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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

does your partner /dh worry about their weight /size ?

35 replies

mrsfuzzy · 10/09/2016 09:20

there is a thread on here today about women and size but what about men ? why is the onus on women to look a certain way [age old i know] but when did men get the go ahead to 'inflict' their various shapes and sizes on us, but for us to angst over every imperfection ? seems unfair imo.

OP posts:
phillipp · 10/09/2016 09:24

Yes dh does. He is fairly slim and has quite a bit of muscle. If and when he gets a podgy tummy he cuts down until it's gone.

My dad, brother and male cousins all watch their weight so I do t think it's unusual. They don't however talk about it. I only know they watch their weight as when we are together they will only have one drink or skip pudding with small comment.

In general (in my social and work circles) I find women talk abut weight more and what they are eating. The men I know keep it to themselves mostly.

Which means it appears women worry more about it. But I wonder if it's because they are more vocal about it.

SaucyJack · 10/09/2016 09:29

Yes, he does- although he's under and not over weight.

He's at least as bothered about his skinny legs as I am about my fat, saggy belly.

In fact, in the car on the way to the swimming pool (for ex.) he's the one going on about his body anxieties.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 10/09/2016 09:29

some men might think/worry about it in their minds but none seem to get wound up with it like women do. although there are probably twunts who think their beer belly is sexy and that's why they strip off at first ray of sun light, grim times indeed.

OP posts:
KC225 · 10/09/2016 09:35

I am more padded since we met and had kids. He would never commented but I know famous women he thinks attractive are thinner. What he does hate is me going on about my weight and doing nothing about it. He is very practical and so if there is something he wants to do he will do it (within reason) so any self loathing or moaning that I can't fit into my old clothes and yet slipping off another diet annoys him. We have a friend, larger than me completely accepts her weight who recently said on a group lunch out. 'I know I'll never be thin. I don't car, no sense worrying about it. Pass me another menu' My husband laughed and raised a glass up to her.

frikadela01 · 10/09/2016 09:39

Dp is overweight and prediabetic as a result of this. He worries about it all the time and is clearly very self conscious about his appearance. We both put weight on when we met and have both struggled to lose it.
We are such bad influences on each other though.

newstrongself · 10/09/2016 09:50

I actually lost weight although I didn't need to over the course of my relationship with my ex. He on the other hand put on (at a guess) 5 stone. I never mentioned it as I didn't want him to feel bad, yet he would constantly attack MY appearance that I was now 'flat chested' and i should 'give him something to grab onto'. Funny how that meant he then became unattractive on both the outside AND the inside ;)

ElspethFlashman · 10/09/2016 09:55

I think it's a bizarre generalisation to say that it's a woman thing.

I don't know a single man who isn't conscious of his weight. It's very rare for a man in his mid forties and onwards to have the body they used to have. Even the thin ones seem to be in the gym all the time trying to stop looking so skinny. The rest are like my DH, looking dolefully down at their bellies and wondering how many biscuits would be safe before they put weight on.

If you don't think men worry about this, you just haven't been having those conversations with them.

TooGood2BeFalse · 10/09/2016 09:57

I had my second baby 8 weeks ago and feel pretty happy about my body considering (maybe just relieved I'm not Bumpzilla anymore..)

Dh on the other hand is only about a stone overweight and is giving himself a really hard time.. it really upsets him give up the beers then

HainaultViaNewburyPark · 10/09/2016 09:57

I'm not sure men do worry about their weight/appearance as much as women. Although DH is starting to worry about middle aged spread.

Although my DS (10) has a tendency to worry about whether or not he is fat Sad. Meanwhile as far as I can tell DD (12) doesn't give it a second thought.

BadLad · 10/09/2016 10:00

I try not to get fat. I don't know any of my friends who thinks their beer belly is sexy. There are some who are resigned to a beer belly, as they aren't prepared to make the lifestyle changes.

I'm very active, so staying in shape will be more of a challenge when I retire, although I'll have note time for fitness activities, I suppose.

My wife is fanatical about her body. She was overweight as a child but now has a very athletic, strong physique.

RaaRaaTheLion · 10/09/2016 10:01

DP does. He's 6'4 and very slender even though he eats like a horse. If he's ill, you can see weight loss almost instantly. He's very self conscious and would love to be larger.

