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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thought I was BU ... but it happened!!!!

81 replies

loveyouradvice · 25/09/2016 11:51

Love to know what rules you use... My DD, aged 14, went to first mixed sleepover last night... I trust her, she's pretty sensible, best friend there but was a little nervous (especially as one of them was "her boyfriend"). I almost didnt but with wiser mates' words echoing in my head, I texted the mum, thanked her and said how much DD was looking forward to it. Only to find out that she was out of town and no adults in the house ... and DS had been forbidden to have anyone over. All sorted without drama, they went to another house where the parents WERE home.... But did make me think I need to start being clearer about rules etc... What do you have in place for your DS and DD in their teens?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 25/09/2016 11:55

I'm not sure I would've let her go to the other one in that instance. Mixed sleepovers are just asking for trouble in any case, in my opinion. Yes of course the kids love them, but the risk of something happening that shouldn't is really high.

manyathingyouknow · 25/09/2016 11:59

You let your 14 year go to a sleepover with her boyfriend?!?!?! YABU for that alone. She's a child and you're asking for trouble there. Honestly I'm shocked that you condoned this in the first place Shock

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2016 12:07

So your trusted, sensible DD lied to you and you still let her go to a mixed sleepover with her boyfriend?

What rules did I use? Very different ones to you!

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2016 12:12

My youngest DC will be 14 in two months and there's no way I would have allowed him to A.) stay overnight with a girlfriend and B.) go to the other sleepover having lied about the first.

19lottie82 · 25/09/2016 12:13

I'm quite shocked you let your14 yo DD go to a sleep over with her boyfriend too.

It's not even so much that you trust her,but what about him????

EssentialHummus · 25/09/2016 12:16

Jesus. She lied to you about the first sleepover, presumably because she or BF wanted to take the opportunity of an empty house to have sex. You then let her go out anyway (what the hell kind of punishment is that??), to another sleepover with the BF?

You're going to have a serious problem on your hands soon - either a pregnant 14 yo, police at the BF's door, or a wildly out of control teen.

What were you thinking?

FlyingElbows · 25/09/2016 12:17

Oh there's no way on God's green earth she'd have gone to the other one! She'd have had her arse handed to her for lying and she'd not be going to any sleepover for the foreseeable future. I am fair easy going mum but I have a zero tolerance policy on lying. I also wouldn't have a 14 year old with a boyfriend but your choice is ofcourse yours to make.

clam · 25/09/2016 12:18

But did make me think I need to start being clearer about rules etc.

Hmm How about having some rules in the first place?

CheckpointCharlie2 · 25/09/2016 12:18

Dd is 14 in a couple of days and I would let her if I knew the parents well as she doesn't have a bf but does have good boy mates. If I didn't know them, no chance. We've had loads of chats about expectations, consent, porn etc so she's pretty clued up.

I think it's the best friend who had the boyfriend?

Meadows76 · 25/09/2016 12:21

My teen has been allowed on mixed sleepovers since 14. I expect adults to be in the house though. For all those saying omg at a 14yo being allowed on a mixed sleepover which happened to include the bf, you do realise she is at the very least risk in a room ful, of other teens than alone in a park with him at 4pm after school right??

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:23

Mixed sleepover wouldn't be allowed by me at all.

DD went to one once - she lied to get going - and I went apeshit when I found out.

clam · 25/09/2016 12:25

Wouldn't be happy about that either, Meadows. It's not an "either/or" situation.

ayeokthen · 25/09/2016 12:26

I would only allow a mixed sleepover if I knew the parents hosting it and knew what their rules would be. I have to say if your DD was mine I'd have hauled her home after finding out she'd lied about the first one and read the riot act. Lying is a massive no go in our house.

ArmySal · 25/09/2016 12:26

Shock I wouldn't be allowing my child to go on a mixed sleepover, at all.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:28

Parents being home means nothing either. They can and will sneak from room to room

Wonderflonium · 25/09/2016 12:28

If you don't mind her having sex with her boyfriend, why are you making her go to "sleepovers"? Put a supply of condoms in the bathroom and let them do it under your roof.

imwithspud · 25/09/2016 12:30

Well I certainly wouldn't have let her go on to the supervised house to continue the sleep over for a start. Talk about rewarding her for lying.

In fact I wouldn't be allowing her to go to a 'mixed' sleep over at all.

Meadows76 · 25/09/2016 12:31

They can and will sneak from room to room. I think the whole point of it is that they are all in the SAME room. I wouldn't let mine sleepover in a house without parents just as I wouldn't leave them alone overnight at home, it's about having a responsible adult present for a variety of reasons, not because I would be worried about her being in the same room as a boy lol

BlasianFashionista · 25/09/2016 12:32

You're going to have a serious problem on your hands soon - either a pregnant 14 yo

Sorry, I don't understand why you've wrote that, why on earth would her 14 be pregnant... People are so dramatic on this site!

I've got years until my boys are teenagers, but I can say that there will never be any sleep overs.

As punishment you should never let her sleep out again.

ReginaBlitz · 25/09/2016 12:32

You are slack, really hope you enjoy being a young granny.

clam · 25/09/2016 12:32

Same room or not, all sorts can go on under a blanket.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 25/09/2016 12:32

My 14 year old can absolutely go to mixed sleepovers. When I am dead. If he lied to me abut it he'd be losing a lot more than just the one sleepover.

RhiWrites · 25/09/2016 12:33

Why are people saying she lied? Maybe it was a miscommunication?

ayeokthen · 25/09/2016 12:33

BlasianFashionista and what do you think unsupervised teenage couples get up to? A quick hand hold and a cup of tea? There's a reason that huge ball of hormones teenagers need to supervised!

clam · 25/09/2016 12:33

why on earth would her 14 be pregnant

Hmm You need to ask that?

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