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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a bit cheeky to ask?

68 replies

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 09:51

My cousin is expecting her 5th baby. A boy. Her youngest at the moment is 3 and when I had my son, she kindly passed over a lot of outgrown clothes. All very good quality and have been a godsend to us.

It never crossed my mind to save any of the clothes as 1) we don't intend to have any more children and 2) It just never crossed my mind to save them for anyone else.

Via my Mum my cousin has asked do we have any outgrown boys clothes we could pass on to her?

In principle I am more than happy to do this but I think it's a bit cheeky to ask. Also, she doesnt live locally and sees my Mum (not me) perhaps 4/5 times a year. Whilst this would be pk as my son is 2, it means we would have to store the clothes for her and we're a;already struggling for space. Previously, when my son has outgrown his clothes, we've passed them to charity/his nursery.

so, IABU to think it's a bit cheeky to have asked?

OP posts:
Abraiid2 · 12/09/2016 09:54

She isn't being cheeky, I don't think. Why can't you give the clothes to your mother and ask her to store, or pass on to your cousin?

Sassypants82 · 12/09/2016 09:55

I'm sorry, she provided clothes for your DS, which was a godsend, but you think it's cheeky for her to ask you to return the favour?

If storage us an issue just pass them in as he's grown out of them & let her store them.

You don't come across as very kind or grateful I'm afraid.

paxillin · 12/09/2016 09:57

YABU, not at all cheeky. I would expect you to help out, she did the same for you after all. Don't store them, give them to your mum or ask the cousin tocome and get them.

milkyface · 12/09/2016 09:57

I think it's you who's being cheeky to be honest!

I don't know about anyone else but when I've been given clothes when my ds has outgrown them ive always offered them back to the person who gave them before ive done anything else with them!

Oysterbabe · 12/09/2016 09:58

No it isn't cheeky of her to ask when she has previously done you a similar favour. Yabu.

GinIsIn · 12/09/2016 09:58

YABVU - of course it's not cheeky! She gave you her stuff. It's not like she's asking at random out of the blue!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/09/2016 09:58

I don't think she's being cheeky at all, I wouldn't store them though, just pop them in a bag as your ds grows out of things and either give them to your mam or text her, you don't have to wait until you have a black sack. She helped you out, I think the obvious thing is to pass them back now that you can, with five kids I'm sure she will appreciate them, don't ask don't get.

In fact I think it reflects worse on you than her that you found her good quality clothes a godsend and now she has asked your thinking she's the cheeky one

CoraPirbright · 12/09/2016 10:00

So its ok for you to use her outgrown clothes but not ok for her to use yours?

I think you are cheeky for considering her to possibly be cheeky!

Original poster
cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:00

Oh I am very grateful for what she provided and had I have thought about it, would happily have passed clothes on to her. It's just that she has actually asked, which to me is a bit.... not sure. I wouldnt, and didnt, ask anyone if they had spare clothes to pass on to me for our son. Whilst I anticipated some people may have done this for us, I was never of the mindset to ask.

There wouldnt have been a need, until this pregnancy, for me to pass anything back to her so I didnt even consider it as a thought.

The question I am asking, was about her asking, rather than being offered

OP posts:
milkyface · 12/09/2016 10:02

YABU.

Why shouldn't she ask? She gave stuff to you I think she's well within her rights to ask.

If she hadn't given you anything it might be different.

Chikara · 12/09/2016 10:04

Not cheeky. She knows you have stuff. She knows she did you the favour. It is not uncommon to pass clothes between friends and families , (My DD firstborn had loads of clothes passed on to her - and we passed them back!)

Original poster
cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:04

I take on board everyone's points. We only have one son and until he came along, didnt have much to do with babies/parenting so I guess it is just the norm.

Thanks all. Already mentally picking pout what bits I am going to pass on to her :)

OP posts:
Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 12/09/2016 10:04

I expect she thinks you're damn rude for not returning the favour and having to ask you.

paxillin · 12/09/2016 10:05

I'd actually expect you to offer unasked since she did it for you.

pudcat · 12/09/2016 10:07

She is family. Do families not ask each other for help these days?

pictish · 12/09/2016 10:07

Err...no, it's not cheeky and I'm not sure why you think it is. It's practical and unless she has been rude about it, it's a perfectly reasonable ask.

Original poster
cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:07

I was planning too paxillin as I noticed my son has outgrown a lot of things. It just threw me that she asked. I thought it wasn't the done thing but it looks I am wrong

OP posts:
pictish · 12/09/2016 10:08

X posted
Nice one.

PupPupBoogie · 12/09/2016 10:08

She's not asking uou to pass things ON to her. She's asking for you to pass things BACK after she so kindly passed them to you. YABU

Original poster
cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:08

I didnt realise asking was ok and a thing.

OP posts:
WhisperingLoudly · 12/09/2016 10:09

Even without the history i.e she gave you lots of good quality clothes which were a godsend, I can't find any cheekiness in her request.

The fact that there is history makes you seem a little odd

Original poster
cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:09

PupPupBoogie I believe she asked do I have any clothes that she could have - so not just hers. More than happy to pass outgrown things on to her. I just thought it strange to ask, rather than wait to be offered. She's not due until November I dont think.

OP posts:
Planty18 · 12/09/2016 10:09

Yabu. Perhaps she is wondering where all of the clothes she passed to you are and maybe you, by not returning them after using them, have put her in the position where she is having to ask whether you are able to pass any clothes to her (via your mum probably because of embarrassment) because you haven't offered them back. She is having a 5th child - she will most likely need the favour returned and some of them are actually hers! I don't think she is cheeky, she has probably found it hard to ask. I couriered a box of stuff to my cousin, it was huge and only cost about £7 - think about it from her position.

GinIsIn · 12/09/2016 10:10

Of course it's ok for her to ask you, because she gave you all of her stuff! I don't get how you can think that wouldn't be fine for her to ask?! Hmm

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/09/2016 10:10

Don't ask don't get. I could see your point if it was some randomer that had never given you a stitch and didn't know if you were done or not but I'm this instance its definitely not cheeky

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