ChicRock · 10/09/2016 10:04

Yes DH keeps a check on his weight and when he's getting to the upper end of what he's comfortable with he increases the exercise and cuts down the wine.

PepsiPenguin · 10/09/2016 10:04

twunts who think their beer belly is sexy and that's why they strip off at first ray of sun light, grim times indeed.

Or maybe they just don't care about what other people think, but deep down have insecurities about how they wish they looked like their younger selves if you wrote that about a woman you would be flammed for this.

ICanHazCakeNow · 10/09/2016 10:14

My partner and I are both reasonably concerned with our body image, for much the same reasons. And I know quite a few in my social circle who worry about their body image, and the younger ones certainly seem under more pressure from their peer groups.
However, it certainly seems the media (and societal norms) seem to push the idea of an ideal body type on women more than men.

ICanHazCakeNow · 10/09/2016 10:15

"Men" in my social circle...

Truckingalong · 10/09/2016 10:18

Lots of the men I work with go on about dieting and my OH is always on some kind of regime and is very aware of his shape. I really don't think it's a female-only topic.

maybeshesawomble · 10/09/2016 10:20

Yes. DH and many of his friends are interested in sport and nutrition. We are in our mid-30s. DH is probably more driven on the nutritional content of food v. calorie intake than I am. We both do a lot of sport and our diet needs to support training and our stressful lifestyles (pressured jobs, two young children) and also be a balanced example to the kids.

Fairylea · 10/09/2016 10:26

Dh does. He's tall and slim but constantly worrying he's getting a belly (he isn't). He's very trendy and fashionable (think rock band style, dark floppy hair, black skinny jeans, band t shirts and leather jackets etc). He is nearing 30 now and starting to panic he is going to suddenly get a huge belly and look ridiculous in the clothes he likes to wear.

I think he is the one in our relationship that worries because I am nearly 8 years older, size 16-18 (was a 12 when we met many years back) and I don't ever think about my weight apart from threads like this. I eat what I like when I like and live an active life and my weight rarely even enters my head. My gran was a size 26 most of her life and died at a very old age having never worried about her weight at all and for the sake of my daughter I try not to ever let her see me having body issues. If I did become morbidly obese however for health reasons I would try to lose weight. Right now I'm very stable.

SpookyPotato · 10/09/2016 10:27

My DP is definitely conscious of his weight and it stops him doing things, feeling confident... He's very aware of images of fit men everywhere on adverts etc. I guess men just maybe don't discuss it at the lengths women do?

ChubbyMummy12 · 10/09/2016 10:29

Yep, DH is 6 foot tall 9 and half stone and is a 28 inch waist, he can't seem to put weight on and he hates being so tiny.

SpookyPotato · 10/09/2016 10:30

OP I think the kind of men who think their beer belllies are sexy are a small proportion and a certain type of person. I don't personally know anyone like this but do see them around.

Rosesanddaffodils · 10/09/2016 10:31

I am slightly overweight (IMO but slowly shedding the lbs....why does cake taste better than salad?) but my partner couldn't care less. He keeps himself in good shape but he knows that he could let himself go and I would not be bothered.

Sallystyle · 10/09/2016 10:31

Yep dh does.

He put on a few stone over the last few years and within the last year a lot of that went on his stomach. He is a weight lifter and very big built so he had amazing toned arms and legs with a pot belly.

He hated it and has lost quite a bit of weight now. He is very conscious about his bum, he is very prone to putting weight on his arse and even at his slimmest his bum is bigger than most mens and I often find him inspecting it in the mirror hating on it.

My 17 year old son is built like a whippet but he has inherited the family trait of having a round face and big cheek bones. He worries his face looks fat all the time and there isn't an ounce of fat on him. He also hates his thin arms and legs and feels they make him look 'weedy'

I don't know any men who don't worry about their appearance.

PacificOcean · 10/09/2016 10:36

DH is tall and slim. He eats sensibly even though he doesn't 'need' to and goes to the gym.

The emphasis is different though - I think most men worry about muscles and not looking weedy whereas women focus more on their weight.

user1471439240 · 10/09/2016 10:39

Surely it is worse for men?
We just need to watch our food intake to have a slim body.
Men have to watch the food and work out for two hours daily to achieve the ripped look so prevalent in Poldark for example.
Hence the explosion in steroid abuse among males.
I think we have it much easier.