To be a fat bastard and do nothing about it.

[Lizmay12]

So I've put on 3 stone since I had my children. I'm constantly down about it always moaning. Feel absolutely shit about myself. God forbid DP tries to be nice and surprise me with organising a childcare and taking me out. I spoil it whinging about my fat belly and having no clothes to fit me. All this and I do absolutely fuck all to change my lifestyle.
I eat to much shit and moan about being fat.

Yes I am being VFUCKINGU!!!!!! Why can't I change my ways !!!!!

Too not to

Honestly? Laziness and resignation probably. And I do speak from personal experience, i'm not trying to be mean!

You are so right! I can't actually believe I've turned into this person.
It's embarrassing

In the same boat. Gaaah! It's so annoying !

Stop eating shit. Start exercising. Imagine if you put the moaning energy into exercise energy, and the shit eating energy into good meal cooking energy.

It's your problem and you have the solution. Start and don't give up until you've done it.

(You CAN do it)

I was you this time last year. 3 children and a 5st weight gain after the third (4 years later) I felt ugly, hated myself, hid from the camera. In January I set a target of 2st loss by end of May. I joined Ww (again) and I did it, have lost another half a stone since but it isn't easy and I seriously believe that you have to be mentally ready to do it or it won't happen. I can not tell you what you need to do but I can tell you that when you are ready you will do it.

You're not unreasonable if you want to be a fat bastard but you definitely are if all you do is moan about it. That's very boring to listen to if you never try to change it

You need to think of all the things your weight is stopping you doing without focusing on how you look. Can you try and be healthier instead and make small changes? Swapping white bread for brown, cutting the fat off your meat, not keeping biscuits in the house.

If i make little changes the weight eventually comes off, you just have to stick with it. Don't think of yourself being on a diet

That's true,
I start and I'm that pathetic I give up by 6pm not even joking.
I cook healthy nice meals for my kids and fill their heads with you should not eat this blah blah blahhhhh
Hypocrite or what.

Need to slam my head against the oven! Or maybe not the oven I'll probably find some food

the first step is the hardest, you will be more motivated when the weight starts coming off and belly is disappearing. Just do it!

Even moaning on here now about it and still not made one step towards changing.

Think this post was my subconscious telling me I need advice and a good honest telling off.

Thank you in advance.

I get it. I find its a misery vicious circle. Being fat makes you feel crap so you eat a shed load of donuts to make yourself feel better for two minutes. That and exhaustion from the kids, I spent a long time feeling too knackered to do anything about it. Completely agree you have to be in the right frame of mind to tackle it, I'm halfway there weight wise. You do feel so much better when you can start to like yourself again.

It's hard when you're stuck in a rut to see how to change things. Initially try simple things like buying a pedometer and aiming for at least 10,000 steps a day. Slimming world is great too! Good luck!

You can do this. You CAN do this. You Can.

When I stopped smoking I felt so good about being in control of it. That's the goal! The weight loss will be a fringe benefit.

You CAN DO THIS!!

It's your body and completely up to you whether your want to change it, or leave it as it is.

But it's not fair to make it your DH's problem or anyone else's really.

I have a friend who often 'feels too fat to go out this weekend', when people try to make arrangements with her. And she'll often bring her weight up, when it has nothing at all to do with the conversation.

It makes people feel quite awkward at times and does tend to put a downer on things.

So if you can stop the moaning (probably not easy I know) and just accept yourself for how you are, YANBU at all as long as your health is ok.

Ok. While you're doing the stuff that results in you feeling this way - ie "eating too much shit", do you enjoy it? And is it worth feeling this crap later on?

YWBU to do nothing about this when you're so unhappy with yourself you can't enjoy the treat of a surprise night out.

First, you need to stop talking to yourself in this negative way and making yourself feel worse. Buy some decent clothes that fit you, too - even if it's just one or two cheap dresses on Asos.

And when you're ready, start eating healthily. Not a diet, a permanent change to your lifestyle where you and your family eat good, healthy food and do some exercise every day. I know that sounds twee as hell, but diets don't work as they invariably "end" and you go back to the old behaviours.

Instead, start when you're ready on eating well every day. No fast food, no biscuits, no crisps, no "diet" food, no fizzy drinks, just proper stuff like fruit, veg, meat, fish and full fat dairy.

