a side note, I'd bet money that when there's a crying baby in the bed he'll be all fine with going to sleep in another room...

Ladybunnyfluff · 05/10/2016 08:50

Oh I am having the spare room sorted by tonight.

I'm so tired of his attitude, for a reasonably introverted person he's incredibly self centred. Very passive aggressive - "are you going to eat all of that?" - "I don't want to argue (mid argument)" - lots of silent treatment with excessive sighing etc.

I'm not sure what part he is actually planning to play in baby's life. I'm not actually sure whether he views attending the birth or looking after DD1 as more of a struggle!

OP posts:

BusyBeez99 · 05/10/2016 09:01

On holiday I share the bedroom with our child and DH sleeps on the sofa bed

We need sleep on holiday too!

I think the others would agree that the key is to make time for the romance side still. Then it works. It falls down when that side of things slides

Rumtopf · 05/10/2016 09:05

Sounds to me like he's more than aware of what an arse he's being and is afraid that sleeping separately is your first step in getting rid of him. From what you're describing I'm surprised it's not!

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 05/10/2016 09:06

Good for you OP. You don't need his feckin "permission" to move rooms. Point out that it's not the seperate rooms that are a problem in the marriage, it's his selfish attitude.

Ladybunnyfluff · 05/10/2016 12:09

Well after him being positively hateful earlier I have spent the morning pouring heart out to my DM. She was shocked and ultimately offered a room at hers which is looking terribly tempting right now.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2016 12:57

Another one sleeping separately. I feel terribly guilty having chucked snoring dh out to the spare room.... Loving this thread

pointythings · 05/10/2016 21:22

It does sound as if you have bigger issues than snoring - he sounds uncaring and inconsiderate. It's this that breaks up relationships, not separate bedrooms.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 06/10/2016 03:58

I am awake at 4am due to my own dh's snoring, so I think you are definitely NBU!!

nippey · 06/10/2016 04:58

We have had separate bedrooms for years, it has made such a huge difference to both of us, I actually get uninterrupted sleep and he doesn't have to worry about waking me up. Highly recommend it!

Rumtopf · 06/10/2016 07:14

Lady that's lovely that your Mum is so supportive. How were things last night?

Sosidges · 06/10/2016 07:22

Seperate rooms here. I love having one tiny space that is all mine. Please do it for your sanity. Men's arrogance that their needs are more important never ceases to amaze me.

Footle · 06/10/2016 07:29

Whoknows, is your bed wide enough ? There needs to be room to move your arms a bit.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 06/10/2016 07:41

It's kingsize and we couldn't go any bigger, our bedroom is small and we don't have a spare room. DH is extremely broad shouldered though. I usually sleep facing away from him.

RainbowDashian · 06/10/2016 07:50

Yanbu. I sleep on a shit bed in a box room but it's better than listening to DH's snoring and being farted on all night. It's a marriage saver. DH thinks I'm the one with the problem as I should just get used to his snoring. He won't accept his snoring is the issue.

Ladybunnyfluff · 08/10/2016 12:21

Just thought I'd let you all know that I love my new room and having beautiful restful sleep.

Unfortunately husband is now finding new ways to be a bastard. It's the most creative I've seen him for years!

OP posts:

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 12:34

Since having ds I've become the lightest and worst sleeper.

I stuck it out for two years but on the verge of mental collapse moved in to my own room.

It's LOVELY and I can't see myself sharing ever again.

I wake at dh moving the duvet or turning even with earphones in so sharing just isn't an option anymore.

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2016 12:43

Sorry your dh is being mean. Just at the worst time for you.

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PaperdollCartoon · 08/10/2016 12:56

your 'D'H is being an arse. Good sleep is one of the most basic things humans need to function, it's imperative for your mental health. You're pregnant and getting up with a little one as well, while he snores through. How disrespectful to you. Glad you've taken yourself into the other room that he should have moved into but does sound like there's a bigger issue here.

expatinscotland · 08/10/2016 12:58

He sounds like such a catch, OP. Someone who farts like that has something wrong with his diet/gut, too, probably.

Sounds like he's just a sperm donor.

Ladybunnyfluff · 11/10/2016 17:47

Things are definitely looking up now we don't share a room, everyone's moods are lifted and husband is more attentive and loving than he has been in years .

I recommend separate rooms!

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