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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think its a bit cheeky to ask?

68 replies

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 09:51

My cousin is expecting her 5th baby. A boy. Her youngest at the moment is 3 and when I had my son, she kindly passed over a lot of outgrown clothes. All very good quality and have been a godsend to us.

It never crossed my mind to save any of the clothes as 1) we don't intend to have any more children and 2) It just never crossed my mind to save them for anyone else.

Via my Mum my cousin has asked do we have any outgrown boys clothes we could pass on to her?

In principle I am more than happy to do this but I think it's a bit cheeky to ask. Also, she doesnt live locally and sees my Mum (not me) perhaps 4/5 times a year. Whilst this would be pk as my son is 2, it means we would have to store the clothes for her and we're a;already struggling for space. Previously, when my son has outgrown his clothes, we've passed them to charity/his nursery.

so, IABU to think it's a bit cheeky to have asked?

OP posts:

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 12/09/2016 10:10

YABU. She generously gave you some baby clothes, is it really that hard to hang on to a bag of clothes and pass them to your mum every so often? I don't think she was cheeky to ask either.

Original poster

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:10

Which courier service did you use Planty18 that may be a better solution to get them to her.

OP posts:

AnUtterIdiot · 12/09/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phillipp · 12/09/2016 10:13

I really any believe anyone would think this was cheeky.

Family asking for a small favour. Especially when they did the same for you.

paxillin · 12/09/2016 10:15

She might doubly return it and send you stuff from her now 3 year old again knowing she'll get it back for the baby .

carabos · 12/09/2016 10:16

Crikey. I had to read this twice to convince myself that you actually think she's the one being cheeky! You're still not convinced are you?

Original poster

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:18

carabos Not at all. I just wasnt sure if it was "done thing" and was a bit thrown.

Paxillin Oh I wouldnt expect her to do that now she has another LO on the way.

OP posts:

Willow2016 · 12/09/2016 10:19

Friends and family help each other out.

She was very generous to you now its your turn to return the favour.
Dont know whats so weird about that.

The thing that does surprise me is that you didnt offer first.

YelloDraw · 12/09/2016 10:19

How is it cheeky?
She gave you her stuff and is just asking if you have anything you can return the favor with. What a funny one you are to get so pissy about it you've started a MN thread.

paxillin · 12/09/2016 10:23

You are spoiling AIBU a bit with your reasonable attitude. Who throws their hands up and says "I accept IABU"? You are supposed to sulk and storm off now .

RB68 · 12/09/2016 10:27

To be honest as time goes on this is a bit of a godsend in that you will always have somewhere to guilt free offload toys and clothes. Just have one storage box that you fill up as things are outgrown and deliver it to your Mum to send on.

Its not cheeky to ask so long as No is an OK answer, all you need to say is none at the moment but will now keep stuff for you. And don't worry about passing along before her child is ready for things just send everything whenever storage is her issue

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/09/2016 10:28

I understand your feelings op - I would never have dreamt of asking anyone for their second-hand clothes but would have bit their hand off if offered! If you're not the type to ask then it's a bit unnerving when people do. However, I think she isn't being cheeky per se - just behaving differently to how you would in the same situation.

I suspect you're also a bit surprised that she's having a 5th child, since you say you didn't anticipate the clothes being needed for another baby

CandyMcJingles · 12/09/2016 10:33

No it's not cheeky at all. You have to get rid of the clothes anyway.
I keep a bag on a hook by the washing machine and when something has been washed and dried but is now too small for DD, it goes in this bag and it is passed on to someone I don't even know (a friend of a friend) who has a younger daughter.
I feel better it's not going in the bin and that it's going to good use.
If space is an issue ask your mum or someone else related to store it for you. One bag of clothes every 5mths or so isn't that difficult.
She showed kindness to you. Be kind to her.

Original poster

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:34

paxillin I will bow my head ungraciously!

I think she isn't being cheeky per se - just behaving differently to how you would in the same situation. Yes, perhaps this describes it better!

I suspect you're also a bit surprised that she's having a 5th child, since you say you didn't anticipate the clothes being needed for another baby This too! I think it came as a surprise to us all to be honest. She told us all she was expecting, that she had been a relationship but wasn't now and could people not ask who the father was. None of us knew she was seeing anyone so, because of her request not to ask who the Dad was, we have all been a little unsure asking about the pregnancy etc.

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 12/09/2016 10:38

If anything is cheeky ( how i hate that description for adult behaviour) it was making her have to ask you.

If she had not, it seems that you would have continued to not pass on anything. That may be why she had to ask. In our wider family, we help out a lot, and would have asked whether they wanted the clothes back before throwing them out. Just a simple courtesy.

FinallyHere · 12/09/2016 10:40

Goodness, and she also had to ask you to please not ask about the father.

Would you otherwise have have asked, just because there were no obvious candidates?

Original poster

cjt110 · 12/09/2016 10:43

FinallyHere She didnt ask in response to anything - she said at the time she announced her pregnancy to all of her family not to ask about the father.

OP posts:

LaContessaDiPlump · 12/09/2016 10:48

FinallyHere I think if a member of my family turned up pregnant with no obvious responsible party around then that would be a very natural question to ask! Not just because of nosiness but also out of a wish to check whether my relative would have support with their newborn and to step up my intended levels of assistance if not.

Only on MN are you meant to never ask anyone any questions about anything (unless it's whether they'd like your shredded stained old clothes of course)

butterfliesandzebras · 12/09/2016 10:51

It's a fine line I think, but she wasn't demanding clothes, just asking, and as you said yourself it wasn't occuring to you to keep them.

'if you having anything you'd otherwise charity shop Id gratefully receive it' is different from 'I gave you clothes now give me them back', iyswim.

Based on your later comments about the father etc, if this is unplanned for her she could be panicking a bit about affording it?

Daisygarden · 12/09/2016 10:55

I see what you mean, but I don't think it's unreasonable of her to just ask on the off chance. I don't think third-hand clothes of toddlers would be very useful after all the washing and stains, so I doubt she means the original clothes she gave to you, but just anything you don't use or want any more that your DS has now outgrown.

If you don't have room for storage, and give to charity or nursery, wouldn't you be glad that your things are going to family who needs them rather than just anyone?

Give them to your Mum to store if you don't have room in the meantime.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/09/2016 10:56

I don't think she's being cheeky at all, really - I think you could have thought to offer some first though!

She let you have a load of stuff, but you didn't even offer?
No, sorry - YABU here.

Daisygarden · 12/09/2016 10:57

and 5 kids is expensive. No wonder she's looking to save any bit of money where she can, especially if the father is not on the scene. She gave to you when it was your turn, and it's nice if you can help her back.

Purplebluebird · 12/09/2016 11:03

Eh? I think you're a bit the cheeky one in this situation.

Amandahugandkisses · 12/09/2016 11:08

It sounds like she'll need all the help she can get here.

DoreenLethal · 12/09/2016 11:11

'so and so [cousin] is pregnant with a boy'
'Oh gosh, do ask her if she wants me to save any clothes for him'

Is how it should have gone OP...I am not every a mother and I know that!

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