Act "as if." Act "as if" you're a slim, healthy and happy person and you'll become that way in time. And be kind to yourself!

I'd say YANBU if you were happy and overweight but you don't sound it at all.

If you are going to tackle it then we all tackle things in different ways. For some people a goal (holiday, wedding, party to attend etc etc) helps. for some making small changes and do it a bit at a time - 10 mins walk a day, a week of healthy eating (and then another.). Some people find a radical change - weightwatchers, gym, structured eating regime etc.

Do you think you could start making small changes to start with? Sometimes the 'thought' of getting started is the hardest part to changing things? You could do something like 10 mins exercise at home a day - stepping up and down stairs or walking for 10 mins and building up from there gradually. Same with food - one small treat a day and slightly smaller portions at mealtimes, swapping to skimmed milk, chicken, fish dishes?

Why can't I change my ways !!!!!
Because it's bloody hard! What age are your DCs? I put on almost 3 stone in 3 years having two children and it was purely because I used food to get me through the exhaustion. Chocolates softened the blow of the night feeds and after an exhausting day I could only muster enough energy to sit on the couch and eat. I used to be really fit and sporty but I just couldn't get the energy to even think about getting back to that. Then one day I was fed up of it all and signed up for a half marathon and told everyone I knew I was going to be doing it. Hoping that the threat of looking weak if I didn't do it would spur me on to train. It did thankfully and I'm slowly losing the weight and getting fit with my half in just a few weeks .
So my point is...if your DC are young then give yourself a break and accept your still in survival mode! Or if your DC are sleeping well and you have more time to yourself it might be worth investing some time in something like a slimming world class or gym class to get the ball rolling.

You don't need telling off, but you don't need mollycoddling either. You are not a victim, you're not a spectator in your life.

You are in control. You are responsible for you. And you can do this.

I feel the same. Need to lose 2 stone but after working all day of looking after DD I just want to sit down and eat my double choc magnum in peace.

You know you are.
I am not overweight but heavier than I would like to be. A combination of crap diet, not enough sleep, not enough exercise and too much caffeine meant I felt and looked like shit. About three weeks ago I decided enough. I don't want to look grey and bloated all the time. I have exercised 5 x per week (I have 4 dc inc 1 pre-schooler and a part time business to run), I have limited my caffeine intake and tried to reduce my sugar intake (I'm not a big "sweet" person but more hidden sugars in bread and pasta etc). I feel SO much better in myself. I have been very disciplined and although I have had a big weekend partying I will get back to it tomorrow.
You have to want it enough, accept that you are the only one that can change it and also learn that it is okay to fail sometimes as long as you pick it back up.You can do it!

If you don't you'll just get fatter and fatter

I'm lazy and fat. I don't see how people with DCs can diet unless they have iron wills!

I'm very resigned to the fat, however, I've recently started exercising again and I work incredibly hard at this one exercise I do (DH does it with me, no, not sex!!) and I feel inspired-about time, I've been lazy for about 6 years! I'm finding moving easier and I'm more motivated.

Your head has to be in the right place for a new regime, you have to be ready. If you can find something you love doing, fab. Life is much easier if you're not fat. I sweated blood no tears to lose weight some years ago, had a huge accident and piled weight on again but am determined to drop it again. It's bloody hard, but worth it. Your self esteem will shoot up.

The advice I'm getting now is great. I need to say that since downloading the app I don't know how to reply to people.
I never used to be this way. I'm ashamed of how I spoil things. And I am SO that person to make people awkward especially DP talking about my size.
DCs are 4 and 2 now one just started school but I work 40 hrs a week. I do have great support so no excuses for being unable to attend groups or gym.

Love the idea for signing up for an event and telling everybody. This sounds like it would work for me.

THANKYOU all.

I was like this with fags.
I knew it was harmful and yet I couldn't stop, hated myself for doing it.
I get it, it's all in the mind! Valuing yourself enough to feel you are good enough to have a better life was the hardest bit for me, and I'm smoke free now for over 6 months.
I went to a counsellor to find out why my self
Esteem was so crap.
Not saying this is how you feel but just sharing my experience with the frustration.

I would buy yourself some nice clothes for going out in. You might be overweight but you deserve to feel good about yourself right now. And then look at what longer term changes you can make.